Of Need and Abandonment Issues
by Kazy
Summary: Team Arrow is on a mission when Felicity's high school boyfriend comes to drop a few bombshells on her. [post 2.17] Will be M in the last chapter.
1. Part One

So this was stuck in my head for weeks. It was supposed to be a short, three-part fic. Then it turned into a little monster. This is going to be 4 parts, each one longer than the one before, to the point where the fourth part will be divided in two. I hope you'll like it, it's set after episode 217 but was written right after 215 and is set a year after (some time during season 3). Therefore, Laurel still knows nothing.

**Of Need and Abandonment Issues**

**I.**

If there's one thing that Felicity Smoak hates about going undercover as an executive assistant, it's that even when they have to break into a room full of servers at a stupid gala she has to wear the highest heels ever and uncomfortable dresses. She's here acting like the dumb blond secretary people think she is, and has to fight glancing at Digg in the corner of the room in desperate boredom just to make sure she is not the only one living an absolute nightmare.

Oliver has been led away by Jared Alston fifteen minutes ago, and sucked into a soul-wrenching conversation about stock market and potential investments. She can hear the entire exchange in her very well covered earpiece. Felicity feels like plucking her eyeballs out so she honestly cannot imagine just how murderous Oliver must be feeling right now.

He keeps saying weird things that are probably aimed at her so she can come help him get out of the conversation but she chooses very deliberately to let him suffer a little while longer. He didn't want her to be part of the mission, and it took a long while to convince him that it could go smoothly, so she sort of feels like that moment is going to be payback.

Considering the tension in his neck, she's pretty sure he's aware of what she's doing. And she cannot help her smug smile when she sees Diggle finally taking pity on him and walking up to Oliver to get him out of the room because of a "very important phone call". Oliver gives her a pointed glare on his way, and the guilt creeps in a little bit. But her smirk doesn't falter.

"Smoaky?"

Felicity literally jumps when she hears the nickname that only one person has ever used without getting a punch in the face. She hasn't heard it in eight years. Which probably explains why she's frozen in her spot.

She hears Oliver's quiet but disbelieving "_Smoaky?_" in her earpiece (she'd say she can hear his brows furrowing too but that doesn't make any sense, does it?) and now she literally wants to die and melt into the wooden floor of the Starling City Museum of Art. She's handpicked one of these earpieces that she can't turn off. It is all part of the compromise she has had to make with Oliver if he was even going to consider letting her tag along. His argument that he would know instantly that she'd be in danger if there ever was silence is backfiring in a way she had not foreseen.

She cannot believe he was right about her better off staying in the foundry. Seriously. Life is anything but fair and she's never going to hear the end of it.

Still, she finds the strength to turn towards the voice. And be completely baffled by the effect that stupid Aaron Millers still has on her. Eight years after. _Good God, Felicity! Get a grip._

"Aaron?" she asks.

She totally blames the breathy voice that she uses on the surprise she's overcome with. Oh man. Life really is unfair. He's even prettier than he used to be.

"_Aaron?_" she hears Diggle repeat in her ear — and what's with all the frowning that she can hear? "_High school boyfriend Aaron?_"

Felicity wishes she could find a way to take the earpiece out of her ear without her ex-boyfriend noticing but every time she turns a little bit away he unconsciously follows her movement. Since she doesn't want to look like a dog chasing its tail, she stops moving around and braces herself for a conversation she is not prepared for.

Aaron grins at her, and she can't believe it's still so boyish. Well, it's more of a mix of boyish and manly hot. Does that even exist? Is this even possible? Oh God, she's hopeless. He seems really happy to see her. Apart from shocked, she has no idea how she feels. That doesn't seem to deter Aaron.

"I almost didn't recognize you with your blond hair! And it's straight too… I love the change, it really suits you!"

"Dumb blond?" she scoffs. "Why, thank you."

He laughs.

"No. Hot woman." She's so shocked she doesn't even blush, nor find something embarrassing to add. Aaron seems on a roll. "I can't believe you're here! How have you been?"

Felicity opens her mouth and closes it repeatedly. She has the lamest flashback about their very first conversation senior year and that pushes her into action. She bursts into the most ridiculous laugh ever. This has to be karma. It's all because she didn't go save Oliver from Jared Alston. She knows it is. It has to be.

"Good, I'm good. How about you?"

He looks so ecstatic and cheerful, he reminds her of a puppy. A six feet tall, super muscly furry puppy, with curly chestnut hair and sparkly deep brown eyes. More like a strong lab. Okay, now she's comparing a full grown man to a _dog_. What the hell is wrong with her?

"I've been great!" he answers right away. "I'm a lawyer at Finch and Associates, I passed the bar last year and now I'm trying to make a name for myself so… Here I am."

"You passed the bar?!" she finds herself responding. "What about your Packers dreams?"

He looks at her sheepishly and runs a hand through his very soft-looking curly hair. She suddenly remembers when it was her hand tugging at it and how he responded when she did that. She tries gulping but doesn't remember how.

"Yeah, they kind of burnt to the ground when I broke my knee twice sophomore year of college. So… I was left with a more sensible path to choose."

"Oh. That sucks."

"Yeah… Yeah, it does. But hey, that's life, right?" he shrugs. "My dad wanted me to study law 'just in case' — you know my dad — and I kind of figured what the hell…"

Felicity can't help but raise her eyebrows at that.

"Waw, your law school must have been dazzled with that motivation speech."

Aaron laughs and she finds herself smiling back at the sound. She hasn't spared a thought to that guy in so long she had almost forgotten about him, and now there she is, smiling and being nice to the asshole who broke her heart in the meanest possible way.

"Don't worry, I charmed them the best way I knew."

"What, you slept with the entire decision board?" she smirks, and she knows there's a bitchy glint in her eyes. "Now that's determination."

Aaron laughs again, undeterred. This isn't really what she was going for, but what the hell…

"God I missed you and your snarky comments. But enough about me! What are you doing here, of all places?"

She can hear Diggle and Oliver speaking in hushed voices about the plan in the servers room and it's distracting. That's probably why she gives him an actual answer instead of the quick "goodbye let's never do this again" speech that she has had prepared for five years. Oh well.

"Work."

"Oh yeah, right! I heard you were working at Queen Consolitated, he's like a big donator tonight, right?"

Now that takes Felicity's mind off of her team's annoying whispers.

"You heard?" she repeats.

She is not on Facebook, has no need for a LinkedIn profile and does her best to avoid anyone from her hometown. How the hell have these news — that she has anything but broadcasted — reached a guy that she hasn't heard from in eight years?

"Yeah, Oliver Queen's assistant, right? Didn't know they had such majors at MIT."

Felicity lets out a giant scoff. How dare he?

"And where on Earth did you hear that?" she asks.

A waiter walks by with a plate full of glasses of champagne and Felicity's arm takes it upon itself to grab one and bring it to her mouth. She thanks it in her mind (yeah, she does that sometimes, she _thanks_ her limbs). She gulps the whole thing straight, and wonderers how long it is appropriate to wait before getting a second one. Probably a few minutes. Minutes are long.

"What, it isn't true? The rumors also said that you were sleeping with him so…"

She tries not to spit out the champagne — it's super expensive and rude to do so — but she ends up choking on it and has to cough repeatedly. Aaron tries to tap her gently in the back but she moves away from his touch. No way is he laying a hand on her. She can play nice, but she's not going to be masochistic and let his soft, beautiful hands get anywhere near the naked skin of her back.

"WHAT?" she whisper-shouts when she's done coughing her lungs out.

"Okay, so I take it was all wrong…"

In the corner of her eyes, Felicity sees Oliver burst into the room, looking for her but Diggle reaches his arm at the right moment and she knows that he has no idea where she is. _"And how do you think this will help her exactly?" _Oliver stops moving and sighs.

This entire situation is a gigantic debacle. She sighs too, looking for a way to finish this conversation the fastest way possible. She glances back at Aaron and sees that he's waiting for some kind of reaction from her.

Is he freaking _serious_?

"What? You think I'm sleeping with Oliver Queen? Yeah, you got me."

She throws her hands in the air, exasperated.

Honestly. The rumors. It's been over a year, and they have died down at QC since she is obviously not pregnant, not carrying a ring the size of Botswana on her finger and Oliver has not fired her. It has been a while since she's had to deal with them, and the anger and hurt that they provoked in her then are apparently all too happy to float back to the surface.

"We do it _everywhere,_" she quips, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "His couch, his desk chair, his desk, my desk, the bar in his night club, his desk at the club, it's just a lot of desk-related sex basically it's a miracle we get anything done…"

Aaron has the decency to look ashamed, and it gives her a little bit of pleasure. She doesn't dare throw a glance in Oliver's direction because she cannot believe she just said that (or that he _heard_, and holy _shit_ she's never talking to him again), but she can hear Diggle chuckle and for the third time since the beginning of that very short conversation she wants to disappear into thin air.

"Well." Aaron mumbles, his hand in his hair again. "Glad to know some things haven't changed. You're still into doing it on a desk."

He grins at her sheepishly, her traitor of a heart skips a beat and her brain takes the longest freaking time to understand what he's referring to.

"Oh my God!" she exclaims, baffled. "You did NOT just say that!"

She's so glad she's wearing contacts right now because it allows her to flatten her entire hand on her face and concentrate on ways to stop this situation immediately.

"Okay, sorry, _sorry_. That was inappropriate, I'm _really_ sorry. So you're just his assistant."

"_Executive_ assistant." She stresses through gritted teeth. _Why_? Why does she need to stress that? What difference does that make? Can someone please just make her invisible already?

"I can't imagine how your mom reacted when she heard the news."

At that, Felicity freezes, opens one eye between her fingers, and stares up in Aaron's direction. He understands immediately and it's his turn to chuckle. Great. Yes. Her life is hilarious.

"You haven't told her!"

"Of course I haven't told her! You have met my mom, right?"

He laughs out loud.

"How do you think it's going to go when she finds out?"

Felicity drops her hand from her face and grabs a new glass of champagne. It probably hasn't been a minute, but screw it; she's going to need more alcohol in her system if she's going to talk about her mom with her ex-boyfriend while her vigilante-team is listening in. She promises to herself that it's the last glass before she goes into the servers room and plants the trojans in the mainframe. She could do it in her sleep but she knows Oliver is going to be a little more stressed out about it.

"She's not going to find out. She'd have to have a clue about where I live and she doesn't care enough for that. I'm safe on that side."

Aaron looks at her with the same concerned face he used to give her when they were hanging out at his place, and she takes pride in the fact that she doesn't melt or shiver from the memory. But then something pops into her mind. If he doesn't know that she hasn't talked to her mom in over two years, that means only one person could have babbled her deepest secret (okay, not deepest, but, like, at least in her top 5 of secrets).

"So, since when are you friends with Max?"

Then Oliver's steady voice is in her ear and she is so deep in her thoughts about murdering Max (now renamed 'the vicious gossip-whore traitor') that she startles at the sound.

"_Felicity, the security shift is in five minutes, I suggest you wrap your little reunion up."_

"Are you okay?" Aaron asks when he witnesses her reaction.

"Yeah, fine." She says to Oliver but Aaron takes it for himself. "So? Max?"

"Max's dating my sister. I overheard them talking about you and…"

"Great. Wonderful. You can send them both a warning about my definition of payback." She looks at a non-existing watch on her wrist. "Look, that was super fun, I am so happy you're happy, but I have to go. Have a great life."

She spins on her heels, and starts walking towards the small exit behind a curtain that she had spotted when they'd prepared for the mission, taking her phone out of her purse when she feels Aaron's hand brush her shoulder down her arm and gently catch her hand to hold her back. His touch leaves a trail of delicious goose bumps, because her body obviously hates her.

"Wait! Do you have plans tomorrow night?"

"Why?" Felicity asks, confused.

She hears Oliver audibly groan. _Oh, come on!_ It hasn't even been a minute; she still has some time.

"Because I want to take you out for a drink, catch up?"

He's still smiling but he clearly wasn't expecting such resistance. Ha.

"Didn't we just do that?" she wonders out loud.

Fair enough, it might have sounded a little bit like a whine. Aaron turns the charm on full then.

"Oh no, that wasn't catching up. I want to hear about MIT, your actual job using desks that doesn't involve made up stories, know what you've been up to since…" his smile falters as Felicity's eyebrows rise on her forehead.

"Since?" she pushes, knowing exactly since when they haven't seen each other.

He avoids her eyes for a second, his hand flying to his hair once more, and sighs before meeting her ruthless stare.

"Since I poorly handled breaking up with you."

She takes her hand out of his, and he lets her while she bursts into a humorless laugh.

"Well, apparently you remember my tutoring classes about euphemisms."

He has a shy grin that melts her heart way more than it has any right to.

"To be fair, your reward system was flawless…"

She snickers, and after another merciless look she turns on her heels once again. And finds herself stopped by his hand again.

"Come on, Aaron!" she's really whining now.

"Okay, fair enough, I was a gigantic dick and a coward and probably also a little misogynistic and you did _not_ deserve the way I broke up with you, but you had your revenge and you don't see me refusing to see you! Hell, I'm basically crawling at your feet to get a date with you."

"I thought it was just a drink?"

He actually rolls his eyes at her like she's the dense one.

"Yeah, a drink, a date, whatever you want."

"None of the above."

"_Why_?"

"Because I learn from my mistakes?"

He looks over her shoulder and holds her hand a little more desperately.

"Is it because of Oliver Queen?"

Felicity follows his line of sight and finds Oliver staring at them tensely. Wonderful. Just her luck. For once, Diggle seems to share her lack of amusement at the situation. He even seems concerned. Considering what she told him about Aaron, she's not surprised. She considers sending her dogs at him for a second, to serve him right for what he did to her… But then she thinks about how she handled the situation on her own back when she was seventeen, and how she still laughs at her revenge when she thinks about it, and okay, _fine_, he's right. She's over the way he dumped her. But not the rest.

She sighs and shakes his hand off.

"_Yes of course_ it's because of my boss. Not at all because I am too smart for this." Her voice drips with sarcasm again, and she has to gulp to calm down a little bit. "Look, you're right. I'm over you standing me up on prom night without an explanation, or even a stupid text telling me that you were basically done with me."

"Felicity…" he whispers, but she is _not_ going to listen now.

He had his chance eight years ago. It is not her fault if he didn't take it.

"I don't care, it's too late, and thank _god_ for me I've moved on. But it doesn't mean I've forgiven you, or that I'll ever get over the fact that you used me and my feelings for you so you could win a bet."

GOD. That feels good. She's never had the nerve to actually confront him after that debacle. He had come back the Monday after prom, his arm around Madison's shoulders, and avoided her like the plague. Then there were finals, and then graduation, and she'd flown to Boston to find a job before settling in her dorms at MIT. She has not seen Aaron since Graduation Day, and aside from her little revenge program, she has tried her best to avoid thinking about him. Except, maybe, the little fantasies where she confronted him.

In her fantasies, he looked shameful, devastated, sometimes even in awe of her. There might have been a time where he offered to be her slave (sex may or may not have been involved) to repay her in some way. However, he never looked at her with the deepest confusion.

"What bet? What are you talking about?"

It's her turn to roll her eyes at him.

"Oh come on, drop the act Aaron. I know everything. Have a good life."

"Hold on!"

But she finds a way to wriggle between the guests and out of his reach. She uses Digg's training to get away quickly without drawing attention to herself. She looks down at her phone and looks at the time.

"Two minutes, guys. I'll be in place."

She has to walk really fast on her heels to get to the rendez-vous point, but she manages. She tries not to think about Aaron's face when he heard about the bet, tries to focus on getting the very small version of an external hard drive that she built herself (thank you very much) full of viruses and spywares that will come in handy.

She stands against a wall, looks at the time on her phone. Her boys are eerily quiet on the other end of the comm, and that freaks her out a little bit but if the alternative is having to talk about what just happened, she thinks she's better off with complete silence.

Two minutes pass quickly and when she sees one of the guys from security being replaced by a coworker, she warns her teammate.

"Digg, you're good to go."

Digg is standing close to the security station and must have pressed the button on the app that she installed on his phone because suddenly she hears movement close to him.

"_Done, Felicity. You have five minutes._"

"Okay, I'm in."

She uses the key that Digg stole from one of the girl who works at the museum with a little flirty-flirt to get in the servers room and closes the door behind her. Now, the fun can begin! She gets her tablet out her purse and pulls up the data that she needs to figure out which one of the servers she has to invade and mess with.

Once she finds the information she's looking for, Felicity sits on the floor (damn it's cold, she should have worn tights) and begins to work her magic. She connects her tablet to the hard drive and links it to her tablet before sending all the malware in the servers. She smiles diabolically and does a little victory dance (not that anyone will ever know about it, thank goodness) before gathering all her devices, shoving them deep inside her bag and walking back to the door.

"Done!" she whispers gleefully and because she's a total nerd, she can't help but add "Mischief managed!" which, of course, none of the boys get.

Maybe the champagne is doing its magic too. Whatever, that is a mission accomplished and no one has been killed or arrowed. In her book, this is a victory in every way.

"_Don't get out right now,"_ says Oliver's voice. "_Hold on."_

She frowns, and listens intently. It's not long before she hears a bunch of muffled sounds and then the door opens. She's really proud of herself when she doesn't scream, and she's ready to fight if she (really) has to. She gets in the position Sara taught her last year, totally willing to throw a punch in the face of the person who might attack her and waits for her assailant to show his face.

It would be way more efficient if she didn't close her eyes when she throws the punch, but to be fair, Felicity is never going to be strong enough to take Oliver.

"It's just me!" he whispers when she throws her fist in the general and vague direction of his face.

He catches it gently, spares her a smile, and she releases her breath. She doesn't know if she's dizzy from the stress, the champagne or Aaron messing with her certitudes (definitely not Oliver's smile. Nope, she's totally immune to that by now).

"Oh thank god. Let's go!"

He takes her fist with him as he turns towards the exit, looking down the corridor before dragging her out of the servers room. When she locks the door, she sees in a corner that a guard is laying on the floor, eyes closed.

"He's just passed-out, don't worry." Oliver smiles at her reassuringly and she can't help but mirror him.

He starts walking back in the direction of the main hall, his hand still holding hers, while his other one is touching his earpiece.

"Everything's good Digg, you can get the car, we're leaving."

"_Okay, I'll take you out front in two._"

"Thank you."

He throws her a glance, and she nods her agreement. Her hand goes to take her earpiece out but Oliver catches it before it reaches the comm, and shakes his head in disapproval.

"But you're with me!" she protests.

"I don't care. You're not taking it off until we're safe in the car. I am not joking."

Felicity grits her teeth but doesn't say anything. Since the Grand Slade Wilson Cataclysm, she can't really blame him for being extra careful and untrusting of what is going on. For all he knows they can be separated because somebody from the island that was supposed to be dead has planted a bomb to mess with him. Oliver told her a few months ago that he could not function if he thought her or Thea could be in harm's way. That was really nice to hear at the time but it is really impractical and a bummer in everything related to intimacy (seriously, she needs to pee so freaking bad she can't wait to get to the foundry).

When they reach the lobby to get their coats back, she notices Aaron standing against the wall like a lost puppy, obviously waiting for her, and she knows she's in for another cringe-inducing, shame-filling exposé of her teenage years.

Well, Oliver now knows she's been stood up for prom. How much worse can it get, really?

He has let go of her hand to get her purse and coat, but he follows her line of sight when he sees her reaction and steps in front of her.

"Do you want me to take care of it?" he asks.

He looks almost as awkward as she feels, but there's a fierce protective undertone in the question that gives her the strength and resolve to shake her head no.

"I'll be fine. Go to the car, I'll meet you there."

"You sure?"

He's holding her elbow and giving her a very concerned look that she deflects by tilting her head.

"I'm not a damsel in distress, Oliver. Don't worry about me. I'll be okay."

He sighs, gathers his coat, shoulders it and walks through the exit, but not without leveling Aaron with a bone-chilling stare. Aaron doesn't seem _that_ impressed but thinks better than to comment when Felicity walks up to him.

She doesn't say anything, and he looks at a loss for a second. Like he cannot believe she is here. To be frank, she cannot really believe it either.

"What were you talking about earlier? I know I screwed up when I…" he doesn't elaborate. "But you were _never_ a bet, I _swear_."

Felicity rolls her eyes, and sighs.

"Where did you hear that? Who told you that?" he presses, and she can hear the genuine concern in his voice.

"Who do you think?" she answers bitterly.

He stares at her wide-eyed.

"Madison?! Why on Earth would you believe anything she said? She hated you!"

"Because your explanation was so much better?" she snaps back. "It's not like you were rushing to tell me why. At least her reason made sense."

"How did that make any sense? Apart from… Okay, apart from standing you up that night — which, granted, _was_ a dick move — what did I ever do to make you think that you were a bet? I was already broken up with her when we started dating…"

"Oh, we were dating?" she laughs cynically.

"What?" he frowns and reaches for her but she steps away from him. "Of course we were! What the hell?"

"Aaron, you didn't introduce me to any of your friends, none of them knew we were a…" She looks for the proper word.

"— A _couple_!—"

"Whatever, fine a _couple_. You kept your friends and our thing very separate, you never called me your girlfriend in public and you most definitely never took me out on a proper date that was in the same vicinity of anyone we both knew."

"No! We…"

"It's okay, I don't care anymore; it doesn't matter. The fact is, prom was supposed to be our first public thing and we both know what a magical night it ended up being. 'Friendless Felicity'," he physically flinches and grimaces at the nickname his friends created for her while her cold tone stays even, "having to choose between going stag and facing you with your ex or staying at home listening to her psycho mom's ramblings about being a poor excuse for a daughter. 'High school: making memories'? Mine are golden, thanks to you."

She doesn't wait for his response, just pushes the glass doors to exit the lobby and starts looking for the Bentley parked right at the bottom of the stairs. Oliver's waiting outside, staring at her in concern. She clenches her jaw, humiliated, and feels like laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. She has gone out of her way to never mention anything about herself, and in fifteen minutes Aaron has laid it all out for her friends to hear.

Screw it, she's taking the comm out of her ear. She starts marching towards Oliver when Aaron's voice stops her.

"I did it because you were going to reject your full MIT scholarship, okay?"

Felicity freezes, and grits her teeth, her eyes closing in anger, as she forces her hand to push the earpiece back in its place. Then she spins and throws him her best death-glare. She can't help using her loud-voice.

"I am going to _kill_ Max!"

"It wasn't Max! I found your MIT file in the trash the day before prom, and saw your acceptance letter at USC and your calculations for a loan."

She can feel her head turning beet red in anger. She should have followed Oliver. Or told him to take care of Aaron.

"How dare you?" she seethes.

"No, please, don't spin this around." Aaron shakes his head calmly. "I didn't look for it, okay? I wanted to surprise you, take you to Jake's party. I went up your window so your mom wouldn't notice and ended up on your desk and there it was."

"And instead of talking to me you took it upon yourself to use my abandonment issues to break my heart?"

"Oh come on, Felicity! What was I supposed to say? 'Don't stay in California on my account you're making the biggest mistake of your life'? You never would have listened to me! You would have told me that I was looking for a way to dump you."

"Well I would've been right, wouldn't I?"

"Felicity, do you remember who I was back then? The screw-up quarterback you were forced to tutor because it was my only chance to get into a good school? UCLA would have never even considered my file if it weren't for you! MIT was literally following you around all year, promising you everything you were hoping for and more. You'd already sacrificed so much for me, hell you dropped looking for your father so I could be a better candidate; I wasn't going to let you sacrifice your dream of leaving stupid California and your mom behind to go to the East Coast and create your own Google on my account!"

"Why not?! It would have been my choice!" she counters in her loud voice.

Aaron doesn't wait a beat before he answers.

"Well it would have been a stupid choice and I certainly wasn't worth it then. And if it had been such an important choice you wouldn't have gone back to plan A when I removed myself from the picture."

Felicity looks at him, incapable of knowing how to react. Everything she thought she knew turns out to be a lie, and she feels like crawling into her bed and crying herself to sleep. But she can't. She scoffs.

"You were right, that was really misogynistic of you to take the choice away from me."

"Well, it's been biting me in the ass ever since, hasn't it?" he asks in defeat and a little bit of bitterness. "You haven't created a new Google and you put me on the no fly list for five years."

She can't help the proud smirk that enlightens her face. It brings a glint of amusement in Aaron's eyes. It's crazy how that little sentence calms the atmosphere down.

"You're not even denying it," he chuckles despite himself.

Felicity shrugs non-committedly. Her heart is still beating really fast and she wants to crawl out her skin or go back in time and start that night over.

"I'm not confirming it either."

Her voice is still cold. Aaron takes a step towards her and she can't bring herself to back away from him. He takes it as a victory.

"Look, can we just… Can we start over, please? Please, Felicity. I…" he runs his hand in his hair, his eyes staring deep into hers, and she sees the regret and the emotions he doesn't even try to fight. "I'm sorry for the way I handled things then, but I was eighteen and very, _very_ stupid. I just…"

She's shivering. It's not even cold outside, why is she shivering? Aaron tentatively takes her hand and she feels so numb that she lets him.

"You didn't just come here to meet potential clients. You knew I was going to be here," she guesses.

He doesn't look away, gives her a half-apologetic half-"what can you do" shrug.

"I saw Queen's name, figured I'd try my luck."

Felicity feels manipulated and weirdly moved. Something must have shown on her face, because apparently that's the moment he chooses to go in for the kill.

"Look, I loved you then Felicity. Hell I probably still do! Truth is, I miss you and I guess I just want to be part of your life again. No pressure, we don't have to date — but if you're willing I promise you won't be left with any doubt that you're my girlfriend." He lets out a shaky sigh, and gets closer to her. "Look, if you could just give me one chance, just _one_, for a drink, ice cream, I don't care. We'll talk about whatever you want, I was serious about MIT. I want to know."

Felicity blinks, and she is surprised when tears come out of her eyes and roll down her cheeks. She shakes her head, closes her eyes. She has not been on a date in years, and she obviously still feels something for Aaron. He's pulled the rug from under her, taking away everything she has spent years getting over and accepting.

She knows she would have stayed in California. It pains her to realize that he is right. She is smart, but she was so in love with him it was honestly ridiculous. He had made her feel like she was not alone for the first time in her life. She was part of something, something other than computers and that felt exhilarating. He was so far out of her league, she was the lone geek, he was the school quarterback and it was like in TV shows. He'd told her he'd apply to schools in Massachusetts, or at least on the East Coast but didn't get into any of them. Now that she thinks about it, his dad wanted Aaron close, for control. Maybe he hadn't even really sent the applications, or hidden the acceptance letters using everything in his power to get his son in the closest and best school he could.

She hates that Aaron tried to do the "noble" thing, she hates it when people take choices away from her. She has always prided herself on being able to make her own choices, lead her life the way she wants — that is one of the perks of being completely alone.

But in the end, wasn't he right? If she hadn't gone to MIT, she wouldn't have joined QC, never met Oliver and Digg, never actually been part of a real team, of a homemade family.

Aaron looks more mature, more like the man she knew he could be when she met him in high school. He's clearly no longer the screw up he claimed to be. She feels weak, and she needs time, and… Doesn't she deserve answers? A chance at happiness? At the very least a rewrite?

"I won't make it easy." She finally answers.

She's angry. Angry at herself for being stupid and in love when she was seventeen, stupid for not being smart right now and offering him a second chance, just to… Just to _see_, right? Worst case scenario, he turns out to be a jerk and she has no regrets. Best case scenario she feels at peace with her 17 year-old self.

"Fine. '_No one writes songs about the ones that come easy_'." He quotes, a huge smile illuminating his face now.

She looks up at him and can't help a stiff laugh. She'd made him watch that show back then.

"One drink." She concedes.

"That's all I'm asking." He nods.

"Text me the place and time. I'll be there." Now she's quoting him talking about prom night, as a hint. He doesn't get it.

That'll make it more fun.

"Thank you. I… Thank you Felicity."

She wants to say "whatever" or something cool like that, but she just shakes her head and gives him a phone number, then walks back to the Bentley. Oliver's face shows confusion when she passes his open door and hails a cab.

"Wait!" she hears Oliver say.

"I'll meet you back at Verdant in an hour, I need to be alone right now. And FYI, we are never talking about what just happened."

"_You gave him a fake number._" She hears Diggle chuckle in her ear.

"Oh yeah." She answers shakily as she slides in the cab and shows the driver the address of a bar close to her apartment on her phone. "I am totally standing him up for that drink. See you soon. And yes Oliver, I'll keep my phone on."

Oliver doesn't answer.

"_Be careful_." Digg answers after a few seconds.

"Always."

She takes the comm out of her ear, puts it in her purse, and starts crying before it's even closed. Once she is at the bar, she calls Max and lets her know _exactly_ what she thinks of the girl code, and how she's going to receive nothing but spam for a whole year, then proceeds to get drunk.

When she goes back to Verdant an hour later, no one mentions Aaron. But Oliver's training really hard with Diggle, and there's Aaron's background check displayed on one of the screens. She stares at it dreamily (some might say drunkenly) and tries her best to concentrate on the malware she just installed.

It takes Aaron a week to track her down. And two more weeks to get her to show up to an actual date.

[**Next :** Part Two - Oliver's POV]

* * *

**Author's Note :** So it started out as a conversation between a friend and I about Felicity and Oliver and how we both wanted Felicity to date another guy first. My argument was that it would be super tricky for her considering that she would always drop her boyfriend for missions, always pick up the phone for Oliver and spend so much time with him and be unable to explain exactly why. This spurred that story. I personally think the show is going to make Ivo Felicity's dad, which I hate, because I have had my own backstory for her for a long while (I was sure that her dad had died during the summer between S1 and S2 but episode 213 ruined that so... my mind came up with another one). Anyways. English is not my mother language, so if there were any mistakes I apologize.

I hope you liked the first part. Let me know what you thought :-) Thank you so much for reading.


	2. Part Two

Waw. Just... Waw. Thank you so much for the positive response to this story! I answered as many reviews as I could but thank you to all the guests that have taken the time to share their support. I really, really appreciate it.

Please bear in mind that this was written right after episode 215, therefore before we knew where Felicity lived and before Roy ditched Thea. Let's just pretend that out of the shot with the cute urban houses, there was a tall apartment building and that Roy has gone back to Thea by the end of season 2... Anyways! Without further ado: the second part of this story.

**Of Need and Abandonment Issues**

**II.**

It goes without saying, Oliver hates Aaron instantly.

"Big surprise," Diggle chuckles when Oliver mentions his distrust of him as they get to the foundry after the gala.

Oliver rolls his eyes at his brother in arms, but doesn't push the conversation, mostly because he doesn't want to talk about what Diggle was alluding to. He wouldn't understand. He's not jealous, he's not in love with Felicity he's just… Protective, and okay, granted, a little possessive.

He's not saying it's healthy.

Felicity's casual assertion that she will stand Aaron up back in the cab helped him relax, and Oliver really hopes the douche doesn't find her number, but just in case, he runs a background check on him and leaves it open for her to find when she comes back. Digg shakes his head but says nothing. He hands a baton to Oliver wordlessly, and walks back to the mat because it's probably going to take Felicity a while to deal with what she just learnt. Turns out he really needs the exercise; he didn't know he had so much pent up energy.

"How come you knew about him?" Oliver eventually asks after half an hour of sparring.

There's a glint in Diggle's eyes that Oliver might have grown accustomed to, but loathes all the same, but he doesn't answer immediately. That lands John on his back, which only makes him chuckle. Oliver doesn't really find any of this funny.

"You left for five months two years ago, remember? Felicity and I had long conversations about other things than you while we were searching for your sorry ass."

Oliver frowns. He has such a… _bond_ with Felicity, that he often has trouble accepting that Digg can have something similar and different at the same time with her. Of that, he'll admit, he's totally jealous. But it's his own fault; he is so accustomed to shutting everyone off that he tends to think the rest of the world is like him and doesn't want to be pushed out of their comfort zone. Felicity's personal life before meeting them seems to be her own personal Lian Yu, and the thought is so depressing that Oliver never dares mention it to her.

It sort of pains him to realize that she opened up to Diggle so long ago, and he had to learn terrible news about his family for her to even allude to hers.

"Has she ever talked to you about her parents?" he asks as he helps Diggle up.

Oliver absolutely hates that Aaron mentioned both Felicity's mom and dad so casually. So Felicity had been looking for her dad then? Had she ever found him? And what did she mean by 'psycho mom'? Oliver is angry to realize that he thought he and Felicity were close only to discover that he has had the wrong idea all along.

"Not really. Said she grew up with her mom, and didn't really get along with her because she was unstable after her dad left them. Look man, I knew about her prom night but…"

"You knew?" Oliver deadpans.

"Yeah, it obviously came up when she told me about Millers then, but that's not the point. I think she meant it when she said she never wants to talk about it again. She would have felt humiliated and lost even without the comms on, but knowing that we both overheard the whole thing must be pouring salt on a disgusting wound. I say we owe it to her to let it go and not push her."

"Of course," Oliver says like it has always been obvious and he has not considered for long minutes to track the asshole down, scare the living crap out of him and force him to leave Felicity alone.

They go back to fighting each other off.

Felicity stumbles back half an hour later, with a drunken smile that he has never seen on her face before, lets herself fall on her computer chair, clicks Aaron's face away after a sigh and a shake of her head, then proceeds to put her set up at the museum in gear. Oliver has to bite his lips not to make a comment about her drunken state. To be honest, he's completely amazed by the fact that she can be so efficient even drunk off her ass. That's why he stays silent until she gets up and wavers a little bit. He goes to help her stand correctly, but Diggle beats him off the task and shakes his head no.

He lets Diggle carry her back to her car and drive her home. He has no idea what they talk about on the drive back but it feels even worse than knowing that she is considering seeing Aaron the Asshole again. Because Diggle gets to push her and he obviously doesn't get to just be her friend.

* * *

Weirdly enough, it takes him a while to realize that she is dating Aaron Millers. Felicity doesn't speak his name for the longest time, doesn't even seem distracted by more texts and nothing seems out of the ordinary. Soon after the night at the gala, they encounter a lot of annoying bad guys that keep them busy a lot.

That's his excuse for not noticing it right away.

Everything turns to shit a month after the gala. Felicity comes in late. As in, later than Oliver — which never happens. He's about to call her frantically when she stumbles out of the elevator, disheveled, out of breath, glasses forgotten, and wearing little to no makeup. Oliver's a pretty observant guy, but he's so distracted by how… _unusual_ the situation is that it takes him a minute to realize she is wearing the exact same very tight and cute electric blue dress as yesterday.

"I'm so, so sorry Oliver," Felicity begins before he can even get a word of concern out. "I overslept and didn't have time to change or find my hair band, or have coffee and I know you have that huge meeting at 9 that I was supposed to attend with you, just give me a minute in your bathroom real quick and I'll be right back and ready to rock that conference room's socks off! Not that the conference room has any socks. No, that'd be weird."

"Are you okay?" Oliver asks, eyeing her warily.

She has never been late. The only time she didn't show up for work was when Barry was in a coma a year and a half ago. Felicity's cheeks are already red from running, but he's pretty sure they're getting redder when she meets his eyes.

"Huh-huh," she breathes and smiles dreamily. "Never better."

"O-kay…"

Oliver frowns but smiles back at her, then opens the door to his office so she can walk to his executive bathroom and apply the makeup she doesn't need. He heads to his desk and sits on his chair, when the content of her babble suddenly hits him.

Why wouldn't she have time to change? Why couldn't she find her hair band? He looks back to his bathroom door, his frown growing deeper. He remembers her leaving the foundry a little after Diggle… What time was it? Nine? Surely…

No.

_No way!_

But then the door opens and Felicity comes out of the bathroom _humming a song_, smiling at him happily and the weirdest sentence comes out of her mouth.

"I have two minutes to grab coffee, want one?"

Coffee. She's offering _coffee_. And when he stares back at her expressionlessly, she just shrugs joyfully and skips away with a new pep in her step. So. Yeah. This is how Oliver understands that Felicity just spent the night at a guy's house, and he has a sinking feeling that the guy in question is Asshole Aaron.

The thought fills him with an anger that is the opposite of self-righteous.

He then has the weirdest and creepiest thought (and he is so glad no one can read his mind because it is so wrong), wondering if she even had a chance to change her underwear. His eyes take a life of their own and end up following her bottom on her way out and then his mind goes blank.

_Holy shit._

She's going commando.

He has absolutely no idea why, but the realization angers him to no end. How professional is that? So what, she has a night of debauchery and can't even find a way to sneak home? Was Asshole Aaron so amazing that she couldn't even think to go home to just freaking change? Or buy new and clean underwear? He's not the worst freaking boss in the world, he could have understood if she'd texted him about being late!

When she comes back in his office though, she has the softest smile and she's carrying a mug full of deliciously smelling coffee. She mistakes his strained face for worry and poses a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"I know you're nervous about the meeting, that's why I ran so fast. I promised I would be here and I always keep my promises."

The anger he felt towards her melts instantly, leaving only resentment aimed at himself. She's basically turning him into a raging dick because she wants to be a supportive friend and he apparently can't handle her being an adult and a hot woman.

He sighs, a deep-from-the-bone sigh while he turns his chair to face her, and she takes off her hand to lean against his desk, a few inches short of actually sitting on it. Turns out it was a terrible idea.

He's basically facing her naked legs, she's got her head all tilted, he knows she's not wearing underwear, and as she leans against his desk his mind flashes back to the gala when she went on a very angry tangent.

"_Oh yeah, you got me. We do it _everywhere_. His couch, his desk chair, his desk, my desk, the bar in his night club, his desk at the club, it's just a lot of desks-related sex basically it's a miracle we get anything done…_"

Oliver's suddenly assaulted by unwarranted visions of her without underwear, displayed in various positions that all involve this very desk and/or the chair he's currently sitting uncomfortably in. None of those situations are safe for work, or work-related for that matter. He tries to gulp and fails. It ends up being a pathetic gurgle that has not come out of his mouth since he was fourteen.

Felicity has obviously sensed his discomfort because she frowns, and he has to roll his chair back under the desk to hide an entirely new reaction to his friend when she moves closer to him in concern.

"Hey, it's going to be okay, I swear. I'm here for you," she whispers softly.

Ha! Her soothing and caring voice is _not_ helping.

"I swear I'm okay, Felicity." His voice is so strangled, he has no idea how she can understand him. "You can go home and change if you want." _Please do. Please go away and put on underwear. Please._ "You can even take the whole morning off."

It takes a lot of arguing, and he has no idea how he manages to keep everything bottled down, but after he assures her that she doesn't need to attend that stupid meeting because he has prepared a ton (he has not prepared a ton) she relents and seems a little relieved to be let off the hook so fast. She has no idea that it makes two of them. Diggle would have a field day if he knew. He cannot ever know. Ever.

She disappears right before the board shows up, and he gets in late in the conference room because it apparently takes longer to calm himself than he ever thought it would.

Either way. That's how he realizes that Felicity Smoak is having sex with Asshole Aaron, and Oliver is left wondering how he is going to subtly make her understand that she can get in however late she wants as long as this never ever happens again. He also wonders if she has ruined the very concept of a desk and a chair for him.

Fortunately, such a situation never occurs again after that. Unfortunately, Oliver discovers that night when he sees her sitting in her chair staring at an arrow pensively that she has indeed entirely ruined the idea of looking at a desk with pure thoughts.

* * *

To his absolute bliss where he can pretend nothing has changed, she barely ever mentions Aaron. It takes her more than another month to say that she'll be taking the night off. Oliver is coming back from a recon mission with Digg, and she's gathering her stuff to head home when she casually brings it up.

"Hot date?" Diggle grins.

Felicity barely blushes.

"Yep! Did you know there used to be an ad in the London tube that was hilarious? It showed a date – the fruit, obviously – so hot it had smoke coming out from everywhere, and the tag line was 'think this is a hot date? You need to get out more' or something. It was for a dating website." She laughs. "Anyway, one of my friends who travelled across Europe texted me the picture and since then I can't think of that expression without laughing."

Diggle chuckles along with her. Oliver says nothing. At this point, he's just glad she's standing far away from her desk and wearing pants. Tight pants. But it's still better than her short skirts.

"So, Aaron Millers, huh?" Diggle pushes.

Because Diggle can apparently push her. He's allowed. Oliver noisily drops his bow on the table close to his arrows and starts taking his hood off, turning his back to them but listening intently to Felicity's response.

"Yeah…" There's a softness to her voice, like she's really happy. "I _know_, I'm lame but we talked and…"

"It's none of our business, Felicity," Diggle answers while Oliver strips his shirt off. "You deserve to be happy. If he makes you happy, that's enough for me. For _us_."

There are a lot of expletives aimed at Diggle going through Oliver's mind at that. Why did he feel the need to drag him into that stupid conversation? Oliver turns around slowly. Felicity is staring at him attentively, gauging his reaction. She doesn't even look at his abs (should he take offense?). It takes him a few seconds to answer.

"What Digg said," he manages to articulate evenly.

Felicity's eyebrows fly up her forehead. If Diggle's reaction is any indication, Oliver's answer was not the right one. So he apparently proceeds to dig himself into an even bigger hole.

"Look, do I like the guy? No."

"You don't even know him," Felicity counters before he can even add anything else.

"I know enough to know that you…"

He's about to say "deserve better", and he plans to stop right there because this is too weird (what if she answers that "because of the life that she leads _she_'d rather be with someone she could really care about"? That'd be awkward), but thank god, Felicity takes it upon herself to cut him off.

"Please," she scoffs. "don't be a hypocrite."

"A hypocrite?" Oliver repeats.

He doesn't notice that Diggle has crossed his arms over his chest and laid back in his chair, watching the two really interact for the first time since what Oliver secretly calls 'the late-morning incident'. Otherwise, he would realize that he is playing right in his friend's hands.

"Oliver, I never once used your past to judge your current actions. And _I_ know _you_. Don't do that to a guy you have never even exchanged a word with."

"What is that supposed to mean?" he grunts, and takes a step towards her.

Felicity doesn't back down.

"Look, I appreciate that you're looking out for me and all, but I'm a big girl. He hurt me once when he was eighteen. You hurt Laurel for years, in worse ways, and you were still happy that she was willing to take you back!"

"Yeah, because that led to such great consequences," he retorts bitterly.

Felicity softens at that.

"I promise it's not the same. Aaron's changed, and he makes me really happy. We've been dating again for over two months and we're both in a really good place. We have fun, we're both very busy because of our jobs but we manage…" she shrugs. "That's enough for me."

Oliver clenches his jaw and nods stiffly. Felicity raises her eyebrows.

"Okay?"

"Like you said. You're a big girl."

"Great. Because I think he'll be my plus one at QC's Christmas party next month and I really don't want you to go all Arrow-y on him."

He can't help a devilish smile that brings terror to Felicity's eyes.

"Oliver, _please_!"

Diggle takes it as his cue to stand up and step between them.

"He's kidding. Don't worry, we'll be on our best behavior. I promise."

Felicity gives him a long look of worry, absolutely not convinced (and rightly so) that Oliver was joking, but turns on her heels and walks out of the foundry, Diggle in tow. Since Slade ruined everything last year, either Diggle or Oliver walks her back to her car and makes sure that she drives back home safely. Oliver pulls up Felicity's dot and looks at it across Starling City's streets, waiting for his friend to walk back.

"I wasn't kidding," Oliver says when he hears the man enter the lair.

"Oh I know. You are a stubborn idiot, and if you want to risk Felicity's friendship and esteem for a ridiculous pissing contest, go ahead. But if I were you, I wouldn't push my luck."

* * *

He's not jealous, per say. It's not jealousy; he does not want to sleep with Felicity. Okay, he's had a few fantasies lately, but it's only because of her ramble, not because he actually _wants_ her. He is not in love with her either, he would know. But Diggle and him have been the only men in her life for three years and he has grown accustomed to the attention.

Maybe deep down, he is a three year old. And maybe deep down, he has abandonment issues too.

He definitely has issues, that is for sure.

Because from the moment she has voiced the fact that she is indeed dating Asshole Aaron, he finds himself texting her a little more often after hours, and after-after hours. Oh, he always has a good reason. It's always work-related.

_Where are the DC-52 forms that you wanted me to sign off earlier?_ (He doesn't care about these forms and will not sign them off for three more days.)

_R. has a new lead from the Glades. Meeting at the F in 20. _(Roy just mentions one name that leads to nothing, everyone goes to bed at 4 and looks like shit in the morning.)

Like a teenage girl, he reads his texts a hundred times to make sure that there's nothing flirty about them. He doesn't want Felicity to get the wrong idea. But he sure as hell wants to mess with Asshole Aaron's head.

He doesn't realize what he's doing immediately, as is becoming usual since Aaron came in the picture. He's used to calling Felicity often and doesn't really think about it that much; it's always business-related. Soon however he notices that she either doesn't pick up and lets his calls go to voicemail, or takes the longest time to text back.

Since he apparently has major issues, he becomes sort of a gigantic phone-stalker. He just has to remind her every night that he's in her life. To Oliver, this is a whole new level of pathetic. One he has not reached since he was sixteen and wanted to get into Laurel's pants.

He's basically growing backwards. The thought is as depressing as the thought of losing Felicity to Asshole Aaron.

When he finally meets the guy at the Christmas party, Felicity looks so happy and relaxed (and gorgeous, and she is actually wearing underwear and still steering clear of desks) that he can't bring himself to treat Aaron with the utmost disgust the guy instills in him.

But Aaron turns out to be an even bigger asshole than Oliver thought.

He spends the entire night touching Felicity, his fingers constantly brushing the small of her back, making small talk with her former friends from the I.T department, and being actually nice towards Oliver (but Oliver's sure it's completely faked).

"Yeah, what an asshole," Diggle mocks when Aaron leaves to fetch a glass for Felicity while she goes to the ladies room.

Oliver sends him his scariest death glare. Diggle is not impressed. Neither is Lyla. The only one sharing Oliver's absolute repulsion is Roy who has no idea what really happened between Felicity and Aaron but apparently doesn't like the guy. It might have something to do with the way Thea swoons over him when she meets him, but Oliver will take what he can get.

"I really don't get what she sees in him," Roy grunts before Oliver can say anything.

That earns him a proud smile from his mentor.

"That's because you are not gay, honey," Thea coos. "Weirdly enough, you kind of look like him Oliver. He's like a chestnut-haired, brown-eyed version of you. Even the abs section looks alike."

There is the longest moment of silence, then Diggle dissolves into a fit of laughter that earns him an even meaner look from Oliver.

"Absolutely not," Oliver retorts, offended.

"You know what? You're right!" Roy says at the same time.

Forget about the pride and the smile. If looks could kill, Roy would be dead even with the mirakuru.

"I do not look like that… That _man_!"

They have lost Diggle who is crying from laughing too hard. Oliver doesn't understand what is so funny. So what if Thea thinks they sort of look alike (which they absolutely don't)?

"This is too good," Digg chokes in between fits.

This is the moment Felicity chooses to walk back to them.

"What's going on here?" she smiles.

While Diggle is still dying of laughter under Roy and Lyla's very amused eyes, Thea and Oliver answer at the same time.

"Nothing."

"Aaron kinda looks like a brown-haired version of Oliver, don't you think? Isn't it weird?"

Felicity freezes in her spot, and looks at her boyfriend who's been caught up in a conversation with Jared Alston. The sight fills Oliver with happiness. Jared is the most boring person ever, and he has to be invited to all QC related events. Oliver remembers all too clearly the last time he was forced into a conversation with that dull excuse of a human being, and he's glad Felicity's letting Aaron rot with him like she did that night at the gala.

But then his partner blushes a deep crimson color and stomps off to save her stupid boyfriend, throwing a quiet "I don't really think so!" that earns her a "Thank you!" from Oliver as he watches her find a lame excuse to take Aaron away from Jared.

She leads him to a corner of the room, takes the glass that he offers her and doesn't notice when Aaron subtly nudges a little closer to the door… where the decorating committee decided to hang the mistletoe.

Oliver rolls his eyes so high it hurts. Such. A. Lame. Move.

He watches as Felicity's head lifts to see where she landed, and observes the smile that illuminates her face when she realizes what's going to happen.

"Here?" Oliver reads on her lips.

Aaron shrugs. He looks so smitten, it's ridiculous.

"Can't I kiss my girlfriend?"

Oliver wants to barf. He wants to turn his back to the scene, but like a deer caught in headlights, he can't help but stare at them as Aaron smoothly slides his arm to circle her waist, softly brushes her hair off her shoulder with his other hand to cup her head and slowly kisses her.

Oliver chugs down a whole glass of champagne, as he hears a dreamy sigh next to him. It's Thea. She looks like she used to when she watched as Aladdin and Jasmine kissed on the balcony.

"They make such a cute couple."

Oliver doesn't dignify what he thinks is a stupid sentence with a response.

The worst part is when two days later, Felicity kisses him on the cheek to thank him for being such a good friend. Not only does it spur a whole new set of chair-desk fantasies that he had been spared with until now, but she takes it as absolute approval and no longer uses the "Aaron filter" that she had apparently set up for his sake until now.

However, she lets him text her even more after that and doesn't complain when he calls her with lamer and lamer excuses that make him look and sound like the least capable CEO in the history of CEOs (which he probably is anyways).

* * *

Oliver wouldn't say he's completely satisfied with Felicity dating Asshole Aaron, and it pains him to acknowledge that the guy is not an absolute douche looking for a better way to rip her heart to shreds.

In the next few months, he manages to only see him three or four times when he picks up Felicity from Queen Consolidated for dates or week-ends at his family's cabin. He apparently is getting more demanding because Thursday has now become Aaron's night, and she can't go home too late or has to warn him beforehand. It is far from ideal but once it actually prevents her from going on the field and that is always a win in Oliver's book. She mostly manages to help them out from her place. Oliver doesn't know how, but he figures that it must piss Aaron off to no end, so it is not that bad.

Generally speaking, everything goes well for these few months. Felicity is getting nervous about their one year anniversary four weeks from now, because _of course_ Perfect Aaron has something planned. Couldn't even keep it a freaking surprise.

"What should I get him?" Felicity asks for the seventh time in three days, biting her nails.

Oliver wants to say "His balls back," but refrains from doing so.

It is a testament to his control that he manages to stay completely quiet.

"Sex always works," is Roy's actual answer.

Then he apparently remembers that Oliver is there and has ears because he freezes.

"Not for me though. Because I don't do that kind of thing. But you… can. Right?"

Felicity's biting her lips to keep herself from laughing.

"Oh come on Oliver, relax a little," she laughs.

She has no idea how much he doesn't care about Roy doing stuff with his sister. Last time he tried to scare Roy off the mansion, Thea mouth-raped her boyfriend and proceeded to rip Oliver a new one that left him with ringing ears.

He's currently concentrating on not thinking back to how he knows that Felicity "_can_" do "_that kind of things_".

"What does he like?" Diggle queries, and that sets Felicity off to a whole new topic.

Turns out Wonderful Aaron likes puppies, the same T.V shows as her, good alcohol, cigars, and is a full world peace supporter. Yeah. Right. Oliver snickers, but Felicity is so engrossed in her loving depiction of her perfect(ly implausible) boyfriend that she doesn't hear it.

So it is not ideal but he can deal with it.

A few weeks later the Clock King comes back to town with a revenge and it turns out to be a three-day nightmare. It isn't so much that Felicity is scared. She says herself that after facing Slade Wilson, she has trouble being scared by anything (except spiders and kangaroos, don't ask). Oliver is the one that can't sleep. Knowing what happened the last time, he doesn't trust Felicity to stay safe, and he's terrified that the Clock King targets her when Oliver can't protect her.

He deals with the situation sort of fine when they're at Queen Consolidated. Felicity has her determined mask full on, doesn't take breaks and tries to figure out what he wants with her. Diggle drives her himself to the foundry and she secures things that Oliver doesn't understand in order to make sure that what happened last time is not going to be repeated.

It's when she goes home and Aaron is not with her that he is petrified with fear. He lets her know that he will be stalking her red dot and that she better not turn off her cellphone and as usual she lets him because she understands where he's coming from.

Turns out, he was right not to trust her because when she discovers what the Clock King has in tow for them, she doesn't tell anyone about her discoveries and lies about meeting with Digg in the lobby. She only gets an hour ahead, but she has left her phone behind to make sure that Oliver can't track her, and she borrows the car of one her friends from IT.

Diggle's text sends a chilling shiver down Oliver's spine.

_Where's Felicity? She left her phone on her desk but her purse's gone and I can't find her._

He stands up to leave the meeting he was stuck in immediately and pushes the door to his office. Through the glass wall he sees Diggle holding Felicity's phone, his brows furrowed. Oliver curses, understanding that he's been played.

He stomps off to meet Diggle, who has understood that something's wrong. Once Oliver explains what he fears, Diggle is seething. He takes the Bentley while Oliver rides his motorcycle to the foundry in hope that Felicity had to take a detour before acting even more foolishly.

"How are we going to find her?" Diggle grunts, and Oliver can hear the worry in his voice.

Now is probably the best time he can admit to his major control freak issues. He sits on Felicity's chair, even takes the time to mess with it because he's really mad at her for acting so stupid and putting them in such a predicament after all they've been through, and activates the second tracker he has installed on her tablet after the Slade Debacle.

Diggle shakes his head but says nothing (but Oliver decides that he will never tell him how he almost put one in her favorite necklace because he doesn't trust Diggle's potential reaction to this news). They pinpoint the spot she's at, and Oliver's out right away. Diggle calls Roy for backup, and tries to get a blueprint of the building. Felicity showed him once or twice how she gets her hands on them (she has had the entirety of the City Hall's servers saved on a secured one connected to the foundry) and he manages to steer Oliver in the right direction from afar.

When Oliver arrives at the scene, he hears two gun shots followed by screams; sounds that chill him to the bone. He can only follow his instincts because Diggle can no longer help and he bursts into the room to see Felicity standing against a pillar, literally kicking the gun out of the Clock King's hands, the same way Sara taught her. A feeling of pride spreads in Oliver's chest when he watches her elbow her assailant in the nose and finish him off with a knee in the groin.

The Clock King falls. Felicity tries to catch her breath, closes her eyes, and lets herself sink against the pillar she has been holding onto.

"Felicity!" Oliver yells.

She looks at him and smiles faintly. Only then does he notice the blood dripping along her right arm. He has the most horrible flashback from another night, another warehouse, another blond, and the same thick red blood dripping from her body.

"Why? Why!"

"You're mad," she murmurs, and tries to sit up but Oliver lifts her up before she can move another muscle.

"You're damn right I'm mad! What the hell were you thinking?"

Roy rushes into the room, takes in the form of the Clock King and Felicity in Oliver's arms, and lets out a sigh of relief that makes Felicity smile.

"I'm okay," she laughs a little hysterically to Roy. "I fought him off! I want to high five you, but my arm won't move right now."

Roy smiles back at her, but it doesn't reach his eyes.

"I think you're in shock."

"No shit," is Oliver's answer. "Digg, Felicity's going to need to go to the hospital."

"No!" Felicity protests.

She tries to wriggle out of Oliver's grasp but his hold on her only tightens.

"It's just a scratch, Oliver! I'm not going to the hospital; it means a statement, and maybe dragging attention to us and our link to this mess in the first place. No way. Digg will stitch me up."

"Felicity, I strongly suggest that you do not push me right now."

"I am _not_ going to the hospital," she vouches heatedly. "You can't force me to go. My life. My choice."

He hates these words from her mouth so bad he wishes he could shove them up her ass and make her choke on it. But he settles with gritting his teeth and clenching his jaw so hard it hurts.

"_FINE_. Digg, you heard her. Call Lance and let him know that he has a package at this address. Have the first aid kit ready please."

"_You got it."_

Oliver disconnects his comm. "Roy, how did you come?"

"Stole a truck."

"Good."

Oliver throws him the keys to his motorcycle. Roy looks like a kid on Christmas day, and fails to hide it.

"Bring it back to the mansion. I'll meet you there."

Roy does not need to be told twice. He barely says goodbye before he disappears. When they reach the washed out vehicle, Felicity breaks into a giggling fit.

"What?" Oliver barks.

"Nothing," she says and winces from moving. "Just the thought of the cops arresting Green Arrow while he's driving a barely functioning truck."

Oliver sighs angrily.

"Let me down," she offers. "I can go sit by myself. Take your hood and mask off in the meantime, it'll draw less attention to you."

Oddly enough, Oliver actually does what she said.

"Wow. I didn't think you'd listen."

Oliver throws everything in the backseat and glares reproachfully at her as he turns the engine on by connecting the wires together and begins driving.

"You should try it some time."

"I am not sorry," she answers right away.

"Oh I know you're not. That's why I'm so angry."

"Well, there's even less of a point to you being angry since it won't guilt me into not doing it again."

At that, Oliver actually loses it and hits the wheel so hard the truck honks. The sudden noise and the violence of his reaction make Felicity jump and eye him with raw fear.

"DAMMIT FELICITY!"

He pulls over so fast she looks convinced for a second that he's not in control of the vehicle and they are having an accident; but then he turns to her, looks her straight in the eyes for what feels like the first time in months and he sees her still in shock.

"I can't go through this again," his voice actually breaks when he says it. "What part of that can't you understand?!"

That has the merit to not only shut her up but also make her look deeply guilty.

"Oh my god. I… I hadn't thought… It's nothing like…"

"You left your phone on purpose, Felicity! I thought we were past this, I thought we were past you feeling left out, feeling like you had anything to prove!"

"We are! I swear we are, it had nothing to do with me, it was about _you _and QC! He made specific threats about hurting _you_!"

"So? What's new? I am a freaking walking target! The guy is a cripple! A smart cripple, but a cripple all the same, with you on my team I had nothing to worry about!"

"I'm sorry, okay?"

"So now you're sorry?" he asks, incapable of hiding the disbelief in his voice.

"Yes! Yes, I am sorry. I didn't think it would… Remind you of that night."

He has to push away the memories of Sara laying in his arms, unmoving, covered in blood. He doesn't say anything for a second just swallows the lump stuck in his throat, then drives back on the road in the direction of the foundry. He's still fuming, and even Felicity looking stricken with remorse doesn't tame the flow of emotions that is menacing to take over him.

"How did you find me anyway?" she eventually asks timidly.

"I don't trust you enough to tell you." He answers coldly.

She looks hurt but gulps it down, leans against the armrest and holds her right arm awkwardly. Worry and guilt seep into his chest, reinforcing the anger that won't ebb away but he doesn't say anything for fear of losing it again.

"I'll let it go for tonight, but don't think you're getting off that easy."

When they get to the foundry, she is in terrible pain. Diggle gives her two "aspirins" and she doesn't even try to protest before she swallows them and rips off her sleeve.

Turns out she was lucky and she doesn't have anything but a long graze that needs four stitches. Within ten minutes, she's higher than the Empire State Building, and only then can Oliver get a grip on his emotions and break a smile.

"Oliver already yelled at me," she mumbles to Digg. "But you can yell too if you want. I repent."

Diggle sighs and shakes his head. "What you did was careless and stupid."

"But you would do it for me," she argues. "I am no damsel in distress, screw Disney. I'm like Rapunzel with her pan but my pan was my knee and my elbow and my leg. I took down the cripple."

Diggle doesn't understand most of what she's saying but he doesn't contradict her.

"Oh yeah? The Clock King's a cripple?"

"Oliver says he is," she whines like he said it to hurt her. Oliver cringes because he didn't mean it that way. He'll tell her tomorrow how impressed he was with her fighting skills.

"Well, you're still a badass," Diggle says in a comforting voice.

She stays quiet for the longest time, staring at her bloodied sleeve wordlessly. Oliver gets worried that she's having the weirdest fainting fit ever, so he crouches down to meet her eyes. They're filled with unshed tears, and she gulps before whispering.

"I miss her too."

His heart stops. None of them speak after that. Diggle smiles sadly, and Oliver declares that he'll be the one to take her home. It's only eleven pm but they have all had enough for the night so after another admonishment and a crushing hug, Diggle goes back to the Bentley while Oliver carries Felicity to the car he keeps at Verdant for emergencies.

The drive home is completely quiet. Oliver thinks Felicity has fallen asleep but she's just "looking at all the pretty lights" through the window, all open mouth and vacant stare. He tries not to chuckle but she looks adorable when she's high. Once he parks though, her demeanor changes.

"Huh-hoh!" she says and giggles gawkily.

"What?" he asks, worried.

She struggles to point a shaky finger at her building. She's trying to point at her living room window, the one that is lit up.

"Aaron's home. That is going to be awkward."

Shit. It's Thursday. Aaron night.

"He has your key?" Oliver asks, because of course it's the most important thing to ask right now.

Felicity looks at him with a dreamy smile and moans a little.

"Yeah. I have the key to his apartment too. Serious boyfriend and girlfriend stuff. My mom would be proud. _'You should wear more skirts Felicity'_" she mimics a high-pitched ridiculous voice that is apparently supposed to sound like her mother. "Well, now I do, and I get laid, thank you very much – took a while though…"

"O-kay!" Oliver says and takes it as his cue to open his door. "Let's go, junkie, we're headed home."

"Oooooohhhh noooo!" Felicity whisper-shouts at him when he opens her door. She grabs onto the handle and pulls it towards her. "I can't go home."

"Why not?"

He pulls a little harder and easily manages to open the door fully before he kneels down to her level. She has the toughest time looking at him straight and keeps blinking like a gigantic parrot.

"I am very much high, mister Ol-li-ver Queen. I am so high I'm pretty sure I speak birdian. It's the language of birds," she feels compelled to clarify. "They've told me."

"So? Tell him you're drunk."

"I forgot about him to get _drunk_? But I'm a good girlfriend!" she whines. "He doesn't think I am, but I am."

Oliver unbuckles her and slides her arm around his shoulder to stand her up.

"What? Why does he think that?"

"I don't know if he thinks that, he never told me I'm a bad girlfriend but I think he thinks that I am."

"That doesn't make any sense."

He closes the door, locks his car, gets her keys and carries her to the main door. She lets her head fall on his shoulder, and tucks it under his chin and _is she sniffing him_?

"You smell so good."

Apparently she is. He can't help but laugh.

"Thank you."

"And yes it makes total sense. It's because you call and text _all the time_," she mumbles in his neck. "He thinks we're having an affair."

_Let him_, he wants to say.

"He wouldn't be the first," is his much more appropriate answer.

"Mmmhhh. But I am a good girlfriend and I love him. I got him a super good present for our one year anniversary."

"Good for him." He says but his heart has skipped a beat when she so openly admitted to what he did not want to know.

"What about my arm?"

"What?"

He pushes the button for the elevator, his heart beating so loud in his chest he's wondering whether she can hear it.

"I can't move my arm and I have stitches."

"Don't worry about that, I'll take care of it. Tell him you don't remember anything. I'm still your emergency contact, right?"

The doors for the elevator open and he steps in, pressing the button for the fourth floor.

"Mmmh," she nods. "He'll be mad. We'll fight. I don't want to fight with him."

"Don't worry, you're very good at fighting me, you can take him just fine."

"Mh," she barely whispers. "I'm not worried about losing you."

The sentence fills his heart with something he can't name because he doesn't know what it is. It's… It's warm, it's elating, and it makes him smile softly. But then he understands that she is worried about losing Aaron, and doesn't want to, and Oliver doesn't know how _that_ makes him feel either.

They reach her floor, and he braces himself for what's coming next. Felicity smiles proudly at him while she presses the bell with her functioning fingers.

Barely a second after, Aaron throws the door open, his face the very definition of torment.

"Oh thank god! Felicity you're okay!" he exclaims once he realizes she's there and alive.

"Heyyyy baaaaabe!" she coos and puts her head back down on Oliver's shoulder.

He has to fight every fiber of his being not to smirk at the guy when he steps inside the apartment, still carrying Felicity bridal-style.

"What the hell happened?" Aaron follows them, his voice dripping with desperation.

It almost moves Oliver; an hour and a half ago that was him. But he doesn't say anything, just walks toward her room and pushes the door open.

"You were supposed to be there hours ago! I couldn't reach your cell, I got so worried I was this close to calling the police!"

"I'm so sorry! I don't remember anything, right Oliver?" she mutters apologetically.

Oliver turns the lights on with her feet, and lowers her down on the bed.

"Is she drunk?" Aaron asks, brows furrowed.

"Oliver says I'm drunk," is Felicity slurred answer.

She smiles at Oliver and tries to get her right arm to pat his but she giggles when it doesn't respond to her command. He smiles at her fondly, takes her hand in both of his and kisses it gently.

"Don't come to work tomorrow, okay? Take the whole week-end off. Just rest up, and we'll talk on Monday. Enjoy your boyfriend and your anniversary, okay?"

"Mmmh-mmmh. I got him a nice present."

"I know. And no coding or anything for a while with that hand."

"Thanks for not yelling more, Oliver."

"You're welcome."

She closes her eyes. Oliver considers taking her shoes off, just to piss Aaron off, but he might be pushing things a little too far. So he just stands up and lets her boyfriend close the door behind them.

"What the _hell_ happened?"

"I don't really know," Oliver lies smoothly. "Apparently, she forgot her phone at her desk, next thing I know I'm called by paramedics because they're stitching her up in front of a local bar. I think she was out with her friends and it got a little out of hand, she fell on broken glass. Nothing too serious, but she has a few stitches and they upped the drunkenness with a little too much anesthetic. She'll be fine tomorrow."

"Why did they call you if she was with her friends?"

"I'm her emergency contact," Oliver answers as he hands him back her purse.

He takes delight in the punching effect the news has on Aaron.

"Felicity doesn't really have any friends at work beside you and John Diggle," he insists.

"I don't know. I'm her friend, not her keeper. She doesn't owe me any explanation as to how and who she spends her nights with."

He spins on his heels to head towards the door but Aaron's voice stops him.

"Oh really? Is that why you text her and call her twenty four seven?"

So Felicity was right. _Of course she is right_. Oliver fights off the grin, and sort of wishes that Diggle was here to prevent things from straying too far.

"So? We're friends and we work together. Of course I text her a lot. Or was there something else on your mind?"

He walks back to Aaron, not really willing to back down, daring him to ask if he's sleeping with Felicity and yeah, he definitely shouldn't have told Digg to head home. But Aaron is undeterred, unimpressed, just… confident, and not even in an arrogant way. In a completely secure way.

It completely baffles Oliver.

"Look man, you can text her and call her all you want, make her use her tablet at three in the morning when she thinks I'm sleeping, you can take her for drinks behind my back, hide her phone so she can't message me, and even beck her to come join you for as many 'work emergencies' as you can come up with. At the end of the day, I'm the one she comes home to. I love her. I think she's in love with me too. And whether you like it or not, whatever mistakes I've made in the past, I'm here to stay. She's one in a million, and I'm not letting her go without a fight."

"Good for you," Oliver answers flatly.

He feels like he's falling apart inside.

"I'm going to ask her to marry me."

That sucks the breath out of his lungs. Aaron says this like it's an obvious fact. No worry, no concern in his voice. She spends almost every night with another man, hiding secrets from him, her actual boyfriend, and he loves her so much he doesn't care. Oliver struggles to hide how impressed and shaken he feels.

"Not right now," Aaron keeps going in a calm and soothing voice. "But I know she's the one and I'm not scared to let her know. I don't care if we get married soon or in five years because she's not ready. But if I were you, I'd get prepared to let the idea of her go. And I'd start finding other people to harass with incessant texting."

Oliver steps towards Aaron and pats him paternalistically on the shoulder, clenching his other fist with all his strength to prevent himself from having any other reaction. Aaron doesn't even flinch.

"Thank you for the concern, buddy. Tell you what, I'll start right on that the day these words come out of Felicity's mouth."

"Suit yourself."

Oliver manages not to break the door when he opens it, and does not bother to close it behind him on his way out. He can't wait for the elevator and decides to take the stairs but halfway through them the reality of what Aaron just said in the nicest, least territorial way hits him hard.

For the first time, Oliver grasps what he has feared so much since Felicity came in late that morning. It wasn't possessiveness. It wasn't even love, really. He… It's need. It's just plain need. He _needs_ her, and he's not afraid to fight with her because that's their way of knowing that they still have each other.

'_I'm not worried about losing you'_ she'd slurred earlier.

It pains him to no end to acknowledge that he can't say the same. Oliver was afraid when the Count held her hostage. His heart stopped beating when Slade terrorized her and killed Sara in front of them. He's known for a while that he cannot function without her. So far, Oliver has always been worried that she'd be ripped away from him _because_ of him. Of Green Arrow. Of his quest.

He has never stopped to consider that he might lose her because her life waited for her.

She never mentions her family, but what if she wants to start one? What if she wants to get married, have kids? He's never asked her because he is terrified of her answer. She probably never mentioned it because it was never a current matter. Aaron is the first guy that she is seriously dating since she has joined their crusade.

What if she says yes? Maybe she can still work with them. But after a wedding come kids, and then… No. If she gets pregnant, she's out. He can barely tolerate it when she's out on the field, he won't be able to handle it if anything happens to her child. And he will not be responsible for her kids to lose their mother.

The thoughts send his head spinning; Oliver has to sit down on the stairs. He mostly just sinks against the wall and looks into empty space, incapable of processing what just happened.

Whether he wants it or not, he's losing Felicity. _He's losing her_. And there's nothing he can do about it. He can't hope for her to be unhappy, can he?

'_I'm a good girlfriend and I love him.'_

He tries to gulp. A lump stays stuck in his throat, unmoving.

'_It's my life. My choice.'_

Oliver wipes his face with his hands. They're shaking.

'_There was no choice to make.'_

He can't breathe.

'_It's my life. My choice.'_

So far, Felicity has always chosen him. So far, he has always chosen her, even if it is not always in the way she has hoped. As Oliver sits on the stairs in Felicity's apartment building, he admits to himself that he is the most selfish human on Earth.

Because he may never dare say it out loud, but he sure as hell wishes she chooses him once more. Always.

From that day on, Oliver lays off the texting and calling. Diggle notices the very first day. Oliver tells him about Aaron's plans for Felicity and their future. There's a heavy silence. Then Diggle heaves a sigh, looks up at the ceiling, and goes to one of the tables. When he comes back, he's handing him out the same batons as when Felicity met Aaron at the gala.

Oliver doesn't say a word and follows Diggle on the mats. He trains until his muscles cry for him.

[**NEXT:** Part Three - Felicity's POV]

* * *

**Author's Note :** Don't worry, it is still a Felicity/Oliver fic. Oliver's just a stubborn jackass. Next chapter, we'll be going back to Felicity and Aaron's second first date, then jump to the morning after Oliver and Aaron's confrontation.

I hope the second part lived up to your expectations! Let me know what you thought :-) Thank you so much for reading.


	3. Part Three

Once again: WOW. Thank you SO much to everyone who took the time to comment, guests and registered users (I still have a few reviews to answer to I'll get around to it later today I promise!)! This third part is a monster. I considered cutting it but it doesn't really have a half, it's more a huge part and then a short one so... I figured what the hell. I hope it's not too much to chew, and that it is as good as you expected. I'd like to send out a special thanks to Quisinart4 and Daftmunky who helped me fix a few mistakes in the previous chapter. It has been updated and should be fixed by now.

**Of Need and Abandonment Issues**

**III.**

He's waiting for her at the bar, standing awkwardly and a little desperately on the sidewalk. She stays in her car, eyes fixed on him, clutching the wheel like her life depends on it, and tries to talk herself out of stepping out of her car.

She can't do this again. She can't walk up to Aaron and do the guy the courtesy of giving him a second chance, can she? She didn't doll up, didn't even change from her work clothes. It's a slow week for Team Arrow, Oliver's tired and they have all decided to take the night off.

She still doesn't know why she texted Aaron. A week after she gave him a fake number, she receives a beautiful bouquet at her place with his card and a "_if no one writes songs about the ones that come easy, I can't help but hope that our story becomes a beautiful opera_" scribbled on the back.

It's so cheesy, she wants to roll her eyes, but the truth is it melts her heart and paints her face a deep crimson color. It takes her two more days to find the strength to text him back. She's in bed, it's two am, and she's obsessing about the flowers.

'_If you're going to quote chick flicks I made you watch, how long 'til you sing _I can't take my eyes off of you_ from crowded bleachers?_'

Her phone buzzes in her hand barely a minute later.

'_Depends, when do you want to go see a game? Pick your poison, I'll get the tickets.'_

She bites her lips. Felicity doesn't want to press the 'answer' button, but it's like she's in high school again, tucked in her comforter, exchanging secret texts with the most popular jock. The thrill is back, sending bolts of electricity through her veins.

'_The only sport game I'll ever attend will be the_ _Quidditch World Cup.'_

'_You really _are_ going to make this difficult. Did you like the flowers?_'

'_The flowers were cute. The note was over the top._'

'_Good thing I chose not to send them at your work then._'

She gasps when she reads the message, because it never occurred to her that it would have been easier to reach her through QC. She can't imagine Oliver and Diggle's reactions if they knew. She doesn't feel at ease with them knowing that she is seriously considering seeing Aaron again. She loves both of them, but they can be a little overbearing in the protectiveness department and she feels ashamed enough as it is that she's even texting her former boyfriend without her friends' concern looming over her.

'_Very good thing._'

After that night, they exchange texts a few times a day and almost all night long once she's at her place.

And that's how she ends up messaging him an address so they can meet alone for the first time in eight years. She's so nervous. But then she thinks about how she hasn't been on a date since… Damn, a _long_ time, because her flirty thing with Barry does not count and they didn't even start a thing since he became the Flash.

She owes it to herself. Diggle has Lyla, Oliver has… Well Oliver has no one since he lost Sara and she doesn't blame him, but he had a lot of leggy-model type ladies before the Grand Slade Wilson Catastrophe. So what if she's considering seeing that former boyfriend who humiliated her and broke her heart almost ten years ago? He's still super hot. She could do much worse.

Also, she needs to get laid. It's been so long she's pretty sure she doesn't even remember how it's done.

She walks out her car, and strides up to Aaron whose eyes glisten with pure happiness when he sees her in front of him.

"Hey," he says softly, like he can't really believe it.

It makes her feel special. She's twenty five, for God's sake. She shouldn't get wobbly knees because the hot guy is paying her extra attention.

"Hey," she replies and she's proud how steady her voice is.

He gets closer, all hesitant, then kisses her on the cheek awkwardly. She feels the spot he just touched burn, and she doesn't know if it's from his lips or because she's blushing deeply.

"You look gorgeous," Aaron whispers.

"Thank you."

He smiles at her some more, and then tilts his head towards the doors in an invitation to get inside. She nods quickly. As she goes through the door to the bar, she can't help but shiver when his hand brushes the small of her back to lead in her gently. She closes her eyes, and sighs.

He offers to talk about their common past but she brushes the topic off. She knows enough. At this point, she guesses she's just happy that they are offered the chance to start over. So they talk about her, about MIT, how she had a cute stalker for a while that she felt bad about rebuking time and time again, the few guys that she went out with and how she seriously dated one of her professors during her senior year of college.

"Of course you did!" exclaims Aaron. "Aah, I'm going to need another drink if we're broaching the topic of your love life."

He pours them a third glass from the very expensive bottle of red wine he ordered, while Felicity laughs.

"I don't think I really want to broach that topic either…"

"Dare I ask how come you're not Mrs Doctor Smarty-Pants?" he chuckles.

Felicity snickers.

"Oh, easy. He was already married."

Aaron chokes on his drink and raises his eyebrows.

"What? Felicity Smoak, dating a married guy?!"

"I didn't know!" she counters and takes a sip from her glass. "Okay, that's not true, I knew he was married, but he told me they were separated and getting a divorce. I was young and apparently I hadn't learnt anything from my past so… Yeah."

Aaron took a sip of his wine guiltily and winced.

"How did you find out?"

"His twelve-year-old daughter came to yell at me," Felicity explains bitterly. "Isn't that pathetic that getting stood up on prom night isn't the most shameful breakup story I even have?"

Aaron looks down on the floor in embarrassment.

"I really am sorry."

Felicity finishes her drink and pours herself another, shaking her head.

"Don't be. Not only did he join your name on the no fly list, I also found a way to help his wife get a very interesting settlement when she actually filed for divorce."

"Of course you did," Aaron half-smiles.

"It wasn't even the worst part," she admits for the first time.

"Really? There's worse than that?" Aaron deadpans.

Felicity's smile falters.

"I felt disgusting, Benjamin was behaving exactly like my father and I couldn't be the girl who destroyed a marriage."

"He's the one who lied, Felicity," Aaron murmurs, his hand settling on top of hers.

"I've never told anyone this, much less my mom, because what good would that do for anyone, but… I found my dad, right before you dumped me."

Aaron blinks, completely speechless.

"What?"

She takes a deep breath, and is surprised that there aren't any tears in her eyes when she says it out loud for the first time ever.

"He has another family in Arizona. That's why he left. I have two brothers and a sister in a small town close to Phoenix."

"You're kidding!" Aaron says in utter shock. "Have you met them?"

Felicity swallows and plays with her glass, making the wine swirl in the bottom.

"I sent him an invitation for graduation with my cellphone number scribbled on the bottom. His girlfriend called me a week later and told me that I better not mess their lives up, that they had a good thing going and that I should just be happy my dad hadn't made my mom get an abortion."

Aaron looks at her, stunned into silence. He's obviously looking for something to say, but Felicity knows there is nothing to answer to that. It's the reason why she never speaks about her family. It's just tragic and sad, and she's not that person. She refuses to let her parents' mess define her.

"I heard my dad behind her, he was there for the whole thing and didn't intervene. After that, I guess I got what you can call closure. But that story with Benjamin — Professor Harving — brought back a lot of memories that hit too close to home."

They stay quiet while they both finish their drink. Aaron motions for another one, and she nods because damn, she did not expect to be able to open up that much. Even less to Aaron Millers.

"I am so sorry," Aaron eventually articulates, still processing the news.

"Thanks, but I guess I'm sort of fine with it. I turned out okay in the end so screw them all. Anyway, after that gigantic disaster, I was offered a job at Queen Consolidated and that's how I ended up back in California."

Aaron nods, and her sudden soft smile does not go unnoticed.

"That's how you met Oliver Queen?" he presses.

She cocks an eyebrow while she takes a sip of her wine. She's getting dizzy and warm, it's been a while since she's felt that nicely buzzed.

"Smooth, Millers. Really smooth."

He grins sheepishly, and half-shrugs. And just with that, the mood changes from gloomy to very flirty. Aaron's hand plays with her fingers in a very distracting way that makes her take one more sip. She's going to need to stop before this gets out of hand.

"So? I'm a little curious as to how you went from brilliant MIT alumni to assistant of an underqualified CEO, sue me."

"Lawyer jokes from a lawyer? I am so impressed," she jests.

"What can I say? It's in my DNA, now."

She smiles and she understands that she's not getting away with deflecting that subject.

"What did Max tell you exactly?"

"I told you I overheard a conversation. She just mentioned that you'd gotten a promotion you were very vocal about and that she suspected that you and Queen were having an affair."

He looks so vulnerable right then, Felicity's heart skips a beat. Is that really the vibe that comes off their relationship? Max has never even met Oliver, she has never seen them interact, and she knows how Felicity is. Truth be told, she's kind of upset that her friend could think that… But then again, better have everybody think she's a ladder-climbing skank than know the truth.

"We are _not_ having an affair, trust me," she can't help but snort. "We're just very close friends. I helped him out of a lot of situations and when he had to step in to take the reins of the company, I basically was the only one he trusted."

She chuckles.

"He told me once I was his secret weapon. Everyone underestimates the awkward blond secretary, while everyone is weary of a too-smart-looking female consultant. At the time, QC was in the middle a takeover and it wasn't easy fighting off the sharks."

"Do you even like what you're doing?"

The question surprises her. No one has ever wondered about her opinion. Diggle and Oliver knew she hated the position and what it entailed then, but… Nobody has asked her how she felt about it since. It's not like she has end-of-the-year reviews or anything.

"I hated it at first, but I do a lot more than your typical secretary. I basically advise him on various topics and he's the one bringing me coffee."

"Oh so you're the CEO behind the CEO! The puppeteer!"

Felicity bursts in laughter.

"Oh _hell_ no. Oliver does what he wants, he's too much of a stubborn pain in the ass to do otherwise. But he at least listens to me before he brushes all my work aside, and he lets me slack off when I don't feel like dealing with his crap. I have a lot more fun than I ever thought I would."

To be honest, she also loves that he needs her that much. Most days, he would be lost without her. She has admitted that Diggle, Roy and Oliver have become a makeshift family, and for the first time in her life she not only feels like she belongs somewhere, but that she is necessary and needed. What she feels for Oliver is not just loyalty, it's… gratitude. For being the one to introduce that to her.

They drop the topic of Oliver then, and drink another bottle of wine over funnier stories. By the time they're done, the bar is closing and she needs to get home. However she realizes that she is in no shape to drive and neither is her date. They share a cab to her place, and Aaron opens the door to help her out of the car. She stumbles on her feet, the alcohol and high heels making her even more unstable than usual.

Aaron steadies her by holding her waist, and she staggers against the door in an unladylike manner. They laugh drunkenly, as they realize their lips are barely inches apart. Felicity stares at his mouth and wonders if they still taste the same, if he still kisses with burning passion, if his hands are still as warm as they used to be.

Aaron smiles tenderly at her, and softly brushes the hair out of her face.

"Goodnight," he murmurs as he bends to drop a kiss on her cheek.

She can't help the feeling of disappointment that seeps in her chest. He's about to step away, but Felicity has had enough of being treated like a perfect snowflake of frailty. The alcohol emboldens her. That's why she doesn't think twice, lets her right hand trail up Aaron's chest and grabs his tie to bring him back to her.

She's the one to close the gap between them, slanting her mouth over his. Her heart skips a beat, because he tastes exactly the same, that typical Aaron-taste that makes her toes curl and her hands shake. He kisses her with more passion than she remembers him ever expressing, his hand immediately cupping the back of her head to deepen their embrace, licking her lips, asking for an entrance that she doesn't even try to deny.

They make out for a full ten minutes. When they stop, they're both so breathless it adds to the dizziness they're already feeling. Felicity considers breaking her three-dates rule and drag him upstairs for a lengthy nightcap but Aaron physically steps away, drops his hands to grab his own hair in absolute amazement, and offers her a million-watt smile that makes her laugh giddily.

They stay quiet, like they were eight years ago at Nora Dawson's party for their very first kiss, then Felicity tilts her head, pushes herself off the car and brushes against his shoulder as she wobbles back to her apartment door.

"Goodnight," she says back.

Once she's in the elevator on her way up to her floor, she licks her lips and relishes in Aaron's taste mixed with the delicious red wine they over drank. She can't help but think that this is going to be good.

Finally.

* * *

Exactly a year later, she wakes up alone in her bed with a lingering pain in her right arm and a very dry mouth. It takes her a minute to recall what happened the day before, and startles awake when she remembers the Clock King, Diggle stitching her up and Oliver carrying her home to Aaron.

His side of the bed is made, a note resting on his pillow.

'_Hey alkie! There's ibuprofen and water on the bedside table. Hope the hammer in your head is not in overdrive and that you'll be up for our dinner tonight. In case you don't recall, Queen gave you the day-off and I intend to take full advantage of it. Call me when you wake up.'_

She buries her head in her pillow and wants to scream. She cannot believe how lucky she is. He hasn't dumped her ass. She literally forgot about him in her quest against the Clock King. He hadn't even brushed her mind when she understood what he was planning on doing to Queen Consolidated and Oliver. And then Oliver was yelling at her, telling her he couldn't lose her like he lost Sara…

She feels horrible on so many levels.

For adding to Oliver's terror and guilt, and for forgetting about her very serious and nice boyfriend immediately. She remembers a lot after the oxycodone, but her mind is blank once Oliver crossed the threshold of her apartment and she's left wondering what kind of lie Oliver fed Aaron when he sure as hell asked questions. Knowing Oliver and the emptiness of his bullshit drawer, Felicity quickly grows worried.

That's why she calls him first.

"Hey, how are you doing?" he picks up after the very first ring.

Only then does she wonder what time it is. One in the afternoon? Wow, she really needed the sleep.

"Arm's a little sore but I'm okay. How's that meeting with Alston?"

"Same old, same old," he sighs desperately.

"So completely boring?"

"Even worse," he deadpans.

Felicity smiles quietly, before bracing herself to broach the topic.

"Sooo… Dare I ask how it went with Aaron?"

"What do you mean?" Oliver asks evenly.

Felicity rolls her eyes.

"You barely tolerate him and you're not his favorite person in the world. I remember you dropping me off, and Aaron was wondering where I'd been. What did you tell him?"

"He won't expect you to remember anything. You were out with friends at a bar, you got a little carried away and cut yourself with a piece of glass. Paramedics called me, I got you home and know nothing more."

Felicity sighs in relief and lays back down on the bed. Did Aaron really believe that she went out with friends that she barely ever mentioned before?

"Was he angry?" she wonders out loud.

Now she can literally hear Oliver rolling his eyes.

"The guy worships the floor you walk on, Felicity," he answers like she's stupid. "You can't do anything wrong where he's concerned. I wouldn't worry about it."

Felicity does not expect that answer from Oliver.

"Are you saying something nice about my boyfriend, Oliver Queen?" she can't help but snark.

Oliver lets out an offended huff.

"A guy calling another guy whipped is not technically considered as a nice thing to say in man land but if it works for you…" Felicity doesn't answer, but she knows they're both smiling. Then Oliver sighs and carries on, "Look, I've got to go. I better not see you before Monday, is that clear? I meant it yesterday: enjoy your week-end. Maybe that'll get some sense into you."

"Pot meet kettle," Felicity scoffs.

"Take care."

"You too. I'll be stalking you on my tablet, no funny business."

Oliver laughs and hangs up the phone. She texts her friend Lola from the I.T department and easily ropes her into her lie about going for drinks the day before. Felicity tells Lola that she was out planning a surprise and couldn't have Aaron know the truth, which Lola is all too happy to be part of. Only then does Felicity press the number four on her speed dial.

During the three rings it takes Aaron to pick up the phone, a horrible feeling of guilt takes hold of Felicity's heart. For the first time in her life, Felicity is going to actively lie to her boyfriend. She should be happy she could hold it off for an entire year, but the truth is the thought depresses her.

Aaron is adorable on the phone, completely understanding and laughing the whole situation off. The nicer Aaron is about what happened the night before, the worst Felicity feels about herself. He doesn't deserve this.

"I hope Oliver behaved," she sighs in the phone.

"Ah, you know your boss, he was his usual disapproving broody self," Aaron answers smoothly. "But he behaved, yeah. Who knows, one day we might be buddies and watch games together. Non-fictive ones like Quidditch, even. Manly man games, like hockey or football…"

Felicity highly doubts it, but she chuckles at the concept anyway. Oliver would never be caught dead watching a game with Felicity's boyfriend, much less one that he considers completely whipped.

"So, we still on for tonight?" Aaron asks uncertainly.

"Of course!" Felicity replies enthusiastically. "I owe you a night of not passing out from drunkenness, at the very least."

Aaron laughs.

"How's the arm?"

The conversation goes back to easy banter and sweet nothings. After she hangs up, Felicity decides to get ready for their anniversary and vows to make it up to him one way or another. She has a good thing going, she's completely in love with her boyfriend, and she swears to herself that she'll never lie to him ever again.

Because it's decided, she will not act recklessly anymore. She will stop volunteering for field work. She is no longer alone in this.

* * *

Their anniversary goes so well that a week later, she realizes that Aaron has come back to her place every night. He works almost as late as her because he's on a major case, so he doesn't always come home necessarily earlier than her. Felicity realizes happily that it feels good to have someone she can snuggle with after a day dealing with Oliver and fighting crime.

"Tough day?" he asks one night as he kisses the top of her head when she drops her purse, literally walks out of her shoes and throws herself against him.

She barely nods, just holds him closer. He's still wearing his suit, his tie only loosened. He's having a beer, his other hand untangling her hair, making her shiver.

"Exhausting."

"Good work though?"

"Yeah," she smiles softly.

Lance will be happy to find a bunch of bank robbers tied together to a pole in front of the Starling City bank. Oliver came back with only a few scratches but he lost his comm in the fight and she spent the better part of half an hour listening to police reports for any information, while eagerly waiting for Oliver to come back. Diggle tried to talk her down, but she couldn't deal with her fear as long as she wasn't a hundred percent sure Oliver was okay.

Something's up with him, incidentally. Since her Clock King mistake, he's more distant, and has stopped texting her as much. She figured he would be even worse of a stalker considering her recent recklessness, and she is surprised to be wrong. Odd thing is, she kind of misses him. They are both so used to stalking each other to make sure they are all alright that she feels like he is slipping through her fingers. Knowing Oliver and his wonderful communication skills, she is convinced that she can only wait him out and hope that he is ready to voice what is wrong with him. In her experience, he will either come back to his senses or take it out on Diggle and her any time now. She's already bracing herself for that fight.

And not looking forward to it.

"What about you? How's your main case going?"

"We won't have to go to court, they found a settlement," Aaron replies and kisses the top of her head again.

"Did you get what you wanted?"

"No, it's less than we requested at the beginning, but it's definitely more than we hoped for so we're still considering it a win. I made it possible."

Felicity sits back and brushes her hand through his curly hair, a proud smile illuminating her face.

"Well, congratulations M. Millers," she whispers and goes to straddle his lap.

His hands grab her waist eagerly and immediately head south to her naked thighs.

"Why thank you Miss Smoak. The data you provided definitely helped. Our investigator was amazed with what you came up with. My bosses were really impressed."

"What, Mindy and Wally want to hire me?" she jokes as she presses her mouth against his.

"_Amanda_ and _Wallace_ do not know you did that job but I'm sure they would if they did," Aaron answers, his palms rubbing her thighs slowly. "And as much as I'd love to have you at work with me every day I don't think I could handle you going out to ask questions to potential murderers or drug lords."

Felicity tenses when she hears the words and tilts her head.

"That is not misogynistic at all," she grumbles, backing away from him.

Aaron catches her arm to bring her back against his chest.

"Hey now…" he murmurs adoringly in her neck. "I'm not saying you couldn't handle it. I'm saying _I _couldn't. If anything happened to you…" he trails off. "I might not like Queen much, but I absolutely love that you are behind a desk and not dealing with criminals all day long. Let's just leave it at that."

Felicity wants to scoff but a twisted part that she has never suspected in her kind of enjoys the fact that Aaron does not even remotely suspect what is really going on. Six months ago, the thought would have made her sad, and she would have gone home wrecked with guilt. That night though, she just says facetiously:

"Good thing I'm not a cop then."

Aaron wriggles his eyebrows and pushes the skirt of her dress up around her waist as he presses more kisses under her ear, along her jaw, down her neck.

"Very good thing."

* * *

Everything begins to fall apart a little over a month after their anniversary. She's Aaron's plus one at one of his firm's parties to celebrate something important (or not). Felicity's plan was to finish up work on time, swing by the foundry real quick to run a few research programs, change even faster there and take a cab to Aaron's firm.

Obviously, nothing goes according to plan.

Oliver has been so sulky lately that she has to work even harder to make him smile and that includes a lot of kitten-filled emails and even better pep-talks that are met with a wall of gloom. She feels so at a loss with him, she is _this_ close to explode. She's tried to talk about it with Diggle repeatedly but he keeps telling her that she doesn't want to know, and if she really wants to she should take it up with His Highness.

She's angry at both members of her team when she goes to the foundry. She texts Digg about leaving work so he knows where she is but Felicity decides to say nothing to Oliver since he seems so intent on avoiding her. When she enters the foundry, Roy is training on the salmon ladder and attempts to show off which takes her mind off things a little bit and distracts her enough that she can go back to her research easily.

Two hours later, Diggle and Oliver enter the lair like they're on a mission, which is surprising since the team decided they would take the night off so Felicity could have a life. She doesn't notice right away though, because she is trying to get into a new mainframe and has to figure out the IDs and logins of a bunch of people before she can infiltrate their database.

"You're still here?" Diggle queries when he sees her still seating on her chair, staring at her screen pensively like it's going to deliver all its secrets.

"Of course I am," she replies distractedly. "Why wouldn't I be?"

She doesn't see him raise his eyebrows, but she hears the smile in his voice.

"Because you're supposed to be downtown at Finch and Associates's big shindig?"

Felicity freezes suddenly, and looks at the time then at Diggle like a deer caught in headlights.

"What? No! _No_!"

She scrambles up, barely manages to grab her duffel bag and in her hurry to get to the bathroom, violently hits her hip on the desk.

"Aoutch! Shit! Aoutch! Never mind, whatever," she gruffs at herself. "Oohh he's going to kill me."

She wanted to take a shower but screw that now. She picks her phone out of her purse and remembers that she put it on silence to screw with Oliver. Felicity realizes that she has four missed calls from her boyfriend. She's so distraught she forgets to fully shut the door and changes as fast as her hurting hip allows her to, but try as she might, she cannot reach the zipper at the back of her dress.

The fact that she's desperately attempting to call Aaron at the same time, her phone tucked between her cheek and her shoulder most certainly does not help. He answers after the first ring but her phone falls off and explodes on the floor before she can get any word out.

"DAMMIT!" she exclaims loudly.

"Is everything okay?" comes Oliver's voice through the open door.

"NO!" she shouts as she crouches on the floor to pick up the various pieces. "I need help zipping my dress up, my phone's shattered and I'm already thirty minutes late to this stupid _thing_ where I'm going to be introduced to Aaron's bosses which, to him, is sort of like meeting his parents and considering how it went the last time I met a boyfriend's family member I'm probably in for a gigantic mess. Not that it's the same, Aaron doesn't have _kids_. And Aaron's bosses are not his parents anyway. That'd be weird. Not that it's weird working for your parents, a lot of people do that. Right?"

"Right," Oliver answers in a calm voice. Is that a smile she hears? An actual smile? "Are you decent?"

"I'm sorry for that word vomit. Yes, sort of, I just need help with the zipper while I'm piecing that stupid phone back together."

Oliver walks in but she's so engrossed in trying to fix her phone that she does not notice his double take at seeing her very bare, very naked back. She's clicking the thing together and pushing the button to turn it back on when she hears him breathe behind her and feels his cold fingers tugging on the zipper, grazing her skin ever so slightly. She does not anticipate the delicious shiver that runs through her spine along with his hand and she has to gulp to keep it together as she furiously tries to blink the sensation away. Once he reaches her shoulder blades, Oliver stops and brushes her hair on the side, causing her grip on the phone to tighten so much she jumps when it eventually vibrates with Aaron's face smiling up at her.

Her lips are trembling but she picks up immediately, pushing down the awkward feeling that is spreading through her chest. She doesn't turn, and misses Oliver's very own struggle with what just happened. Had she turned, she would have noticed his dark eyes, and how his own hands are slightly shaking over her shoulders.

"Hi Aaron I'm so, so, so sorry I swear I'm on my way!"

She expects Aaron's usual easygoing attitude, a gentle "don't worry". She does not see the irritation coming.

"_Why am I not surprised? What was it this time?_"

"I…"

Felicity spins on her heel, grabs her bag and shoves her former dress in it, then throws it away. Without a sparing glace at Oliver, Felicity walks out of the bathroom, looking for an excuse.

"_Let me guess, something came up?_" Aaron mocks.

"Worse," she cringes as she reaches her computer to check her latest research. "You know how I am when I'm hacking…"

"_You _forgot_ because you were indulging in your _hobby_ instead of getting ready?" _Aaron's voice is dripping with hurt and disbelief.

"I know, I suck, I'll make it up to you. I swear."

"_If you say so… I'm downstairs, we should be fashionably late_."

The floor opens up right under Felicity's feet. She's frozen in place, her terrorized eyes meeting Digg's worried ones upon witnessing her reaction.

"What do you mean you're downstairs?" she asks, her voice hollow with dread.

"_I'm in the lobby at QC. I don't have a badge, I can't get past security but I'm waiting for you._"

Felicity sinks into her chair, her hands fully shaking now. How is she getting out of that mess? What lie can she come up with? What can she tell Aaron? She never once mentioned Verdant, Aaron has absolutely no idea that she goes to the foundry every night after work. The only times he picked her up were at QC because she had taken the night off.

"I…" she stammers, as she types heatedly on the keyboard.

Within seconds, the feeds from QC's cameras in the lobby come up on her screen. And sure enough, Aaron is all dressed up and standing close to Nelson the security guard. Her heart stops.

"_You're not on your way, are you?_" he sighs, and she sees him pinch his nose.

Felicity feels like crying but to her credit, she holds it together way better than she ever thought she would.

"I am. I'm on my way, I already left. I'm in a cab right now."

"_Oh really?_" he laughs cynically in clear disbelief. "_I guess I missed you on your way out then in the past forty-five minutes that I've been trying your cell and standing like an idiot in that stupid lobby_."

"Aaron…"

"_Whatever Felicity. Be on your way or do your own thing, I know your motto and who am I to stand in the way?_"

"That's a little over the top, don't you think?" she grits through her teeth, annoyed now.

"_Well I don't know, is it? Your life, your choice. I guess once again, I'm not your choice, why am I freaking surprised?_"

"We never had any plans for you to pick me up, Aaron."

He interrupts her with a "It's called a surprise!" but she keeps on going, louder this time.

"I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry you missed me but I left early…"

"_Oh so now you left early but you're late anyway? You don't make any sense, and you're fucking lying to me don't try to deny it! Look, I don't have time for this. Show up, don't show up, whatever. We'll talk about it later_."

He hangs up on her and she watches him stomp off and push the main doors from Queen Consolidated's lobby with so much frustration she flinches. Oliver, Roy and Diggle are standing behind her, in absolute and dreadful silence. She wants to yell a string of expletives but she chooses to breathe in through her nose and count down slowly to calm herself down.

"So… that went well," she eventually voices.

"Felicity…" Oliver begins.

"No," she barks and spins to face him, her eyes bright with fury. "You've been acting like a freaking dick for the past six weeks, and I am through with that. You don't want to talk? Well, neither do I. Now excuse me, I have to go see if I can salvage my relationship and don't think that I didn't notice that you guys were planning on going out to do whatever tonight when you know I won't be there to cover you. Just FYI, I am not picking the phone up, I don't care if you're bleeding out in the gutter or if the police catches you because not only do I not approve of you going out without me to watch your backs, I approve even less of the lying and hiding things to each other. I have enough of that already with my actual boyfriend."

She snatches her purse and her coat, then walks out of the foundry with the righteousness of anyone deeply angry at themselves. Nobody comes after her, which feels even better. She has no idea how she's going to get a cab at this time of the night, but she eventually finds one, and offers the driver a hundred dollars to get her downtown as fast as possible. She fully intends to bill it to Oliver as a travel expense because he fucking owes her.

Once she's sitting in the cab though, she has no way to hold onto her anger. There's weirdly no traffic, nobody to fight with, no one to take her wrath out on. There's nothing to distract her from her fears, and suddenly she feels like crying because she realizes that she's about to lose everything. Oliver's never been so distant, Diggle is no help, Roy is clueless, Aaron is seeing through her lies and calling her out on them, and her team is slipping through her fingers by going through with a mission without her for the first time in over a year.

She can't do it. She knows she can't control Oliver — nobody freaking can, not even him sometimes — Diggle and Roy can't do anything to help her, and if she's losing her team then there's only one person to hold onto, isn't there?

The cab pulls up in front of Aaron's firm sooner than she expects. She slips him the bill, and gets out immediately, but once the taxi drives away, she finds herself standing before the tall building, incapable of foreseeing what is going to happen. What if she goes in and he wants to break up? What if he's cold? What if he acts happy but it's all just that: an act?

But she knows she has to make this right. She's an adult, he's an adult, they can deal with a fight. They have basically moved in together, he wouldn't give up on her so easily, would he? So he's upset, but he'll get over it, won't he? He has every right to be, but he needs her and so far since they got back together he has never failed her once. She owes him at least this.

So Felicity takes a calming breath and enters the building, finding the party very easily. She spots Aaron effortlessly; he's speaking to a very attractive lady while drinking a glass of champagne. Felicity doesn't move for a few seconds, waiting for him to notice her and she is not disappointed when he does. He stares at her heatedly, forgetting about his company, then motions for her to come closer.

"I'd like to introduce you to someone," she reads on his lips.

She walks through the crowded place slowly, finding herself smiling happily, reassured.

"Felicity, this is Riley, my co council on many cases. Riley, this is Felicity, my girlfriend."

Riley is tall, taller than Felicity, with long wavy red hair and shiny green eyes that go perfectly with the bright smile that she offers with her hand held out. Felicity gulps as she shakes it.

"Nice to finally meet you, Felicity! We all thought you weren't real, but I'm glad to see you are," Riley says with a thick southern accent.

"Nice to meet you too," Felicity lies, because she might have known that Riley was a girl and a coworker, but she had pictured a much older looking woman. Not in a cougar way or anything, but more mature, more like a mom. And by mom, she does not mean Mother People Would Like to Fuck (MPWLF? How does one pronounce that? Forget it, it's not a word), but more something like a soccer mom who looks mean at work and juggles between being a wife and a fulfilled career-pursuing woman. Felicity is shocked to notice that Riley looks not a day over fabulous (probably 30 though).

Felicity has had everything wrong and considering their latest conversation, she can't really blame Aaron for not going into a fully detailed description of his coworker.

"Ha don't worry about broody face over here," Riley goes on, "he's had a bad day apparently. I have to go mingle, but I sure hope to talk to you, Millers keeps mentioning your IQ and genius skills with a computer. Mine keeps doing this terrible rocket-launching sound that really gets on my nerves, I would love it if you could give me your input."

"Change the fan inside?" Felicity offers with a tight smile.

Ridley bursts into a genuine and throaty laugh.

"Well that sure changes from trying to turn it on and off again. Anyways, I'll talk to y'all later!"

After that, she sways away from them, all curves and sexy moves, and stops to talk to three very rich-looking, attractive men that Felicity might have seen once or twice at an event Oliver forced her to attend as an E.A in the beginning. As soon as Ridley is out of earshot, Felicity turns to face Aaron wearily. His face is hard, which lets her know that even if he's satisfied with her showing up, he's still mad for being lied to and for basically being stood up for an hour.

Fine. She can work with that.

"I really am sorry," she says.

"I know. It's neither the time nor the place for that though, so how about we just enjoy tonight?"

"So we're not breaking up?" she can't help but ask, her voice breathy.

She has not intended to ask this. This is the very last question she wants to ask because it makes her sound needy and like a teenage girl and Felicity is neither. She is a grown, independent woman who does not need a man to feel fulfilled and happy.

But Aaron stiffens and shoves his hands in his pockets. She recognizes it as a sign of vulnerability.

"Do you want to break up?" he replies.

"No!" she answers right away, because apparently she's a high school girl.

"Then we're not breaking up," Aaron says decidedly, then adds more softly. "But we have to talk. Later, at home. Okay?"

Felicity offers a small smile. He holds out his hand for her to take, which she does eagerly and he kisses her on the cheek fondly. It feels like her heart has started beating again, like it's easier to breathe suddenly and she manages to spend a good enough evening and enjoy the party without making too much of a fool of herself.

They go back home in complete silence and that's when the dread seeps back into Felicity's bones. She hopes there isn't any fight, just explanations, just them talking things out.

She walks in the apartment, turns the lights on, takes off her coat and braces herself for what is to come. She's suddenly very tired, feeling incapable of facing deceit. Aaron must grasp the situation because he doesn't seem as angry as he used to earlier on.

"So? Shall we talk?" Felicity asks bluntly.

Aaron arches an eyebrow, surprised, and follows her.

"I don't know. Are you going to lie to me?"

Felicity shakes her head, but it's not a 'no', more of dreadful move.

"I wasn't lying to you. I really got caught up in my hacking activities, and I really was on my way. I left work early and went some place really quiet that I like to go to sometimes and I hack."

She can do this. None of this is a total lie. The foundry is usually quiet — she can no longer hear the guys working out either by themselves or together; the clanging noise of the salmon ladder even has a calming effect on her now and yes she knows how creepy that sounds like — and she really likes going there to hack. The equipment there is so awesome, it's basically a porn-scenery for nerds and she feels like she deserves the best considering the amount of work she deals with.

Now she just hopes that the answer is enough for Aaron.

"Why haven't you ever told me this?"

"I didn't think it was relevant! I don't tell you when I go hack, I do it on my own time… And I really was leaving that place when we were on the phone."

Aaron nods sharply, and says nothing more. Felicity breathes a sigh of relief, incredulous. Is that it? All he has to say? Oh thank god! But then her phone vibrates and the irritation is back on Aaron's face. His smirk is ironic and hurt, and he can't help rolling his eyes.

"_Of course_. Let's not forget your _other_ boyfriend."

"Aaron, come on…" Felicity frowns as she pulls her cell from her purse.

God it better not be Oliver or Diggle, because she'll tear them a new one. She told them not to go out without her!

"What is wrong with Queen now?" Aaron jeers, tugging at his tie to loosen it up while taking off his shoes.

"It's not him," Felicity replies distractedly as she sees the caller ID.

Lance. At this time of the night? Oh this cannot be good. She picks up without thinking.

"What is it?"

Aaron stills when he sees her face covered in worry.

"_Hey Smoak, I know it's late but I need our friend to meet with me. You with him?"_

"No," she breathes out in relief. "Not right now. I have a life you know."

Oh thank Google, nothing's wrong with her Team. That was scary.

"_Yes, I know, I'm really sorry. I didn't wake you up did I?"_

"No, detective, don't worry, I wasn't sleeping."

"_Can you arrange that though? Usual place, ASAP?"_

"I take it it's serious? What is it about?"

"_I can't tell over the phone. But it has to be tonight, yeah."_

"Okay, fine I'll take care of it."

Lance thanks her and disconnects the phone.

"What is it?" Aaron wonders out loud, as Felicity texts Oliver.

'_Lance called. Wants to meet your alter ego ASAP at the usual spot. Won't tell me why over the phone, but it's serious. Let me know if I'm needed. Hope you're not too broken from your patrol. Or maybe I do.'_

"Felicity! What is it? Is everything okay? Why is the police calling your cell at midnight on a Friday?"

Felicity blinks, and deletes the text as soon as she sees that Oliver has received it. What can she say? How is she supposed to answer that? A deposed detective is trying to reach the Arrow because he desperately needs help and she's the only way he knows how?

"I can't tell you," she whispers, her eyes falling on the ground.

"You can't tell me?" he echoes, dumbfounded.

She shakes her head no, incapable of talking because what is she going to say to that? Aaron snickers and mirrors her movement in righteous anger.

"You are aware that I am a _lawyer_, right? I am perfectly capable of understanding a situation that involves the police and to help you out!"

"I know. But you're not my lawyer, I don't need one I swear, and whatever that conversation was, I can't talk about it."

Aaron looks bewildered, lost in disbelief. Felicity won't budge, but she feels like everything is falling apart around her.

"Please understand."

She gulps. Then she feels her eyes prick, and tears are pooling there despite her best efforts to keep it together.

"_Please_," she repeats, her voice breaking.

Aaron runs his hands in his hair, and gulps audibly too.

"The data you collected for the Brook case, that wasn't the first time you were digging things up for someone, was it?" he declares, his voice trembling.

Felicity closes her eyes, then shakes her head no. Oh god, he's piecing everything together.

"The detective was calling for your help, wasn't he?"

Felicity nods, and meets his eyes. Aaron rubs his hands across his face tiredly, then sinks into the armchair that faces the couch. He seems devastated, but truth be told she doesn't feel like she looks any better.

"How often?" but it's more of a statement than an actual question. "How often does he call you for help?"

"Not that often, I swear. I just provide data that Lance can use as a hunch, none of them are admissible in court really, it just… steers him in the right direction."

She deliberately omits to mention the fact that she might have volunteered as bait for a serial killer or that she works more for Green Arrow than for Lance. As a whole, it's the truth. Just as long as you don't scrape the surface.

Aaron clenches his jaw then scrubs a hand on his face, looking completely lost.

"Say something," she pleads.

"What do you want me to say, Felicity? You do your thing, and damn with the consequences! You're not alone anymore, don't you get it? A year, Felicity! We've been dating a year, we live together, and it takes you that long to admit that you have extracurricular activities that are not only illegal but also potentially dangerous?!"

"You knew I hacked," she counters, weakly.

"Yeah, for fun! Not that you were basically acting as a police sidekick!"

"It's not like that!"

Not in the way he thinks, anyway. She's not really helping the police. She's helping Green Arrow. For now, anyways. And yes, she knows that Aaron wouldn't see it as a silverlining.

"But what about us, Felicity?" Aaron exclaims, standing up suddenly. "You work a ton for Queen, you're basically never on time for anything and have to interrupt half of our dates, you get phone calls late in the night to apparently help out on police cases; when does that stop?"

"What do you mean?" she asks, confused, as she gets up too.

"Where do I fit in your tight and confusing schedule? I mean, I don't want you to stop working but there is a fine line between enjoying your job and basically using me as a cool roommate you fuck with!"

"What?! I don't see you as a roommate!" she yells, hurt that he can even think that. But when he scoffs in incredulity, she repeats more softly. "You're _not_ my roommate, Aaron! I love you! I make time for you!"

"Do you?"

His voice wavers, and she notices the way his hands are shaking. He's losing it too, she realizes. He feels like he's losing her too. How is that even possible?

"Love you? Make time? Yes to both! God, yes I do! I come home way earlier than I used to, I'm there every Thursday early to spend time with you…"

"Oh so I get one freaking night a week and I should be happy? I'm your boyfriend, Felicity! I want to be more, even, but…"

"What do you mean, more?" she cuts him off, shocked. "We live together, what more can you want?"

Aaron stills, his eyes piercing hers heatedly. Her heart literally stops.

"Felicity. I want _you_. You more than one night a week, you as often as possible…"

"Okay! Okay, I can do that. I can be home earlier more often than just on Thursday nights. How's that?"

"That's good," he eventually smiles, looking more at peace. "But… look, Felicity, I told you over a year ago: I made a mistake in high school letting you go. I'm not about to do this again."

She's really confused now.

"What are you talking about?" she blurts out.

"I'm going to want more than just living with you…" he hints, like she's supposed to see where he's going with this.

"More?"

She has to be dense, because she does not understand. What more? What more is there?

Aaron swallows audibly, and curses before walking in the bedroom, leaving Felicity to stand like an idiot in the living room. It takes a moment before her feet react without her knowledge and follow him.

He's rummaging through a suitcase in the closet. She feels numb. He's leaving.

He's leaving.

_He's leaving_. Her mind can't process what is going on.

But then he takes something out of the suitcase, something small that fits entirely in his hand, and he looks at Felicity with anxiety and pride and _love_, and Felicity is rooted in her spot, incapable of processing any of what is happening.

"Just FYI," Aaron chuckles nervously, "this was absolutely not how I wanted that to happen. But what the hell…"

Even when he kneels in front of her, on the wooden floor of her bedroom, a foot from her untidy bed and a messed up suitcase, nothing clicks in Felicity's head. Then she spots the small box in Aaron's hands, a box that he opens and that reveals the cutest diamond-mounted ring she has ever seen.

Her mind goes blank. She barely hears Aaron clearing his throat.

"Felicity Smoak, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

* * *

Felicity stares at the ring incredulously for a good ten seconds, her mouth agape, her eyelids incapable of blinking, her mouth completely dry.

Holy shit.

How hasn't she seen that coming?

"Felicity?" Aarons asks uncertainly, struggling to stay on his knee.

"But… but we just fought…" is all she can say, her voice a weak pathetic thing.

"I know," Aaron replies with a shy grin. "I know. Trust me, I had other plans for that, but when in Rome, you know…"

He scrambles up, rubs his knee with a grimace and sits on the bed, still looking at Felicity expectantly.

"So?" he presses timidly, "What do you say?"

"I… I am…"

"It doesn't have to be right now. I can totally give you time… No pressure…"

Felicity opens her mouth. It's exactly everything she hoped for when she was seventeen. After he dumped her to go back to Madison, she was so angry, so hurt but she was also desperately wishing for a do over. Any kind.

She cannot believe this is it. That her eight-year-old dream has come true, that her boyfriend is down on one knee (or at least was until a minute ago when she blanked out), asking her to get married. Asking her to begin their own family.

Why the hell is she hesitating?

"Yes," she whispers, and these are definitely tears in her eyes.

The look of absolute bliss that Aaron drapes her with once he hears her answer makes her heart stutter and the voice in her head shut the hell down. He stands up, brushes down her arm to gently grab her left hand and shakily put the ring on her finger. It's heavier than she expects, and she can't quite believe what is happening until Aaron kisses her so passionately it wipes out any thought going through her mind.

"I love you too," he says eventually, breathlessly.

* * *

She can't believe she's getting married. She just cannot believe it.

She doesn't know why. She can't explain it, she really can't. But she doesn't tell anyone that she's getting married. Aaron confirms the next morning that he's in no rush, they can take their time and set a date for next year easily or even the year after. She hears him call his mother the next morning, and that makes the cloud of numbness she feels around her burst into pieces.

She knows she's never going to tell her mother, but when she parks in her spot at Queen Consolidated, she finds herself staring at the ring that feels gigantic on her finger and she can't gulp properly.

She can't tell Oliver and Diggle. It's too soon. She wants to keep it to herself. Her friend Lola did that when she got pregnant two years ago, she kept the news to herself for the longest time because she said she wanted 'to cherish this moment'.

Felicity tells herself it's completely normal to not want to scream it at the top of her lungs for anyone to hear. Moreover, Oliver and Diggle are _guys_. They won't understand. They'll understand even less how she went from pissed off and scared to be dumped by her boyfriend to being engaged to him.

No. She has to give it some time, ease _them_ into it, prepare the field. And find answers to the numerous questions that they'll have and that she is absolutely not ready for (she knows what they will be, and she can't even voice them in her head, so really, they all need time to figure this one out).

So she slides the ring off her finger, slips it in her purse and rides the elevator to the executive floor with a thumping heart. She's really glad she's first because it gives her time to recompose herself fully.

When Oliver arrives an hour later, she can't help but look for bruises and scrapes but she finds out her anger at him is back, and she plans on holding onto it for as long as she can. After thirty minutes of sulking in his office, a reaction Felicity blatantly ignores, Oliver walks into hers and lays a mug of hot coffee on her desk. When that does not elicit anything from his assistant, Oliver sighs and adds a box of chocolates on the side.

Now that gets Felicity's attention.

She arches an eyebrow.

"It's called a peace offering," he says quietly.

"Really? I thought it was called chocolate," she quips but slides the box closer to her.

Oliver grins at her, looking suddenly more relaxed.

"So what are you apologizing for exactly?" she presses, knowing full well why. She opens the box, and eats a chocolate before taking a sip of coffee.

Oliver runs his hand through his hair, and grimaces.

"Well, for 'acting like a freaking dick' — I believe those were your exact words — for starters," he smiles.

Felicity barely blushes.

"Well. Does that apology come with an explanation?"

"No," Oliver waves off. "But none of it was your fault and I shouldn't have reacted that way."

"Is that why you went out without me last night?"

He presses his lips together, and Felicity knows that somehow it's linked. But she has no idea why. What was so wrong with him? What did she do wrong that led him to go without her?

"I told you, you didn't do anything wrong, Felicity," Oliver sighs.

Felicity looks up, realizing that she voiced her fears out loud, and Oliver not only seems uncomfortable, he also looks so vulnerable she cannot remember the last time she saw him that way.

Actually, she can.

It was after Sara's death. They were back at the foundry, for one of their first missions and Felicity had offered to go out on the field. Oliver had told her how he couldn't deal with her being in danger and that he _needed_ her to be safe at the lair. And then she understands.

"Is it because I went after the Clock King? It was almost two months ago Oliver, and I swear I've learnt my lesson. I promise I won't go out on the field ever again. Unless we really have to and there's like, absolutely no choice, and it's because we have to infiltrate a dumb blond club and I go in there in a giant hamster ball, even if it's weird…"

"Felicity, it's not about the Clock King. It's just… Or maybe it is. It's more realizing that…" Oliver trails off.

"Realizing what?" she presses as she stands up to face him, getting closer in the process.

"It's more about me than anything, really. And how much I depend on you."

Felicity's heart stops.

"You don't depend on me that much," she says, but she knows it's not true and if she understands Oliver's look correctly, he's fully aware too.

"Come on, Felicity. We both know I would be lost without you, and… I guess I realized that it's not fair. It's not fair to you or to Aaron."

"Since when do you care about Aaron?" Felicity scoffs, but it's more of a strangled gulp.

She thinks about the ring in her purse and how glad she is that she kept it away from him.

"Okay, fine," he smiles. "I don't give a rat's ass about Aaron. But it's not fair to you. You deserve to not feel guilty because you actually have a life and someone to go home to."

Felicity opens her mouth, but Oliver raises his hand to interrupt her.

"I know what you're going to say, 'my life, my choice', but the truth is… I don't want you to wake up one day thinking you made the wrong one."

She cannot visualize a day where she could think she made the wrong choice working with her team.

"Are you breaking up with me?" she tries to joke, but her voice breaks.

Oliver's smile is so sad she has no idea how she manages not to cry. Once again her thoughts go to the diamond ring in her purse, to Aaron proposing and Oliver basically setting her free and how weird it is that both things happen at the same time and how relieved she should be feeling because everything works out.

"You know I'm not." Oliver says, his hand coming to grip one of her crossed arms on her chest. "You don't break up with a partner. But I'll try not to rely on you as heavily as I used to. You deserve better."

She really doesn't.

"You will always be part of the Team. I'm not looking for a replacement or anything and if yesterday's any indication, your shoes are too huge for anyone to fill. We definitely all need you. But we also need to find a way to not be completely helpless every time you go live your very well deserved happy life…"

She can't help but think that she doesn't feel happy right now. Her hand sneaks out from under her arm to grab his, and they stand like this, staring in each other's eyes for the longest time.

But then Oliver's hold loosens, and her hand is as cold as her heart feels. She has to swallow her tears down and look away for a second before she manages to walk back around her desk and sit on her chair.

"Anyway, how did it go last night?" Oliver queries evenly.

It brings an amused smile to Felicity's face. He's really trying, isn't he? But then she realizes that it's the perfect opportunity to mention that she just got proposed to, and that she said yes, and that she's basically engaged.

She meets Oliver's eyes, and what she sees in it makes her push everything down. She should tell him. It's the right time, he just told her he's letting her go, giving her the opportunity to start a new life with or without Green Arrow. He just vowed to work around her schedule.

But for the first time in over a month, they're in a great place together, and she cannot bring herself to destroy this when she literally just got it back.

So she presses her lips together, and smiles awkwardly as she stuffs another chocolate in her mouth.

"Well enough. He was rightfully mad, but we talked it out and now we're good. Thanks for asking."

"You're welcome," Oliver replies, stealing a sweet from her box.

She tries half-heartedly to slap his hand away but misses on purpose. And after another long look, and a tight half-grin, Oliver walks back into his office for the day. That evening, she goes to the foundry feeling lighter than she has in a while and basks in the much cooler atmosphere that surrounds her team. She banters with Digg, messes with Oliver and jests with Roy and for the first time since her mistake with the Clock King, she feels like she's right back where she belongs.

* * *

Felicity feels like an addict. She knows she told Aaron she'd be home earlier, and she manages for three whole perfect weeks. Felicity is really proud of herself because it's actually easy. She still hasn't found the right time to bring up her engagement and her wedding plans to Diggle and Oliver, but neither Aaron nor her are in a hurry anyway, right? So she's just taking her time, and living with her boyfriend, and everything is going hunky dory.

One night, Lance calls and she picks up after the first ring. She texts Oliver about the meeting, and it turns out to be something more urgent than they thought, a little girl being kidnapped and asking for a huge ransom. Aaron offers to drop her at the station and that is the first time Felicity comprehends how much her lies by omission are getting closer to becoming actual lies. Aaron looks very worried when she says she can go there by herself and that he won't be of any help, but she goes to the foundry to meet with Oliver, Roy and Diggle despite his anxiety so she can hack her way into Starling City's camera feeds and localize the girl.

It takes her three whole days of barely going home, falling asleep on her computer at QC and having Oliver and Roy's backs in the seedy streets of the Glades but they eventually find her safe and almost unhurt and that fills Felicity with such complete happiness and relief that her head is literally spinning.

Aaron is really interested in the details of the affair after that, and he's surprised when she dodges his curious questions. Lance has found a way to keep the name of Green Arrow out of the media circus, so she has to actively lie and replace Oliver's name with made-up officers but it's difficult because it turns out that Aaron spends a lot of time at the police station and is astonished when a lot of those names don't ring any bells at all.

Then bad luck happens too. Diggle gets hurt in the field, Roy messes up with one of her computers and Oliver has to phone her late because they really, really need her to clean up after him. That week, Oliver calls her four times and like she did with Lance, Felicity picks up right away. She could describe what he needs over the phone, even explain how to solve everything in a text sometimes, or work from her tablet at home but she's the one who volunteers eagerly to join them.

She doesn't see Aaron's face falling every time he hears her ringtone. She doesn't listen to his desperate sighs at each "I'll be right there" to Oliver that comes out of her mouth. She fails to remark that he stops answering back when she throws an "I won't be long" before swinging out the door.

Felicity will never remember how long exactly this goes on, but probably for longer than she realizes.

On the night everything falls apart, Aaron is making dinner. He even got candles out on the table, which is always a nice gesture from a guy. It's basically a romantic night he has planned as a surprise and Felicity's heart melts instantly. She is getting used to the weight on her ring finger (that she still slips off when she's with her teammates), and she's happy to spend time calmly at home this once.

She helps him out in the kitchen, notices the fancy bottle of wine he's letting breathe on the side, and they begin to talk about their day. He mentions a very tricky case that requires a lot of boring reading, while she nods and sympathizes with him.

They're in the middle of cutting carrots when her phone rings. Felicity notices that Aaron stills suddenly and closes his eyes as she enthusiastically wipes her hands on his apron.

"Please don't pick up."

It's the way he says it. He doesn't yell. He doesn't even speak really. He whispers.

He's begging.

Felicity freezes instantly, her mouth opened to say something, but nothing comes out. Aaron's eyes fly up to meet hers, and the raw despair they can't hide hits her like a concrete wall. She's stuck between the kitchen counter and the living room, her purse at arm's length, her phone visible in the open gap.

_Oliver_.

Felicity swallows.

"I have to," she murmurs. "It's important."

Aaron chuckles, but it's more of a cackle really, something physically painful to both Felicity and him.

"Everything's important with you," he goes on, his voice still eerily soft and calm, resigned almost. "Except me, apparently."

"Please don't say that," it's her turn to beg. "You're so important to me."

Her phone stops ringing, but the sudden quietness that settles in the atmosphere quickly suffocates her. She can't help glancing anxiously at the now silent device. Maybe he won't call back.

"I'll never be as important as _them_, will I? As _him_?"

"What?" she asks distractedly, because her phone pings, letting her know that Oliver has left a voicemail.

"Queen. I'll never be as important as Queen. Or the police, or whatever quest you're so impatient to join rather than spend time with me."

"It's not a competition, Aaron," she grits, frustrated.

Her phone rings again, and Felicity reads Diggle's name now. She's starting to worry.

"Isn't it? Because it sure feels like one," Aaron says, his voice shaking with emotion. He drops the knife and turns to face her. She's not prepared for what she sees in his eyes. Hurt. Pain. Sadness. Love. "And so far it's not a victory for me."

"Aaron…"

"You never talk about the wedding."

"We're in no hurry…" she argues lamely.

"Oh I know we aren't, believe me. You made that really clear, and maybe it's my fault for proposing so soon, but maybe it's also your fault for saying yes when you meant not right now."

Felicity flinches, and tries to blink the burning feeling away. It's like Aaron has punched her in the stomach.

"Believe it or not, I could have accepted a 'not right now', I could have been okay with… I just…" He runs his hands through his hair in complete despair, while Felicity forgets how to breathe. "I love you. I'm all in, and I can't help but think… I know you're… I know you love me, Felicity, I don't doubt it, but I don't think you're as in love with me as you wish you were."

The shrilling sound of her cell resonates for the third time but Felicity's ears don't pick up on it because there's a buzzing noise filling her head and a nauseating feeling that has settled deep in her stomach.

"Aaron…" she whimpers, but she doesn't know what comes after.

"I can wait for you," he cuts. "I can take the proposal back, and give you time, I'm willing to move out and give you space too because I love you that much."

Her head is spinning. Felicity doesn't know if it's from the conversation, the truths that she discovers or the fact that she hasn't taken a breath in a good minute now.

"But is there ever going to be a time when you don't want to pick up that phone?"

Felicity blinks. She's surprised when she feels something cold and wet drip along her cheeks. Aaron pushes himself off the counter, and walks towards her, his own eyes misty as he reaches for her hand.

If possible, his voice drops even lower. Felicity doesn't know how she hears him over the white noise that rings in her ears.

"Is there ever going to be a moment when you will be able to start a family with me that does not revolve around Oliver Queen or the police?"

His hand is shaking and cold, as he brushes her engagement ring. The weight of it suddenly feels like an anvil she can't deal with. Felicity's lips are trembling now. She doesn't realize that the rest of her body has begun to take their cue.

"Does it have to be all or nothing?" she pleads, something stuck in her throat.

This can't be it. She can't lose him when she just got her Team back.

"No," Aaron answers thickly, his voice waivering. "I can deal with sharing you with Queen and Lance. But I can't come sloppy seconds _every time_. Not even on my birthday."

Time literally stops. Felicity feels like she's going to faint. _It's his birthday_. It's his freaking birthday, her fiancé's date of birth and she not only forgot about it entirely, she was also totally willing to blow it off without a sparing thought to deal with… with what?

"Oh my god."

It takes her a second to understand that she's the one who just said it. Aaron's face crumbles completely as he realizes that his worst fear has happened. And her heart falls apart because he's not even angry.

"Oh my god," she repeats.

Her hand flies to her mouth, as she gasps for air. Aaron's own hands fall on his sides, defeated.

"I'm never going to be enough, am I?" he asks, utterly beaten.

His eyes may be brimming with unshed tears, but he resolutely refuses to look away from her. Like he's memorizing this moment, filing it somewhere in his mind, etching it in his masochistic memory.

Oddly, Felicity can relate.

As if on cue, her cell rings for the fourth time. Aaron closes his eyes and shakes his head dejectedly, before grabbing it and holding it out for Felicity to take.

"Your life awaits," he articulates throatily.

Felicity wipes the tears that are now flowing freely; tries to calm herself down. And fails.

"Hello?" she answers, her voice quivering, her eyes decisively fixated on Aaron's.

"Felicity? Is everything alright?" asks Diggle's concerned voice.

"Yeah," she lies miserably, "yeah I'm fine, what's up?"

"Did you get Oliver's voicemail? China White has escaped from Iron Heights and she is trying to reach out to her former Triad associates. We might not have a lot of time before she flies the country…"

Felicity closes her eyes briefly then nods distractedly. She sees Aaron mouth at the same time as her the answer that she immediately gives.

"I'm on my way."

And that small action, worse than the conversation she has been having for the past ten minutes, literally breaks her down. She hangs up before Diggle can say anything else and shoves her cell in her pocket, gulping the sobs that threaten to shake her down.

She doesn't react immediately. Felicity is rooted to the floor. Because she is fully aware that the moment she moves, the instant she is out of that door, Aaron and her are irremediably over.

She closes her eyes, fighting the need to throw up that tenaciously wrecks her stomach.

"Go," Aaron whispers.

"I…" Felicity tries.

She closes her mouth. What can she say, really?

There are no words to say how sorry, how crushed she feels. How devastated she is that she not only cannot promise to ever be able to give him what he needs, but that she knows deep down she will never _want_ to.

She knows what she wants. She wants things to stay the way they are. She wants her fiancé to wait for her at home without asking questions, she wants to snuggle with him after a hard day and listen to his cases, she wants to be able to go to the foundry whenever she feels like and not have to lie because everything's fine.

Aaron can't provide that. She can't blame him because he wants to be part of every aspect of her life and she keeps him at arm's lengths.

She loves him. God.

She loves him, she's in love with him but she… she wants more. She wants what he can't give her and it's not fair.

Aaron might look like he's letting her go, but Felicity realizes as she stays frozen in her spot that it is up to her to let _him_ go. Let the _idea_ of him, of them, go.

Aaron steps forward, his hands coming to circle her neck tenderly, and kisses her on the forehead. Strangely, cruelly even, this is what gives her the strength to take action. She moves her head up, and kisses him fully on the mouth, expressing in the only way she knows how sorry she is, how much she loves him, how much regret she's going to keep with her. Aaron meets her kiss for kiss, desperately clutching at the last remnants of their love story.

It shouldn't feel so liberating.

But soon enough it's over. Aaron steps away, and Felicity grabs her purse in one hand, her coat in the other as her eyes catch the physical symbol of their failure.

Shakily, Felicity's fingers seize the beautiful ring and slide it off of her for the last time. It feels so heavy, and so light at the same time when she drops it slowly on the pedestal table by the entrance, it's eerie.

She knows that when she comes back home later this evening, any trace of Aaron and their life together will have vanished from her apartment. She keeps it together as she shuts the door, rides the elevator down, and sits in her car.

Then she turns the engine on. And the small action of flicking the key in the ignition is like a dam breaking. It opens up a floodgate of heart-wrenching tears that overtakes her immediately. She doesn't try to keep it at bay. She couldn't even if she wanted to.

[**NEXT:** Part Four A - Oliver's POV]

* * *

**Author's Note:** So... this is the end of Felicity and Aaron. Next chapter will pick up right after this, as Oliver comes back from his fight against China White (who was originally supposed to be Helena but... Damn episode 217). You'll have the last part of Felicity's backstory from my point of view in that part.

I hope you liked it. Let me know what you thought! Thank you so much for reading!


	4. Part Four (a)

This is crazy. I can't believe the response to this story: once again THANK YOU. From the bottom of my heart. Here you have the first part of a really long Part Four. Part B will be posted really soon. I have to take a plane for a long trip so as soon as I'm settled in my hotel and connected to wi-fi, I'll post Part Four B that I'll be editing in the plane (it means that there will be a delay in the response to the reviews, I'm sorry about that). I hope this part A will deliver. **Please note that the rating as been updated to M.** There is sexual content in this chapter.

**Of Need and Abandonment Issues**

**IV a.**

When he walks back from his fight against China White into the lair, Oliver is worn out and too deep into his thoughts to notice that he interrupts an emotional conversation between Diggle and Felicity. He goes to the med bed and begins to take his top off as his friends observe his tired face and slow movements. Felicity is the first one to react, fussing like she usually does once she notices the gashes in his abdomen and his grimace as the fabric of his shirt rubs on his skin.

The Triad member did not hold back, and she was really looking forward to getting her revenge. Apparently, she had time to train in prison because she was as fierce, strong and deadly as ever.

"Oliver…" Felicity sighs, sounding as exhausted as he feels.

He hears her getting the first aid kit behind him.

"It's nothing, don't worry," he tries to reassure as he sits.

He can't voice how glad he is that things are back to normal. He will never say it out loud, but he much prefers when Felicity is the one that fixes him up than when it's Diggle — or that one horrible time, Roy. Felicity is a girl, she tries to be delicate when she presses gauze in his bleeding wounds. Diggle's an army guy, he's more into efficiency than pain-management. And as much as Oliver is used to patching himself back up, Felicity is the best way to go —even Roy who doesn't really need to be cared for says so, it's not just him. Her caring attitude soothes the pain before she even has to do anything.

He must be more drained than he anticipated because it takes him time to realize that she is not sporting her usual ponytail. As a matter of fact, her hair is acting like a curtain that hides her face, and Oliver has never really thought much of how important it is for him to see her eyes. He brushes her hair up without realizing it, and takes in the redness and puffiness that she tries to hide right away.

He does not expect her to step back immediately, like he burnt her.

"What's wrong?" he asks and stands up.

"Nothing," she lies weakly, "sit down I'm not done."

He doesn't listen, his eyes flying to meet Diggle's. His friend's face betrays nothing, which only scares Oliver more.

"What's wrong Felicity?" he repeats without moving an inch.

"I'm going to train," is all Diggle says before grabbing the batons and heading towards the dummy.

Felicity shoots him her best death glare, but Diggle royally ignores it — huh, so it doesn't do that only to him, then.

"Traitor," she grits between her teeth, and pushes on Oliver's chest to make him sit.

He obeys, but his hand goes to turn her chin so they end up eye to eye. Again, she shakes her head away from his grasp. He tries not to show how much her reaction hurts — it's obviously not about him. But it's hard.

"Please, talk to me," he whispers.

He hears her gulp but she says nothing, focuses instead on his scratches.

"Aaron and I broke up," she eventually answers.

Oliver doesn't know if he's more shocked by the emptiness of her tone or the news itself. He definitely expects the wave of absolute relief that washes over him though (and the guilt that follows right after).

What is he supposed to say?

"Oh."

In the background, he can hear Diggle train on the dummy, the muffled sounds of every hit and his grunts as he works out. Meanwhile, Felicity sniffs, and Oliver is man enough to admit that it freaks him out a little. He has seen Felicity cry twice. Once when she was abducted by the Count; and a second time when Sara died in front of her.

"Do I need to go beat him up?" he offers awkwardly.

He's totally serious though. If the asshole broke her heart like last time, he doesn't care if Felicity puts him on the no-fly list or Interpol's most-wanted data base, he will go beat the crap out of that douche.

Felicity chuckles despite herself, which makes Oliver feel a little better.

"No, please no. It's my fault."

"I'm sure it isn't," Oliver counters, his hand traveling up her arm to cup her cheek and wipe with his thumb a tear that strayed there.

Again, she shakes her head away from his touch, looking terribly guilty, and walks to the tray to get band-aids. Oliver follows her every movement with his eyes, and frowns in worry.

"What happened?" he wonders out loud, his voice calm and steady.

Felicity's hands freeze over the band-aids for a split second then seize them before walking back to Oliver. She shakes her head.

"I don't want to talk about it…" she articulates painfully.

"Okay," he says. But he's burning with a curious desire to know what drove the perfect couple apart. What happened that led Felicity's Prince Charming to finally give up considering the loving speech he has delivered to Oliver not four months ago?

Oliver freezes. Did he propose and she said no?

"I never chose him," she murmurs so quietly he's not sure he heard her correctly.

She's applying the band-aid on his chest, her head down and her hair falling to hide her face so he can't say if she's crying or being matter of fact. He tilts his head, dumbfounded.

"What?"

She sniffles again, and rubs her hand against her nose quickly, but goes back to applying the plaster to fully protect his injuries in a beat. Oliver has forgotten about them altogether.

When she starts talking again, her voice is so small his heart clenches.

"I couldn't help it. Every time the phone rang, I… I can't do that to him. He deserves better."

Oliver blinks, trying to understand. But what she says doesn't make any sense.

"What do you mean?" he presses, at a loss.

"He felt like he wasn't enough for me, and I can't really blame him."

"Wasn't he?"

Felicity straightens up, and looks at his chest emptily. She shrugs, her eyes wide.

"I don't know. Yes… But not for everything I guess. I just… I can't expect him to understand what I never explained, can I? The truth is, I never really wanted to explain. And even if I could, I knew I'd lose him, he could barely stand knowing that I was helping out Lance. Can you imagine if he knew I was working along side Green Arrow? He would freak, and he would have tried to convince me that I had to stop and I wanted to have it both ways."

She takes a trembling breath while Oliver tries to wrap his mind around what she just revealed. He never would have thought that he'd ever understand what Aaron was going through — being sick with worry at the idea that she could get in danger. Oliver himself has trouble dealing with it, how can they expect Perfect Aaron to be okay with it?

"I wanted it both ways," Felicity repeats, lost in her thoughts, "The best of both worlds... I wanted him to be okay with my secret life without asking questions and keep on being your sidekick. If he couldn't be my Sara then…"

"Your _what_?" Oliver cuts, completely baffled.

Felicity blushes, and looks away as she takes another step back.

"My Sara," she reiterates.

Oliver feels like he's choking. What the fuck does Sara have to do with any of this?

"She was your soul-mate, Oliver," she deadpans, like it's completely obvious and he's being ridiculous for not understanding what she means.

He wants to say "what?!" again, but he's too dumbstruck to get any sound out of his mouth, much less articulate anything. Where the hell did she get something like this? His soul-mate? What?

_What_?

"You and her made so much sense. She knew every part of you, you guys never needed to communicate to understand each other perfectly. She knew you before the Gambit, she knew you on the island and she understood who you had become, how and why you chose to be Green Arrow — or the Arrow back then I guess," Felicity explains when she sees the disbelief on his face.

Is that really what she thinks? His eyes seek Diggle's who has stopped working out and is looking at them intently. But his face is unreadable.

"And I wanted that, I wanted someone who could fill all of it but no one can do that. No one can know your secret, and I don't want to share it, so I wanted to have it all in separate spheres but you can't do that to someone," she starts talking faster and faster, as Oliver tries to catch up with her trail of thoughts and fails. "You can't ask someone to trust you completely and lie to them constantly using the excuse of their well-being to sleep better at night. You just can't, it's not fair so… So he let me go."

She tries to take a breath, but refuses to look at Oliver. And then she falls apart.

"I am a terrible human being," her face crumbles as she starts sobbing in her hands.

Oliver reacts immediately, his arms reaching for her to bring her to his naked chest. She lets him cradle her head in his left hand, his other one snaking around her waist as she fully lets go of her emotions and shakes against him.

"No you're not," he whispers, glad that she has stopped with the Sara nonsense. "Trust me, you're anything but a terrible human being."

"I forgot his birthday," she admits, the sound muffled in his torso.

Oliver winces and sees Diggle do the same in his peripheral vision. Okay, so that wasn't so cool. He doesn't really feel bad for Aaron though. Oliver looks for something to say that is truthful and nice at the same time. Nothing comes up.

"Well… See it that way: it could be worse. I cheated on Laurel on her birthday once. So… yeah. Terrible person? I've got you beaten."

She chuckles weakly, and he feels every rumble in his own chest. Felicity sniffles and steps back out of his embrace, her face as red as her eyes.

"Thanks for trying, but that doesn't really make me feel better. If anything, I feel worse for Laurel…"

Oliver shrugs sheepishly, and clears his throat. Felicity sighs and wipes her cheeks with the back of her hand as discreetly as possible but keeps her eyes on the floor in avoidance.

The anvil on Oliver's chest comes back, filling him with anxiety and guilt.

"Felicity…" he exhales, forcing his hands to stay on the metal of the medical bed.

She shrugs only one of her shoulders and offers a weak smile that breaks his heart.

"Don't worry. I'll be fine, I'll just…" she chuckles bitterly. "Let's see the silver lining there: you guys can now call me whenever, and say how high I need to jump."

"I can't ask that from you," Oliver begins, his throat tight. At Felicity's raised eyebrows, he feels pressured to develop. "I can't ask you to put your life on hold for me."

The fire that has been missing in Felicity comes right back as her eyes fly to meet his heatedly.

"You're not asking," she deflects.

"I'm the one calling you, I'm the one forcing you to choose between your life and this quest!"

"No, you're not!" she replies louder, angrier.

Oliver notices that Diggle is slowly walking back in their direction, ready to intervene if he has to.

"God, you're so self-centered sometimes!" Felicity asserts vehemently.

"I beg you pardon?"

"You think I do all of this for _you_?"

Oliver holds out his hands in front of him in clear surrender, not expecting the emotional one-eighty that he provoked in his partner.

"I'm the one who dragged you into this…" he argues.

"Yeah, exactly and I am a big girl, Oliver! Contrary to popular belief, my life decisions do not revolve around you! Every time I pick that damn phone up I don't choose you! I choose Green Arrow, and until proven otherwise Green Arrow is not just Oliver Goddamn Queen, it's a four-people team! So yes, I never chose Aaron, but I never choose just you either."

"Don't hold back on my behalf," he grunts out, incapable of hiding how hurt he is, but Felicity is on a roll and there's apparently a lot she needs to get off her chest.

"Why can't people understand that my actions are not ruled by a single person? How can you not see that it's no longer just your crusade, but _ours_, Diggle's," she points in his general direction, "Roy's, _mine_ too?"

Oliver clenches his jaw, and bites the retorts that come to him. Of course he knows, and yes he tends to forget that just because he's their leader doesn't mean that John and Felicity would stop if he could no longer go. But the Hood, the list and the vigilante business are sort of his babies and he has trouble admitting that it matters as much to them as it matters to him.

However, Oliver realizes immediately that Felicity's angry rant is not exactly targeted at him. She's talking to herself, probably responding to Aaron's jabs and questions and finally letting go of what she couldn't tell her boyfriend. So she's taking it out on him, and Oliver finds out that he doesn't mind. He can take it.

'_I'm not afraid of losing you_,' she'd told him the night of the Clock King.

The thought brings a smile to his face. He hasn't lost her. He can't believe that Asshole Aaron let go of her when he could have had everything. When he had Felicity. Oliver can't believe that she has chosen him — or okay, _fine_, Green Arrow, their Team, whatever _he_ was still included — rather than live a perfect life with a perfect lawyer who loves every part of her.

So Oliver doesn't respond and lets her vent her frustration.

"You said you wanted me to be happy, right? Well turns out I'm happy when we save a little girl from crazy people, I'm happy when we stop the Triad from selling weapons to militias, I'm happy when we interrupt drug deals and when I can walk through the Glades at night without being raped or attacked. I might be happy with Aaron on Thursday nights, I might love having someone home when I come back but the truth is, I feel accomplished when I know that we have done a good job. I wish I was satisfied with just cuddling on a stupid couch and go back to my boring I.T job but I guess I'm an addict like my mother and I'm not going to drag Aaron down with me."

Oliver is so shocked by the mention of Felicity's mom that his brain does not register immediately how she is flying up the stairs and away from the Foundry. The moment he moves to run after her, Diggle clears his throat.

"I wouldn't," John mutters.

Oliver snaps his head in his direction. He must have leveled him with a deathly glare, because his friend slowly walks up to him, his arms crossed on his chest.

"It just happened, Oliver. Considering the exposé of her feelings that we just got, I'm pretty sure she hadn't processed anything."

Oliver shuts his mouth and leans back against the med bed, lost in his thoughts. He figures he needs to process what she just said too. Because it turns out that it was a lot to take in for him as well. Her mother's an addict? She feels like one too? She thinks that Sara and him were the perfect couple? Is that really her definition of perfect? Two broken people who love each other but are not _in_ _love with_ each other?

Sure, Sara understood him. She didn't need to ask about his nightmares because she had the same ones. She never questioned the reasoning behind his decisions because she had seen first hand what had led him to think that way. She never touched his dragon tattoo because Slade told her how and why it was there. But all the things that Felicity viewed as things that made them work, Oliver saw as things that were holding him — them both — back.

Being with Sara was easy at a time when everything was a freaking mess and nothing made sense. When people who were supposed to be dead all came back from hell to drag him back down with them. So yes, at the time, Sara was exactly what he needed. And he was what Sara needed too — the exact opposite of Nyssa. But they were far from perfect. They didn't talk. They didn't share anything but body heat, atrocious memories and comfort. In the long run, they did not make much sense at all.

They might have been together when she was murdered, but Oliver and Sara both knew that once they defeated Slade they would stop their relationship and move on. Move _forward_. Separately.

"Did you even train?" Oliver eventually asks in a sigh as he grabs his shirt.

"I wanted to but I had a feeling the last part of the conversation was about to come up. It's impressive it took such a long time, to be honest."

Oliver raises his eyebrows.

"What, you actually expected that reaction? You're kidding right?"

It's Diggle's turn to level his friend with a glare. This one is not deadly, just condescending. It's not really better.

"You have been playing that push and pull BS for over a year and it's not exhausting just for Felicity. Granted, her dating Aaron made all of this worse. Someone was bound to break. So far, it's Aaron, you won but…"

"I didn't win, it wasn't a game," Oliver cuts, offended.

"Oh, it wasn't? I wish you could see yourself right now. Smiling when she admits to needing this quest to feel alive, relieved when she falls apart in your arms… She's the one who thinks she's an addict but you're worse than her. And you are such an idiot that you're not even going to do anything about it."

"Diggle," he warns and pushes away from the table.

"No, you know what, I shut up for the better part of three years. Three years of seeing her fight herself, fight you, and fight for you. She's trying to deal with her choices, she feels like she's made her bed and is going to lie in it. But I'm going to go ahead and say it again so it fully sinks in: if you don't do anything soon, you're a complete moron, Oliver."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he insists, feeling like he's digging his grave deeper.

Damn Diggle. Damn him and his insight, and his observation skills and his knowing silence that always feels like sentences.

"You really don't, do you? Let me spell it for you. That clutching feeling in your chest, the one that is like an anvil that won't go away when she mentions his name and her love for him? It's jealousy. That incapability you have at not staring at her legs, at controlling your hands when you're close to her? It's lust. That need to text her to remind her that you're in every part of her life except the one that matters? That relief that you're experiencing now that you know that the threat has gone? All of this added together has a name, Oliver."

"I don't need to…"

"You won't admit it to yourself" John interrupts, his voice getting louder to cover Oliver's, "because you're an idiot and because you're scared. Not that she'd be in danger by dating you, but you're scared that she turns out to be your undoing."

"That's enough, Digg…" he tries to cut.

"You haven't noticed it, have you? The ring that she has tried to hide, the ring that she wasn't wearing when you could see it?"

There's a strangled noise that echoes in the room, but Oliver cannot believe it came from him. It couldn't be Diggle, could it?

"You have no idea how close you actually came to losing her, do you?"

"He proposed?" he finds himself asking in disbelief. Or better yet: she said yes? And Aaron dumped her anyways? What the hell? "She told you?!"

Why didn't she tell _him_? How could she keep that from her team?

"No, she didn't," John smirks knowingly. "She forgot to hide the ring a few weeks ago; one minute she had it, the next it was back in her purse and I knew better than to ask questions that she didn't want to answer. But what does it matter in the end, Oliver?"

Oliver opens his mouth to answer, but frowns instead. What does Diggle want to hear? What does he mean 'what does it matter'?

"What are you going to do about it? She said yes to Aaron. She might not feel ready right now but what about when another Barry comes along? What then?"

Oliver is torn between punching Diggle in the face to make him shut up and walk up the stairs to drown this conversation in rum — twenty-one-year-old-Oliver style.

"Then she marries him," he grunts impatiently. "Are you done?"

"Apparently," Diggle quips.

"Good."

"Good," Diggle echoes, and grabs his coat and Felicity's angrily before heading for the stairs she just climbed. Before pushing the door, before Oliver can take a step toward the salmon ladder to work his anger out, John bows his head and says one last sentence. "What happens when she finds her Sara and you have to witness their PDA every night?"

Oliver forgets about the wounds Felicity just patched up. He rips his shirt off his chest, grabs the bar furiously and begins to work out at such a punishing pace that he doesn't even last half an hour before he falls on the mats in physical and emotional exhaustion.

* * *

Oliver dreads going back to work the day after. Their last conversation would have made things awkward in the first place, but his altercation with Diggle only served to make things worse apparently. Oliver finds himself wishing for Felicity to have taken the day off when he steps out of the executive elevator.

But of course, his partner is sitting at her desk, looking exhausted, worn-out and as tense as he feels. He's obviously not the only one worried about last night.

"Hey," he says quietly when he reaches her desk.

She meets his eyes and smiles faintly.

"Hey…"

"I'm sorry about yesterday," they say at the same time, and chuckle in unison when they hear each other.

"No," Oliver carries on, his hands shoved deep in the pockets of his pants. "_I_'m sorry. You were upset, and I made it worse. You are right, I'm conceited and self-centered."

"Yes you are," she smiles defiantly, "but you didn't deserve all that word vomit. It's not your fault if I got dumped. I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"What are friends for?"

As the words come out of his mouth, Oliver feels like he's leaving his own body and actually hearing himself.

Friends? Is that really what they are? She's his friend, she has been his friend for over four years, supporting him, looking out for him, questioning him, listening to him and never judging him whatever happened. But is _he_ her friend? They're most definitely partners. They work together in every way, he feels like he only functions when she's there…

He thought she was jealous when she confronted him about Isobel two years ago. He realized once he started going out with Sara that she was just being a true partner, calling him out on his bullshit. Felicity never acted like a jerk when he was with her. She handled it like a _friend_.

He… well he didn't handle it at all so he can't say he did her the same courtesy. Acting like a dick, pushing her away, taking everything she did like it was personal… Letting her go like he had ownership of her… That's not really how friends act, is it?

Diggle's words suddenly swirl in his head, echoing there like a broken record.

'_That clutching feeling in your chest, the one that is like an anvil that won't go away when she mentions his name and her love for him? It's jealousy_.'

His heart clenches as Felicity smiles at him tiredly but sincerely. His mind doesn't register when she hands him out a folder.

"Thank you. Now I'm really sorry" and she looks genuine when she says it, "this is not payback in any way… but you have a meeting with Jared Alston."

She stands up to push the folder into his arm, and his eyes take it upon themselves to rake over her body, noticing her clothes. They're the same as yesterday night.

'_That incapability you have at not staring at her legs, at controlling your hands when you're close to her? It's lust._'

When his hand brushes against hers to grab the folder, he tries to anticipate the electricity that runs through him and fails. As usual.

Felicity notices his stare, and shrugs.

"I spent the night at Digg's," she explains shyly. "Slept on his couch. I couldn't…"

"I get it," he offers.

She opens her mouth, closes it, frowns a little, and then says the thing that Oliver never expected her to reveal. Felicity Smoak is full of surprises, he should be used to it by now.

"No it's… When my father left, it was… A normal day. First week of second grade. He dropped me off at school like he did every morning — I remember it was a Thursday. He drove me to the front of the entrance, grabbed my backpack, crouched to my level, kissed me on the cheek and just let me know that when I'd get home that evening, he wouldn't be there. That I shouldn't be surprised. And… That was it. The last time I saw him."

'_That need to text her to remind her that you're in every part of her life except the one that matters?'_

Oliver swallows, but says nothing. Felicity tells that story like it happened to someone else, not her. He can't help but imagine a brown-haired girl with pig-tails and big blue eyes, holding onto her backpack as she looks at the rear of a disappearing SUV. Present-day Felicity smiles sadly, and goes on.

"He forgot to warn my mom, isn't that weird? Or maybe he did and she never believed it. She's so far gone now, I guess I'll never know — not that it really matters anyway. All in all, what he told me was the truth. When I came back on foot by myself that night; he wasn't there. None of his stuff was either. It was like he never existed. And yesterday…"

"Yesterday was Thursday," Oliver whispers gently.

Felicity nods wordlessly, then sighs.

"I know that when I go back there, Aaron's stuff will be gone forever. Yesterday, I couldn't… It was too soon."

'_That relief that you're experiencing now that you know that the threat has gone?_'

"It's understandable, Felicity," Oliver says, and he sees his hand raise to fall on her shoulder and press it tenderly.

He can't help but wonder… How long has this been going on for?

"Yeah, I know. It'll get better. Anyways, Jared will be there any second, you should get ready!"

And there it is, the strength and the fierceness that leads her to fight again and again and refuse to fall apart. It's all wrapped up in a blinding smile that makes his heart stutter and stop for a few beats.

'_All of this added together has a name Oliver_.'

As he walks back to his desk and sinks into his chair, Oliver realizes how screwed he is and how much he hates John Diggle for opening a very tight lidded, key-thrown-out-the-window-and-lost-forever Pandora box.

Oliver has just figured out that he has fallen in love with Felicity.

He has no idea when or how it happened. And even less what he's going to do about it.

* * *

He can't avoid her. Considering what she's going through, and what he put her through right before the breakup, Oliver knows that he can no longer do that push and pull thing Diggle condemned him for. He wishes he could, though.

He deserves an Oscar for not reacting (that) differently. He probably also deserves an Award for Most Masochistic Moron to congratulate him on his not doing anything about his newfound discovery. Damn is it difficult to refrain from touching her shoulder, brushing her hand, skimming through her hair, cupping her cheek… As long as he didn't know about his actions, Oliver had no trouble preventing them — or so he thinks. But now that Diggle has forced him to face the truth, Oliver has the toughest time restraining himself.

His self-control can only take so much.

Digg's knowing smirks are not helping anything in the matter. It only serves to confuse Felicity further and make her frown deeply while Oliver takes a few steps back and offers a tight but reassuring smile. Avoiding John's amused looks is no easy task. Oliver is pretty sure Roy knows too but he's just sympathetic and offers distractions every time Felicity seems close to piecing everything together.

Within a few weeks, everything goes back to normal — or as close to normal as things can be when Oliver is positively lusting like an animal after his partner in crime and closest friend.

He manages to keep his fantasies under control (he's had a year of practice after all), and to be a supportive friend when Felicity needs someone to help her through a gallon of ice cream (the truth is she does not need help but wants some anyways otherwise she'll "end up like a washed up whale and not in a sexy way, even if no one's ever heard of a sexy washed up whale, and is there such a thing as a hot fish? Maybe a mermaid. Then that'd make me an obese mermaid, a whale-maid? Ew, how depressing is that…" so Oliver and Diggle both volunteer to take a bite every once and again just to make her ramble stop) or when she doesn't feel like going home and works on the computer for the better part of the night while he tries and fails to fall asleep on his cot (she never mentions Aaron but Oliver knows that she doesn't really feel at home at her place anymore).

That is the root of his problem: she's everywhere. On her computers blinking her exhaustion away when he wakes up, at QC when he eventually comes in for work, in the conference room chewing on her pen when he's supposed to listen to boring presentations, in the foundry when he works out, in his ear when he patrols, and in his head literally the rest of the day.

It is a testament to his self-control that he lasts two months before he snaps.

It's not really his fault either.

It's nighttime, and one of the lights in the ceiling of his office is blinking in failure. They are at his desk, Oliver hunched over a pile of contracts full of words blending together in nonsense while Felicity is standing close to him, her hips leaning against the side of his drawers, her neck strained up to glance at the dwindling tube irritatingly. She has called the janitor three times in the past week to no avail, and if her exasperated sighs are any indication she is beginning to lose it.

Oliver is tired, they're completely alone; she is standing so close to him he feels intoxicated by her scent, but it's not what is driving him to the edge of his willpower.

Nope.

What is making him reach his breaking point is the fact that Felicity is dressed in that electric blue dress from _that time_ and he is very painfully aware that she has not forgotten to wear any underwear. She seems perfectly unfazed by the situation — although to be honest, why shouldn't she?

She looks like she wants that work day to be over too, if her long hair cascading over her shoulder is any indication.

The moment Oliver had seen her hand reach her hair band to free her hair and let it come down, he'd bowed his head down and stared at the contracts like his life depends on it. It's been three pages of fake reading now but it takes four more annoyed sighs before he has to close his eyes.

"Drop it, Felicity," he grits between his teeth, his hands gathered in tight fists.

But he can hear her move her head to send death glares at the poor failing light bulb. In his peripheral vision he can't help but notice her long bare legs as she looks up at the ceiling.

"It would literally take that man a minute and a half to fix this. You're the CEO for God's sake!"

"Let it go!"

"How does it not bother you? Urgh, it's so annoying…"

How does it not bother him? It's really simple. Because his brain has stopped registering anything but her. That is such a sad fucking truth. Oliver hates Digg for putting him through the misery that is self-awareness.

Felicity moves her legs to cross them in annoyance as she leans against his desk once more, and Oliver forces his eyes to focus on the words in front of him. They wouldn't make much sense any other day but it's especially hard to focus on them tonight.

'_It is agreed that the project will be undertaken on BOT basis, and shall cost about USD 3 million. Queen Consolidated's Applied Sciences Program who is the developer shall finance the project by injecting fifty percent of the project cost and the balance shall be sourced…_'

What does that even mean?

"Do you think you'll be done soon?" she queries as she folds her arms on her chest.

Oliver swallows thickly and ducks his head lower.

"Not if you keep pestering me," he grunts. "But I told you three times already: you can go home. I don't need a keeper."

One of her hands grabs the tips of her hair and she begins to play with it, tickling her nose, wearing it as a fake moustache, and shifting her weight on her high heels as she purses her lips and snorts mockingly.

"Yes, you do. If I go home, I know you won't last ten minutes before either falling asleep or ditching that Gigantic Pile of Boredom. I'm not faking your signature on these and taking the risk to sell the company in the process tomorrow. You did that fine on your own last time…"

He clenches his jaw so hard it feels like it's going to break, but Oliver manages to keep it together.

"You're never going to let that go, are you?"

She chuckles shamelessly.

"Nope!"

As he tries to make a note on the side, Oliver feels Felicity bend closer to him and look over his shoulder. Her perfume follows her movement, distracting him so much his pen slips on the page.

"FYI, this is _not_ how you spell 'disputable'. There is no 'e' in the middle. Otherwise, it's 'disputey-able' and that might sound sort of British? Not even, so let's be honest it also looks horrible," she scrunches her nose in disgust and stabilizes herself by putting a hand on his shoulder. It takes everything in Oliver not to shake her away from him (or lean into her touch). "Can words look horrible? I'd say they can but it's probably because I have like the weirdest OCD about spelling mistakes, they drive me crazy as much as mysteries, it's really…"

"Felicity!" he barks, exasperated.

"Sorry!" she winces as she takes her hand off his shoulder to go back to her previous position. "Focus: that's what you need. Not for me to go all punishing teacher on you." Felicity's self-deprecating moan covers his own strangled groan. "Urgh, god, why does everything I say come out sounding so dirty? My brain sucks…"

Oliver drops his pen altogether, incapable of preventing the visions of Felicity dressed up as a teacher, using a ruler and looking down on him from her glasses. Why does everything she say come out sounding so dirty indeed? He wishes he knew. That'd mean he could find a way to change that dynamic. Maybe go back to ignoring the situation.

Oliver lets his head drop between his hands in defeat, wishing with all his might that she'd go home and leave him alone because God forbid...

"Oh come on it wasn't even the most shameful ramble I've ever made," she grimaces rolling her eyes at him. "What's wrong with you lately?"

"Nothing," he lies in a whisper.

"Oliver," she chastises, "I know you. Something's up with you, and once again Diggle and Roy know about it while I'm kept out of your boy club. This is so annoying."

"Felicity, _please_, there's nothing going on, and I'm trying to concentrate!" Oliver grumbles, refusing to move his head from the shelter of his arms and take the risk to look at her.

If he looks at her… he doesn't know what's going to happen. What he knows is that she needs to step away from him, from the desk, from his office as long as the sun is not bright in the sky or as long as they're not surrounded by a crowd of people.

"Fine, fine," she waves off with her hand. "I'll drop it for now and go back to my staring contest with that stupid flashing lamp. Mmh, I could always call the night janitor," she mumbles to herself.

Oliver is convinced that he is in hell. Felicity has gone back to pressing her butt against the desk, extending and crossing her left leg over the other, while folding her arms on her chest right under her breasts. She's so close to him that his arm is brushing against her hip.

He's going to lose it.

"As long as you do that quietly…" he mutters earning him a side eye from Felicity.

He can feel the annoyance rolling off of her as the rhythmic flicker keeps changing the lightening in the room but she keeps it together much better than before and Oliver feels like he's getting both his pulse and his urges back under control.

But then the light shuts off, dragging all the other ones from his office along with it, leaving the lamps from her desk on the other side of the glass wall and the screen of his computer as their very last (and poor) means of lighting.

"That's it!" she snaps and pushes against his desk to step around it.

That's when he makes his mistake.

At the same time as she growls in exasperation, he rolls back with his chair, intent on calling the janitor himself so she can _chill the fuck out_, when his eyes fall on her legs then trail up her tight dress that hugs every single one of her curves, to her flowing hair, then up to her angry face as she moves to stand fully on her heels. The glow of the moonlight reflects in her eyes, making everything bluer than it's supposed to be.

The hand he was going to use to get the phone changes its course on its own accord. Oliver sees it spring out to catch _her_ hand and spin her around, propelling him up in the same movement. When she's close enough he lets go of her, his fingers sliding around her waist, his other hand burying itself at the nape of her neck.

It goes so fast, neither of their brain registers any of what is happening.

One instant Oliver feels like he's going to burst from inside, the next his mouth is slanted over Felicity's, hugging her flush against him, and pressing her against his desk. And that's when he starts breathing again. _Holy shit_, does that feel good.

Felicity doesn't react immediately. He's pretty sure she keeps her eyes opened in shock for two good seconds before her lips respond to his kiss and her hands fist his shirt around his waist.

Part of him probably thought if he indulged this one time, then this whole lust-jealousy-possessiveness-_love_ thing would go away. He should have known that once he gave in, once he opened the dam, there would be no going back.

Because the moment his lips skim hers, the instant she responds to his kiss, the second she spreads her legs wider so he can press harder against her, Oliver lets go completely of what little is left of his control.

In the end, he guesses, that stupid dress is his undoing. Her keening noise when he kisses her head back dominantly so he can angle her head better and deepen their embrace doesn't help him get it together either.

A voice in his head tells him to stop it right there, maybe ask her on a date, or maybe begin with discussing the kiss. She just broke up, maybe they should take it slow.

But soon her hands trail up his chest, start to fumble with his top button as they push his tie away and her mouth opens to let his tongue in. That shuts the voice up immediately.

Next thing he knows he has propped her up in a sitting position on his desk, legs wide-opened, his contracts falling and spreading messily on the floor. Her fingers manage to undo the first button but struggle with the second one. Oliver feels her impatience rise in her movements when it finally dislocates from its slot. He should be shocked and annoyed when she grunts and rips the rest open but the truth is, the action turns him on so much that he finds himself pushing the bottom of her dress up her waist as his fingers run along her legs.

Felicity's skin is as soft as he has imagined. And he's had a year to imagine it to great lengths.

Now that his shirt is torn open, her palms are roaming over his chest, tracing his scars and tattoos without looking. It's like she's had them memorized in her mind.

As his own hands trail up Felicity's legs languorously and reach the lace of her underwear, the memory of her swaying hips flashes behind his eyes and ignites a new fire of desire in him. Possessiveness. Jealousy. Lust. They all mix together, to the point where he doesn't know where one ends and the other ones begin. He wants her to have the same pep in her step as _that time_. He wants to love her so bad that she feels it to her bones. He wants to render her incoherent and flushed and most definitely incapable of going home without thinking of him and what they're about to do on his desk.

Hint: it won't be work-related.

He grins hungrily against her mouth as her legs tighten around him while he snakes his fingers between her hips and the waistband of her thong. She moves to help him take it off, wriggling against his painful bulge in the process and eliciting a helpless grunt from his chest.

For the first time Oliver forces himself away from her lips to look at his hands as they slide the garment to the top of her thighs. But as soon as his eyes catch the black lace, he can't help his next thought. Two can play the ripping game. And she most definitely won't be thinking of her ex-fiancé next time she has to wear that godforsaken dress.

He revels so much in the tearing noise of the fabric that he shudders. He cannot even begin to process what the fact that she doesn't protest does to him. Both his hands cradle her face as he goes back to kiss her greedily, incapable of satiating this new-found craving. It's pathetic really. He hasn't felt like this since he was fifteen. At that rate, he's probably going to come in his pants like a teenager.

His palms are sliding down her neck, leaving a trail of goose bumps in their wake, aiming for the zipper at the top of her back when suddenly Felicity pushes on his chest so that he falls in his chair.

He stops breathing for a second, afraid that she's pulling a stop to this and that he ruined everything.

But then he takes in her darkened pupils and her panting mouth. She goes to slide from the desk to his lap, the movement giving him entirely different ideas as he realizes that he's at the perfect level for fulfilling one particular, very recurring fantasy.

Oliver's right hand slides under her bunched up dress to splay on her stomach and stop her descent, while the left spreads her legs further apart. When his feet roll the chair closer to her junction and his head leans in her slit, Felicity bites her lips in anticipation.

That's all the confirmation he needs, as his mouth drops to tease her clit slowly. Felicity's trembling foot settles on the armchair, the heel of her shoe caressing his ear while she puts her arms behind her back and arches closer to him. The moment his tongue latches at her he hears her sigh contentedly, a sigh full of relief and satisfaction that goes straight to his groin.

Oliver looks up from between her legs to see her bowing towards him, eyes closed, teeth biting her bottom lip. Her hands are looking for anything to hold onto — currently his computer screen and the edge of his desk — while his tongue licks her folds apart and his fingers graze teasingly at her entrance. He grins when she lets out a tiny whimper. She wants this as much as he does, if the wetness he can taste in his mouth and feel on his fingers is any indication.

God is that reassuring. She wants him as much as he wants her.

Within a few minutes, he gets her writhing and panting over him, one of her hands eventually buried in his hair holding his head against her skin, seeking a release that is getting closer and closer. Oliver can feel her tighten against his index as his tongue circles her clit relentlessly. Soon, her teeth let go of her lip and she whimpers, her hand fisting his hair so tight it hurts, as she clenches around him.

He can't help but stare at her in awe as she comes, all flushed cheeks and trembling legs.

When he straightens up in his chair and licks his lips with satisfaction, Felicity tries to catch her breath and fails. He lets his hand caress her leg down, circling her ankle enticingly. She smiles wistfully and frees her ankle from him as she begins to slide off the desk.

She splays her hand on his chest and pushes him against the back, her other one aiming for his belt. This time she doesn't fumble, and it doesn't take any effort on her part to unzip his pants and push his boxers down to let his strained dick out.

Considering the reaction his body has when her palm wraps around him and her tongue licks her lips, Oliver realizes as she kneels before him that his next most-recurring fantasy is going to have to be postponed to another occasion.

Oh well.

He doesn't let her fully settle between his legs, his hands flying to grab her arms and fling her back to him. Felicity frowns but understands his intent, sliding her knees slowly on each side of his hips and propping herself over him. He tilts his head back as she struggles with the jacket of his suit draped over his chair. He's completely forgotten about it, to be honest. His mind has been solely focused on Felicity and his loosening grip on his control for so long he didn't remember that he was actually wearing a full on suit.

But Felicity's hands take his wallet out of his inside pocket, open it and extract a foiled packet dexterously. He marvels at the way her teeth rip it open expertly, his eyes following her every movement. He feels like he's in a trance, incapable of focusing on anything but her deft fingers as she rolls the condom down his length. He tries to gulp but lets out a sigh of bliss instead.

Once she puts her hand on the back of the chair for support, he expects everything to slow down. He expects less haste, less despair, less precipitation. Felicity apparently doesn't care for it, yanking him at her entrance and biting her lip again.

She might be absolutely breathtaking, what with her way of taking charge of the situation, but Oliver realizes that she's basically still wearing all her clothes (except for the thong that she's never going to wear ever again) while his tie is still sprawled across his shoulder, his shirt ripped open across his ribs, his pants and boxers not even opened enough to be bunched at his feet.

He's basically going to fuck her.

The thought makes him tense unexpectedly. Oliver finds himself reaching for the hand she has draped around his dick, his other one going up to cup her cheek, effectively slowing her down.

"Hey," he murmurs, his eyes seeking hers.

She meets his glance heatedly but doesn't respond, her lips claiming his in a passionate kiss that melts his brain and makes him forget where he is and what he was planning to do. She's tasting herself on his mouth. He'll focus on what that knowledge does to him later.

Slowly, he feels her lower herself along his shaft, her tongue dancing against his in a tantalizing caress that makes his hold on her tighten. As she moves up and down, her hips slamming forward, his own hands skim at her sides, making her shiver deliciously, and meet around her back at the top of her dress. His fingers barely have time to zip it down that Felicity tips her head back, eyes closed again and lips caught between her teeth.

He frowns. It's not supposed to go like this. She's supposed to be lost in lust, incoherent and melting against his touch. She's not a new pin over his bedpost. She's not a one-night-stand, or a way to release the tension. She's… She's _more_.

"Look at me," he demands. But it's more of a plea.

Either she doesn't hear him or she doesn't care; she doesn't do what he wants and keeps on grinding against him relentlessly. Oliver grabs her hair gently and stills her hips, sitting up to be chest to chest against her.

"Felicity, look at me," he repeats slowly.

He can feel her raging pulse against his rib cage (or is it his?) as she finally stops and opens her eyes. She looks so vulnerable his heart stops, her eyes glowing in the obscurity and he can't help a gentle smile that she mirrors. He brushes her hair behind her shoulder, his head dropping to kiss her collarbone, her neck, her jaw, her cheek. He's slowed her down and he's glad. They're too far gone to stop now and take their time, but whatever, they can prolong the night however they want, deal with this at their own pace.

He can do this, he realizes as his hand grazes against her naked back languidly. He can be with her. He can let his walls down and let her fully in. He... Fuck. He loves her. He's head over heels in love with her and he wants to tell her but he feels like a sap, and it can't come out. Not now. Not like this.

So he goes for the other way he feels like he can show her what he feels for her. His mouth capture hers again, his tongue prodding hers seductively. Once their lips meet again, none of them can help the passion that takes over. Felicity's hips begin to move again, rolling up and down, Oliver meeting her thrust for thrust as his thumb fumble in between them to reach her clit.

The air leaves his lungs when she drops her forehead on his shoulder, overwhelmed, her arm extended to grip the leather of the back of his seat noisily, her right hand moving along his ribs, grazing at his skin and eventually settling on his shoulder, holding it so tight Oliver knows he'll have marks in the morning. He doesn't care. He doesn't mind at all.

His head seeks hers, their ragged breath soon mixing together, making their mind spin faster and faster.

Quickly, he feels the same tremors shaking her core as his own body comes closer and closer to ecstasy, his tongue licking the drops of sweat that have begun to drip from her throat. He can hear her breath getting more and more labored, the circles of her hips losing their strict patterns and she suddenly cries out in bliss, her pelvis jerking haphazardly.

Within seconds, Oliver reaches his own release, incapable of holding back a few grunts of absolute pleasure.

He doesn't know how long they stay like that, with Felicity sprawled on his lap, her head resting in the curve of his neck and his hand tracing random shapes on the skin of her back, as he drops a few kisses on the top of her hair. Oliver doesn't know because it feels so good he wishes it could last forever.

But at one point Felicity takes a deep breath and sits up. She doesn't leave Oliver time to do anything, forcing him to hold onto the condom before she fully stands.

"Hey," he calls out in a soft whisper.

She smiles at him awkwardly, shyly; her cheeks still pink, her breath still frantic. She might also be a bit wobbly in the knees. But she stays silent. That's a first, and it should have been his first clue. But Oliver is so high from what just happened that he completely blanks out and stands up too, walking toward his bathroom happily.

"Give me a second? I'll be right back," he says as he opens the door.

He discards the condom in the trash, washes his hands and wipes his mouth, staring at himself in the mirror. He looks… Well, he looks thoroughly fucked, to be honest. His hair is a mess, his shirt can go join the condom in the trash, and apparently Felicity yanked his belt so hard that she broke the metallic part that was holding it together.

He can't help the proud grin that illuminates his face. God. Did that just happen?

"Hey, do you want to grab dinner or something?" he shouts as he walks back into his office.

Oliver stops in his tracks. His contracts are spread out on the floor, her torn underwear on top of it, but Felicity is not there. Turning his head, he actually catches through the glass wall a splash of blond hair entering the elevator.

"Felicity, wait!"

He runs to catch up, but he's too late. The doors close before he can say anything else. He considers running down the stairs but even if he's Green fucking Arrow he knows he's not that fast. And apparently… well apparently he read the situation completely wrong and she needs space.

Oliver stumbles back against her desk, running his hand in his hair worriedly.

What the hell did he do wrong again? How did he fuck this up too?

[**NEXT:** Part Four B - Oliver's POV]

* * *

**Author's Note:** So... Yeah, that's how Oliver realizes that he loves Felicity, and is too much of a moron to deal with like a... Gentleman. I hope you liked it. Don't worry, once again: this fic is Oliver/Felicity, and it's "HEA" (or as much as I can make a story HEA but it's happy don't worry!) Like I said, I'll update as soon as I can, within the next 48 hours for sure.

Thank you so much for reading. Let me know what you thought?


	5. Part Four (b)

Yes! I finally made it to my hotel and found wifi! I'm jetlagged as fuck, exhausted from walking and the journey in general, but I made promises and I always keep them. So without further ado: here is the last installment for that story. I sincerely hope it doesn't disappoint, as usual I'm super nervous... Thank you SO much for your support throughout this story. I am so thankful for everyone who took the time to review!

**Of Need and Abandonment Issues**

**IV b.**

Felicity is apparently way better at avoiding him than he ever was at avoiding her. He tries to bring up the topic in the morning at QC (after staying outside her building for three hours the night before, debating whether to knock or leave her alone) but she is speaking animatedly with her other fellow assistants .

"Good morning ladies," he salutes tensely. "Felicity, can I talk to you in my office real quick?"

Felicity looks at the folders she has gathered in her arms and grimaces in such a fake way it would make him laugh if he understood what the hell was going on. He hears the ping of the elevator behind him as her colleagues spread out.

"I would but you have another meeting with Jared," she says, meeting his eyes defiantly.

"He can wait."

"No, actually, he can't and neither can Michael Johnson from litigations who is expecting these papers ASAP," she takes a shuddering breath and adds tightly. "You also have to sign the Applied Sciences contracts before your meeting at 11. Hi Jared!"

She smiles faintly at Alston as she steps backwards in the general direction of the elevator. Oliver notices the way her cheeks turn pink when she mentions the contracts that he has indeed failed to sign. He comes really close to saying "wonder why I forgot" but then figures that it's neither the time nor the place (it's probably not appropriate either).

Felicity disappears for the entire day. He has his meeting with Alston, then the conference about the contracts (that he still hasn't signed, because his brain is imprinted with the memory of her torn thong discarded on them and he feels like he can smell her on them and oh god has he become a total creep?), then she vanishes during her lunch break and spends the entire afternoon helping out the I.T department.

At first, Oliver brushes the situation aside, figuring that there'll always be the foundry and her nights of hacking. Once again, he's wrong. She leaves QC after Diggle picks him up because she "has to finish something up" and finds a way to join them late enough that he can no longer postpone his patrol.

It turns out that having her in his ear is almost worst than before. Because now his brain comes up with new ways to link her breathy directions to her whimpers of pleasure and he's so distracted that he almost gets run over by a truck.

When he comes back, he heads for the med bed but Felicity barely reacts (nor does she look at him), gathering her things and walking towards the door resolutely, saying that she's beat and needs the rest.

"I was hoping to talk to you," he tries to stop her.

"Sure, later," she deflects with a smile as she pushes the door to Verdant.

Digg is the one who patches him up, smirking in amusement the whole time.

"Quit it," Oliver snaps and takes the gauze away from his hands.

Diggle only shakes his head and says nothing.

* * *

Oliver discovers that Felicity's definition of "sure, later" is the same as when he promised to show up to QC when Slade was a threat. Not only does she pack his schedule to the point where he doesn't have a minute to himself, she also finds the most ingenuous ways to always be surrounded by a ton of people at all times. She turns Diggle into her favorite buffer, spending a ridiculous amount of time with him. Oliver knew it wouldn't be easy but he sure as hell never anticipated that Diggle would be his most efficient cock-block.

The worst part is, she's not even cold towards him at all. If he wasn't positively sure that he had taken her on his desk and his office chair, he would have convinced himself that it'd all been a dream.

A very wet dream. But a dream all the same.

He considers going to her place many times to confront her but the truth is, he's terrified of her reaction. If her avoidance is any indication, she is not ready or willing to talk about it. She probably regrets it too.

Or at least, that is what he tries to convince himself of for a week. It's difficult not to be hurt by that.

A week later, Oliver and Roy are patrolling together when they fall into a trap by a group of very well armed thugs. So much for the "slow night" Oliver was looking forward to. Diggle is on a date with Lyla that night, so Felicity is by herself in the foundry, looking out for them through the cameras installed in the city.

She manages to warn the police quickly, but Roy is trying to take down six very angry men wielding iron bars and guns while Oliver manages to fight off two even more muscly guys that are probably the leaders of the gang.

It doesn't come as close as it looks like. Sure, the men are trained and vicious. But they're not that good, and Roy is basically invincible. Once Oliver succeeds in getting rid of his attackers (losing an arrow or four in the process), he figures the rest will flee the scene. But it's the police sirens that make them scatter, all except one who aims his gun in Roy's direction.

It's stupid. It's completely ridiculous, but Oliver jumps in front of Roy to protect the most invincible guy on Earth. Stupid instincts. He gets really lucky though, Oliver realizes, when he scrambles up and pats himself around. It's just a graze on his bicep and probably a huge bruise on his ribs in the morning, but Roy insists on helping Oliver back after he scares the shit out of the shooting thug.

To Oliver's surprise when they walk back in the lair, Felicity is seething. Roy moves away from Oliver quickly while his leader frowns as Felicity stomps towards him and pushes him so forcefully in the chest he has to take a step back.

He can't help but remember the other night when she pushed him for other reasons.

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING YOU IDIOT?" she yells.

Oliver can't explain why, but he finds himself smiling. It's the first emotional reaction he has managed to spark in her in a week. He'll take what he can get. He lets her push him again, humoring her.

"You don't throw yourself in front of a bullet for a guy that can't die!"

"Hey!" Roy protests weakly. "I can die! Just… not from a bullet."

"Go home, Roy," Oliver orders.

Roy takes in Felicity's angry face and use of her loud voice and doesn't need to be told twice.

"Yeah okay. Good luck."

He spins on his heels and disappears.

"You are an idiot, Oliver Queen! To think that you gave me an earful when I did the same thing for better reasons two years ago!"

Felicity is so angry she apparently hasn't noticed that it's just the two of them for the first time since their night of desk-induced sex. Because she's now staring at him like she expects explanations.

Oliver doesn't plan on giving her any.

"Do you want to push me again?" he asks cheekily.

She glares at him.

"I'm not fixing you up."

"I didn't expect you to."

"Fine."

"Good. Anything else you need to get off your chest?" he prods insolently.

"No," she retorts immediately.

But then she takes a step toward him and throws herself against his chest, grabbing onto his leather suit. For the life of him he will never be able to explain how she goes from yelling at him to literally devouring his mouth.

His body reacts immediately. His arms encircle her waist and lift her up while her hands hold onto his jaw to angle him the way she wants him and her legs wrap around his hips solidly. His lips move against hers passionately, the perfect way to release a tension that has been growing and blowing out of proportions within seven pathetic days.

Oliver doesn't hear his sigh of relief when her tongue probes against his lips, asking for entrance. He grants it without thinking, as he walks blindly, looking for the nearest surface.

Horizontal, vertical, at this point he doesn't give a flying fuck.

She writhes against him, her hands trying to unzip the front of his shirt hungrily. The nearest surface turns out to be a pillar close to her desk — and this feels like a missed opportunity — that he presses her against solely with his hips, her hold on him enough to prevent her from falling.

When his head dips to kiss her neck enticingly and she pushes his top off his now free arms, Oliver realizes that he's making the exact same mistake as the week before.

He's letting her call the shots, letting her melt his mind to the point that he forgets how to even think correctly. He's reminded of the time when he was always plastered and making bad decisions with girls because his brain stopped working and immediate gratification was too alluring to think about consequences. Oliver might be in love with the woman rubbing him over his pants but he's definitely not cheesy enough to admit that he is drunk with love for her — he is, but it shouldn't lead to such disastrous consequences.

"Felicity," he whispers in her skin, his hands catching hers, stopping her delicious motions.

She moans in response, but he doesn't know if it's in protest or excitement. It doesn't matter, like last time, Oliver feels its effect immediately in his southern area. That's how he finds his mouth catching hers once more.

"I want to talk," he mutters against her lips.

"That's a first," she groans and pushes him away.

Felicity tries to unwrap her legs but Oliver doesn't let her, pressing her harder against the concrete, thrusting his strained bulge against her core, making her freeze and close her eyes.

"No, it's not," he pants, his mouth hovering over hers. "As you have very well noticed, I have tried to talk to you for a week."

Felicity looks at him and must see the resolve in his eyes because she then sighs in defeat.

"Look, we really don't need to talk."

"We don't?" Oliver deadpans. "Because you avoiding me for a week was not really making that obvious."

"Oh come on, Oliver. I know what you were going to say and there was no need. That's why I left."

Oliver tilted his head on the side in surprise.

"You were giving me an out?!"

His hands release hers, and she takes the opportunity to push him and settle back on her feet. Oliver finds himself stepping away in shock.

"If it were an actual out, I wouldn't be jumping your bones," she shrugs.

Oliver frowns, his hands raking his hair as he blinks rapidly.

"I don't understand," he eventually admits.

"There's nothing to understand. I'm single, you're single, we're obviously attracted to each other… It's just sex and tension release."

The sentence, delivered with such innocence and resignation, has a punching effect on him.

"_What_? No, it's not."

Felicity looks at him in disbelief, prompting Oliver to take a step in her direction.

"It's more than just sex for me."

She rolls her eyes impatiently and comes really close to tapping her foot rapidly.

"Fine, friends with benefits if you want to label it."

Felicity 'full of surprises' Smoak. If there is one thing Oliver never expected, it is that specific conversation. Having to convince the woman who has spent the past four years ogling him and telling him that she's 'his girl' of the fact that he wants to be with her in every way is beyond him.

Realizing that she wants nothing more from him than his body hurts more than he ever thought it would. He totally expected it from Isabel, he only slept with her for that reason even, but from _Felicity_? It burns.

"Is that what this was for you?" he asks throatily.

She shrugs again. But it looks so much like bravado, he almost misses the words that come out of her mouth.

"You were obviously tense, and it _had_ been a while since you'd…"

"Don't!" he cuts. "Stop! No! That is absolutely not how that happened…"

"Does it matter?"

"YES!" he shouts. "Felicity, you're not some random girl I fucked to '_release the tension_', as you put so elegantly! I tried to slow you down that night, but… You… What you do to me," he chokes shamefully.

She raises her eyebrows in incredulity.

"Oh, so it's my fault?"

"No, _of course not_, if anything it's John's for making me realize my feelings for you," he groans and rubs his hand over his face, annoyed and frustrated.

She looks like something dawns on her, her face showing an understanding Oliver didn't expect.

"I see. You don't have feelings for me, Oliver," she explains slowly, a tender smile on her face, as she finally comes closer to him. "You like me as a friend, I'm familiar and you've been worried about me leaving you and dropping the team in the past year. But you don't have _feelings_-feelings for me."

The way she says it, Oliver is convinced that she believes every word that comes out of her mouth, leaving him dumbstruck. Her hand cups his cheek, her thumb caressing his stumble fondly.

Is that really what she thinks? Does she think so little of him and his capability at having feelings for people?

"You're wrong," he whispers, his fingers wrapping around her wrists gently.

"I'm not saying I'm not important to you, but I think you're confused because of my relationship with Aaron. I… I guess I let it get out of hands too. I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

Is she implying that _she_ took advantage of _him_ last week? Oliver blinks in bewilderment. The situation is completely reversed. He has spent so much time setting up walls to protect her (or so he said, he can now admit that he was only trying to protect himself) that he's never stopped to see that Felicity had changed. That his 'push and pull BS' as Diggle calls it, turned everything around on him.

How can she think that he'd do that to her? That he would sleep with her out of confusion and anxiety like she's a toy his enemy got and he suddenly really wants? Hasn't he proven time and again that he respects her too much for that? Does she think he's that much of a fuck up that he'd rather screw their friendship so he can keep her close?

Is she giving him another out? Is that a test?

How did they go from humping each other to her basically friend-zoning him?

Before he can react, she perches herself on the tip of her toes, kisses his cheek lightly and presses his shoulder in support before walking to gather her stuff and heading towards the stairs.

"Don't forget to take care of that, okay?" she admonishes before pushing the door and seeing herself out, leaving Oliver to lean against her desk once more.

* * *

Oliver doesn't really remember the days after that. Felicity acts like nothing happened, completely undeterred. She keeps laughing, making jokes and weird innuendoes as usual, but none of it sounds genuine to Oliver's ears. It sounds strained. And forced. But it might just be him.

This time, Diggle stops smirking though. He frowns a lot, and Oliver wonders if Felicity confronted him or if they had another one of their precious one-on-one conversations. He's so angry at himself and hurt by her lack of trust that Oliver sometimes asks himself if she'd have slept with Diggle had _he_ made a pass at her that night.

Then he falls into a pit of guilt and self-loathing for thinking that and he stops blaming Felicity for not having more faith in him considering that he's rejecting all the blame on his poor friend.

Oliver doesn't avoid Felicity but he can't exactly talk to her normally either. Everything she does reminds him of their one and a half night (yes, he counts their making out session against the pillar as a half, so what?), and inevitably ends with the painful memory of her pushing him away and explaining learnedly what his true feelings for her are.

He keeps debating in his head whether she wanted to be convinced otherwise or if she thought she was letting him down easy. He doesn't understand, none of it makes any sense. She's the one who jumped him the second time.

She basically doesn't want an actual relationship with him. Which is even more painful because until then, their relationship was the most absolute possible. They worked together day and night, every day of every week, and supported each other. They were basically dating platonically.

Knowing that Felicity wants the non-platonic part of their relationship to be completely separate from the rest is… well impossible, to be honest. How does she expect him to be in love with her, spend every waking moment in her company, have sex with her and keep it all in separate boxes?

Screw that.

"Okay, I think we need to talk," Diggle sighs one night.

Oliver stops hammering the dummy with his fists and turns to his friend. They're completely alone. Apparently, Roy and Felicity have made themselves scarce. Color him surprise.

"Yeah, 'cause that went so well last time," he grunts angrily.

Diggle crosses his arms on his chest and leans his elbow against the dummy, leveling Oliver with a decided stare.

"So that's what this is about."

"You've done enough, trust me. Now I'd like to go back to training."

"Fine," he says as he takes his shoes off and puts himself into position.

Fine, Oliver answers in his mind. He begins to fight, letting his frustration and pain out for the first time since he lost control with Felicity. Diggle counters him easily, knowing full well how to deal with him, soon leading Oliver to physical and emotional exhaustion.

After half an hour, Diggle finds a weakness in his stance and delivers a punishing blow that placates Oliver on the mat painfully. Oliver welcomes it, and stays down for the longest time, staring blankly at the ceiling.

"What the hell is going on Oliver?"

He swallows thickly and sighs.

"I screwed everything up."

"No shit," John deadpans, and sits against the pillar that haunts Oliver.

"What did she tell you?" he queries as he sits up.

"Felicity?" Diggle asks his eyebrows rising on his forehead. "Nothing. I don't think she suspects anything. I just can't take the sulking anymore."

It's Oliver's turn to arch his brows, and chuckle cynically.

"She suspects nothing to the point that she's tried to convince me that I don't have feelings for her."

Diggle stares at him incredulously and barks out a laugh.

"You're kidding! You confessed? And she didn't believe you?"

Oliver looks away shamefully.

"It's a little more complicated than that…"

"I've got time," Diggle shrugs.

Oliver doesn't really want to talk about it, but he's been locked inside his head for so long, thinking over every one of their interactions tirelessly that he feels like he's becoming mad. He can't talk about it with anyone. He considered bringing the topic up with Thea but she doesn't know enough about his night time activities to understand how much of a torture being close to Felicity actually feels now that he knows what he's missing out on and how responsible he is for not being able to seize it.

"I snapped," he sighs. "I didn't plan on doing anything but she… We slept together three weeks ago."

"You _what_?!" Diggle exclaims.

"I lost control, okay?" Oliver grunts defensively, "I fully blame you, by the way. I was perfectly fine until you went ahead and opened my eyes."

"Fine, blame me if you want. So you slept together, and? I take it it didn't go the way you expected?"

"I thought… I don't know what I thought. She had a crush on me for years, I guess I thought she'd be happy that we were finally on the same page."

Diggle scowls at him condescendingly.

"I sincerely hope you didn't tell her that."

"Of course I didn't! Retrospectively I just thought that we'd be… an actual thing after our… interaction… But we didn't even talk about it, she won't be left alone with me! One second everything's fine and we're… you know…"

"Yes, please, stop there, I do not need a picture!"

"And the next, she's walking away to the elevator and using you as a buffer to prevent any form of face-to-face conversation."

Diggle makes a disgusted face at that.

"You did it at _QC_? In your office?! _Oliver_!"

"I told you I snapped, okay? She was wearing that stupid tight dress and she wouldn't shut up about the fucking flickering lights and I lost it! I wanted to explain, invite her for dinner, like a date or something but she didn't give me enough time she was already gone!"

"Oliver, did it ever occur to you that you are supposed to take the woman you love out before jumping her in your CEO office?"

"Of course it did. I thought if I just kissed her, just _once_… but then one thing led to another and…"

"And your blood gathered somewhere that does not have brain cells," Diggle taunts.

"You're not helping."

Diggle shrugs, unfazed.

"So that was three weeks ago and you still haven't talked about it? When did she say you didn't have feelings for her?"

"Last week," Oliver confesses. "She avoided me as long as she could, until your date with Lyla."

Oliver watches as realization dawns on Diggle's face.

"Guess when you're not here as a buffer…"

"Where was Roy?"

"I sent him home."

Diggle shakes his head and laughs, while Oliver grins shamelessly.

"This time _she_ was the one to initiate our… thing. And this time _I_ put a stop to it. To talk."

"And that's when you told her you had feelings for her," Diggle nods.

Oliver gives the cliff notes of Felicity's grand explanation of his feelings to a very quiet Diggle. When he's done, Oliver looks at his friend expectantly. But after a few seconds of silence, the ex-soldier shakes his head in despair.

"So?" he asks. "What do you think, Oliver? Was she right?"

Oliver clenches his jaw. The million dollars question, apparently.

"Of course not. But I don't really know what I can do to change her mind."

"You don't?"

And there goes that condescending glare again. Oliver sighs, as Diggle stands back up.

"You know what was so funny in Thea's remark about your similarities with Aaron? It's that it wasn't the first time I heard it."

Oliver shakes his head up to look at his friend in surprise.

"The day she told me about him, it didn't come out of nowhere. Felicity's smart. She confessed then that she didn't want to crush on you because she had been with someone like you before. Someone she considered out of her league, someone who made her feel like she belonged, who gave her a purpose that was ripped away from her in the harshest way. Her going back to Aaron, it was her way to give herself another chance. So whether she's aware or not, she has dated you twice, and twice it didn't work."

"I'm not Aaron!" Oliver protests.

And what "out of her league" nonsense was this? If anyone was out of anyone's league, it was him with her, not the other way around.

"No, that's for sure. Aaron actually had the balls to beg for forgiveness and go after what he wanted."

Oliver opens his mouth to retort but Diggle raises his hand to stop him.

"Felicity refuses to see what is right under her nose because she's as scared as you. She'll admit that she had a crush on you but she pushed it down not because you fed her bullshit about the life that you lead, but because she knew it would lead nowhere."

"Thanks for sugar coating it."

Diggle rolls his eyes.

"Oh, grow up! Why do you think she went after Barry?" At that, Oliver snorts. "He's your absolute opposite."

Damn right he is.

"Not covered in muscles, young-looking, a total nerd, smart…"

"Hey!"

"He was basically harmless. She needed harmless then."

"That was over two years ago! And it does not explain why she won't believe that I have feelings for her now."

"Because despite looking fierce and strong, she's super insecure? Think about it, Oliver, her dad abandoned her, her mother is an addict who wants nothing to do with her, and her boyfriend just dumped her because she wants you and won't admit it to herself."

"She told you that?!"

"No, she told _you_ that."

"I think I would remember," Oliver says mockingly.

"God Oliver, are you that dense? You only focused on the part about her choosing Team Arrow and not _you_. But you blanked out on the part where she acknowledged that she wanted someone who could be okay with her secret life without asking questions. Someone who already knew your secret and supported the cause. She didn't mean me or Roy."

"What makes you think she meant me?" Oliver murmurs, wiping his hand over his face.

"Well, she didn't sleep with me, for starters. She hasn't been staring at my muscles every time I work out. She didn't jump from a plane to get Roy back when he flew town. She wouldn't keep her comm in her ear when she's facing her ex to make me feel better. She doesn't encourage _my_ stalker tendencies and answer all my goddamn texts."

"She tells you stuff she doesn't tell me…"

"And _you_ tell me stuff you don't tell her! Piece it together, Oliver. Everything you do is related to her. You admitted that you depend on her and that you can't deal with her not being in your life. She's exactly the same. She could have left you in Lian Yu, she could have refused to be your E.A or asked you to send her back to the IT department once we got rid of Isobel, and she could have told you to stop freaking texting her when she was dating Aaron. She never did. I wasn't the one she couldn't face about being engaged."

Diggle stops for a few moments, letting his words sink in.

"She's scared of losing you just as much as you're scared of losing her because we're all she has. She has everything to lose if you don't convince her that you're absolutely serious with her. She convinced herself that you being a couple would never happen, and I think you took her by surprise when you… '_snapped'_. She told you why she left. Read between the lines. She split because she couldn't handle hearing the 'I made a mistake' speech that she thought you had prepared."

Oliver sighs, and swallows the lump in his throat. Is that it?

"She doesn't trust me..."

"She trusts you with her life. But we're not talking about her life, here. And can your really blame her? You have the attention span of a three year-old where women are concerned. Your longest relationship since you came back was with Sara and to Felicity it only ended because she died. You want to be with her? Don't tell her you love her. She won't believe you. Show her. Convince her."

Oliver lets his head drop in his hands, his knees gathered against his chest. But apparently, Diggle has had a lot bottled up over the last three years and they're all coming out tonight.

"Look, there are two ways you can go about it. She's giving you the biggest out ever. Either you take it, and chances are you'll both end up miserable. Or you actually fight her on this like you fight her on every goddamn other thing, and you seize a chance at being happy."

"What if it doesn't work out and I lose her?"

"At the risk of sounding like a broken record: what if she meets another Barry and you lose her anyway?"

Diggle pushes himself from the pillar.

"Deep down, you know what you want, and you know what to do. Man up, Green Arrow."

* * *

Oliver figures that Diggle's right. He contemplates going to her place that same night to tell her everything, tell her how he feels and convince her, but then he thinks back about Diggle's words.

So, Felicity's scared, and she won't admit to herself that she has feelings for him.

Something tells him that she's not exactly ready to accept that he is in love with her. He has to get her to that place. Subtly. Which, truthfully, is not really his style. Sneaky? He can be. Subtle? Not really.

So he goes the sneaky route.

He never thought he'd have to seduce Felicity, but it turns out to be a lot of fun. He is so used to immediate gratification that he has forgotten the slow build up and the pleasure one can find in anticipation. He first thinks that knowing what he's missing out on will make it impossible for him to be patient. However, it becomes something that he can look forward to. If that rushed encounter was so amazing, Oliver can't help but wonder how it'll feel when they have all the time in the world.

For the longest time, she is so completely and utterly oblivious to his designs it's almost funny. He starts slow: he tricks her into having lunch with him a few days a week at QC and they talk about random stuff in her life. He is surprised at how efficient it actually is: he opens up to her — which turns out to be really easy — and she does the same in response.

They begin with easy topics: Thea's birth ("She was so loud the first day, I asked my mom if they'd broken her"), crazy nights with Tommy ("So yeah, that's how we woke up in our principal's pool. After we'd peed in it." "You really were into peeing on stuff back then, I feel like…" "Ha, yeah. What can I say?") and shit he pulled with him ("Anyway, I don't know where Tommy found that zebra, I think he wanted to convince someone that it was a walking bar code but Raisa freaked and called my mom. Let's just say she was _not_ impressed with that definition for 'dedication'."). She responds with fun she had with her friend Max, the hacker group she joined at MIT and the competing challenges they would give each other (he understands none of it, but he nods anyway and finds delight in the way she smiles when she talks about how she always beat them all).

After a while, he tells her about Lian Yu, about Fryers, Ivo and the others, about the anxiety and the fear and the hope. She mentions the mean nicknames from high school and her dad's second family, what growing up alone with a crazy mother was like. He tells her about Laurel and why it would never work out, what he expects from a relationship now. Felicity stays completely quiet for the longest time, then smiles and tells him she misses Sara too.

She stands up and she leaves. He doesn't have time to react and ask her what the hell she has with Sara. He wonders if she wasn't the one that was in love with her in the end ("It's called projecting, Oliver!" is Digg's answer at his comment. "You have no idea how much she admired her, do you?").

Also, he stops fighting the need to touch her. His hand lingers on her shoulder, splays on the small of her back, brushes against her arm, massages her neck… At first, she's a little weary — he hasn't touched her since their catastrophic confrontation in the foundry — but then she actually relaxes and leans into his touch without noticing. Not only does she let him do that, she also reaches out to him more and more easily as time goes by.

Within a month, they're closer than ever and she doesn't seem to realize how much they text, how completely codependent they have become, how she doesn't spend any time apart from him anymore. Diggle lets him drive her home every night, offering a supporting smile in his direction and acting as uninterested as he can when she's looking.

Oliver is so engrossed in her, so focused on her reactions and aware of her in general that he doesn't miss when she begins to clue everything together.

She starts shuddering when he deliberately brushes against her. The amount of rambles full of innuendos reaches an Olympic level. But she doesn't stop answering his messages, she doesn't especially avoid him, and she definitely doesn't tell him to stop.

He's basically winning her over.

* * *

Oliver walks her back up after the foundry one night, and there's something in the air. Something electric. She feels it, but is too engrossed in a gigantic babble that she doesn't exactly realize what is going on. They're climbing the stairs to her building, his hand settled in the small of her back and leading her in as usual, while she lectures him.

"You have to be focused tomorrow, I mean it. No scribbling notes about being bored out of your mind, I swear I won't answer."

"Yes you will," he answers as he presses the button for the elevator.

She rolls her eyes and gets inside while he follows her. They move in sync, his arm extending along the railing as she leans back against it, effectively touching him.

"Not if you don't grow up a little. Bruce Wayne himself will be there, you need to impress him."

Oliver snorts and grabs the tips of her ponytail, playing with it distractedly.

"Trust me, there's nothing I can do to impress that stuck up asshole."

"Oliver! I hear he's very easy going and funny too."

"Oh, no he isn't. It's all an act. He looks all nice and seductive but trust me, he's an insufferable asshole. I can try to be focused if it doesn't last forever, but being polite is going to be _very_ difficult."

She tilts her head in his direction, takes her hair away from his hand and looks at him in reprimand. He grins at her, unapologetic, and pouts. She rolls her eyes at him.

"Well, you can start with not insulting him. And feigning interest always works."

"What's the point? We both know I'm terrible at feigning interest."

The doors open, and like a magnet his hand is drawn to the small of her back once more when she walks to her door, her head bent down to look for her keys in her purse.

"Yes, and that could really harm your image. We've come such a long way since the Rochev era I would hate it if we missed that opportunity because you don't like Bruce Wayne."

"Fine, I will be polite," he says as she stands in front of her door.

She eyes him, doubtful.

"You will?" she presses, not convinced.

Oliver shrugs and smiles devilishly, his eyes boring into hers.

"What do I get if I play nice with Precious Bruce?"

Felicity's stance becomes a little weary, her cheeks getting pinker.

"A very juicy contract?" she offers, as she bites her lips.

Oliver grins hungrily and steps closer, one of his arms leaning against the door while the other one snakes slowly around her waist, effectively trapping her. He feels her shudder against him. Yes. It's working.

"I'm loaded, Felicity. I don't care about another contract."

He knows she wants to roll her eyes at him but she's entranced, her pupils dilating under his stare as he leans in at an excruciatingly slow pace.

"What are you doing?" she whispers when his mouth is so close Oliver feels like he can actually taste her.

"I'm trying to kiss you," he murmurs.

"It's a bad idea, Oliver."

She nudges herself closer to him unconsciously though. And her eyes are stuck on his lips.

"Really? I don't see why."

"I told you why already."

"No. You told me I didn't have feelings for you, and you never gave me the chance to prove you wrong."

She sighs again, inadvertently making their lips brush together. Oliver doesn't know how he resists his need to press her against her door and show her exactly why it's not a bad idea.

"Is that what the past two months have been about?"

"Oh, so you've noticed."

Felicity's trembling hand pushes his chest as she bites her lips worriedly. He leans back but doesn't let go of her.

"Of course I've noticed. Oliver…"

"I'm not confused, Felicity. I'm the opposite of confused. I haven't been confused in a long while. I want to be with you. Not because of Aaron, not because I was scared to lose you but because… because I don't _want_ to spend my days with anyone else but you. And I think that you also want to be with me, but that you're scared and you have every right to be. So this past two months have been about showing you that I want _you_. In every way. In every part of my life."

"Oliver…" Felicity repeats, closing her eyes.

"You said you wanted to find a Sara. I don't wish you that. Sara was strong, she was a rock and she was… I miss her, but we never would have worked in the long run and we both knew it, trust me on that."

"Wh…"

"Sara was familiar, and you're right I didn't have to explain anything to her. We didn't talk, and we were too broken. Two broken people don't make a happy couple. And there was also the fact that she never stopped loving Nyssa. Who was, you know, a _woman_."

"She loved you, she…"

"Yes. We loved each other. But we weren't in love with each other. Sara did not push me to be a better person, she did not expect me to be more than who I thought I could be. She would have never brought me back from Lian Yu that summer. She did not refresh me with her innocence. She didn't remind me that there were other emotions besides revenge, resentment and anger. She didn't drive me crazy."

Felicity stays quiet, blinking misty eyes rapidly. Oliver tilts his head on the side, getting closer to her. He is wearing her walls down, he can feel it.

"_You_ do that. You drive me crazy. You push me to be better. You tell me when I'm wrong and support me even when no one else will. You make me smile, and you remind me what it's like to _enjoy_ life. You're… You're in every part of my life except the one that matters most and I want more than that."

He tucks a lock of hair behind her pierced ear, and smiles lovingly.

"I don't wish you to find a Sara. I wish you could find your own Felicity. I know I have."

He hears her gulp emotionally, her eyes looking at his in angst, like she's frozen and all Oliver can do is wait her out with a (faked) patient smile. It turns out to be his best move. Felicity doesn't say anything but her hand comes to grip his shirt and she crashes her lips against his passionately. Oliver doesn't need anything else. The arm that leans against the door sinks in her hair, cradles her cheek while the other one holds her closer to him still.

He kisses her tenderly, letting his tongue seep between his lips to caress hers enticingly. There's all the time in the world, now. No need to rush anything. She opens her mouth to let him in, moving her head to the side so they can deepen the kiss. It takes everything in him not to take her legs and prop them around his waist. Her neighbors might like the show but if there's one thing Oliver can tell it's that he's learnt from his past mistakes.

He'll never know how long they make out for, but soon enough Felicity's hands grab his shirt and Oliver knows he better step back before she fries his brain again with her mouth, and her tongue, and her... everything.

"What?" she pants.

"We should take this slow."

At her dubious raised eyebrow, Oliver chuckles.

"Slow_er_, I guess. I told you… What you do to me…"

"What do I do to you?" she asks, moving her body against his erection.

He is the one to push her delicately away this time, holding her at arms length and smiling at her in amusement.

"You know full well what you do to me. We're not repeating any of that before I take you on an actual date."

"Oliver, most days we don't have time to eat anything other than take out from a greasy — but oh so delicious — burger place that we actually eat where you live. That is to say your dad's abandoned foundry slash vigilante lair."

"So?" Oliver shrugs. "I'll give everyone the night off tomorrow. Pick you up after work and take you out wherever you want."

She smiles at him wistfully.

"Besides," Oliver presses, "I think I was promised a reward for being focused and playing nice with a jackass. I'll only be collecting."

"I never promised anything of the sort," she tries to snort, but her face is bright with her blinding smile.

"Well, I guess I promised it to myself then. You can't make me lie to myself now can you?"

She chuckles lightly and kisses him once more, but when they separate Oliver notices the worry on her face.

"Hey, you okay?" he asks.

"It's just… Are you sure? I don't want you to wake up tomorrow and…"

"Felicity, stop. Yes. I'm sure. I've been trying to get to this point," his fingers motions between them, "right there, for almost five months now. Since before that night at QC, back when I had self-control. I've had plenty of time to talk myself out of it but I'm not going anywhere. I swear. However if you need more time…"

"No. I… I mean, you're right. About the taking slow thing, maybe a few dates before we… you know…"

"Don't get any work done? Because I've been thinking about that desk-related sex ramble for well over a year now and I have come up with a _lot_ of ideas and scenarios."

Her eyes widen in shame as she splays her hand on her face and groans.

"Oh my god, I'd forgotten about that!"

"Trust me, I haven't. It's a good thing though."

He takes her hand away from her face and kisses his cheek fondly, then picks the purse that she dropped on the floor during they make out session.

"I better go. But we're good for tomorrow night, right?"

Felicity bites her smiling lips and nods.

"Good," he says as he walks backward in the direction of the elevator. "Just FYI, I will be writing you notes during the meeting tomorrow."

"None of it is going to be PG-13, is it?" she chuckles, her eyes sparkling.

"Not a chance," he answers, mirroring her smile and her look of happiness.

* * *

The day after, Oliver does not listen to a word Bruce Wayne says. Neither does Felicity. Bruce is indeed not impressed at all.

They try to take it slow but Felicity takes it upon herself to test Oliver's self-control. Turns out he has none where she's concerned. They end up not taking it slow at all.

It takes Oliver three months to tell Felicity he loves her (he actually yells it at her when she's being her usual stubborn self and he is of course the definition of reasonable). She rambles it back one night five months later. Oliver discovers it was totally worth the wait.

Diggle is happy for them for exactly five days. Then he sourly regrets helping them out when he's sexiled from the foundry. Oliver makes it up to him when two years later he asks him to be his best man. Felicity says yes and can't keep it a secret.

It's not all happy stories, flowers and rainbows. Her mother comes to town a few months after they start dating and Oliver understands why Felicity never talks about her. They fight a lot and tear each other down for being reckless or boneheaded (and also because Oliver always 'forgets' to clean the dishes). They try to balance each other out and sometime they fail.

But it works for them. And they wouldn't have it any other way.

**[THE END]**

* * *

**Author's Note:** So this is it... I know a lot of you wanted a POV from Felicity about their night at QC and why she fled. I wrote that part 4 as a whole piece and had to cut it because it was too big. Hopefully, Diggle has expressed Felicity's fears properly and you understand what happened in her mind that made her flee and avoid Oliver. I want to thank Lily Anthea for supporting me as I positively harassed her with emails so she could test the story out. And a special thank you to everyone who took the time to leave a comment and let me know what they thought. You have no idea how much happiness that brings. Every. Time.

I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts. Thank you so much for reading!


	6. Follow-up story

Hey guys ! a few reviewers and people informed me that they didn't know there was a follow-up story to this one. It's called **Of Love and Abandonment Issues** and should be easily found on my profile.

It'll be updated literally as soon as possible as I only have my tablet with me in the middle of Nowhere, France without the internet or any reception for that matter. I'm really sorry for the delay.


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